109 result(s) for Funny Business Quotes.
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We laughed; he said: 'Three companies? What are their names?' I said: 'You’ll never find out.'"
"It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it."
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"I’m on the patch now where I’m just thinking my mistakes make great stories."
"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital."
"When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane."
"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business."
"You can’t make a profit without making a mistake."
"In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield."
"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or a banker."
"If plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"A good manager is a man who isn’t worried about his own career, but rather the careers of those who work for him."
"There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get this."
"I always thought that record album covers were a reflection of the company's identity."
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"I am convinced that in the long run, everything will turn out the way they said it would."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
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"Behind every successful man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I will save."
"It’s hard to make predictions, especially about the future."
"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"A budget is just a way to take the fun out of money."
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
"Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable."
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you."
"I can’t decide whether to pull my socks up or pull my socks down."
"The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around."
"If you think hiring professionals is expensive, try hiring amateurs."
"I was going to lose weight, but I decided to eat it instead."
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"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We laughed together. He said 'Which companies?' I said, 'The gas, electric, and water!'"
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We laughed, he said, I know that; that's why I hired all three."
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
"If you think your teachers are tough, wait until you get a boss."
"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing—that's why we recommend it daily."
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I always give 100 percent at work: 13 percent on Mondays, 23 percent on Tuesdays, 40 percent on Wednesdays, 22 percent on Thursdays, and 2 percent on Fridays."
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
"Just because you’re not a chef doesn’t mean you can’t be a master of 90-second microwave meals."
"A meeting is an event at which the agenda is opened and the discussion is closed."
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"I am on the patch to success: it’s called ‘not quitting’!"
"I would like to see a world where we can work 4 days a week. That way, we can fill up the 3-day weekend with great Netflix binges."
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
"You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
"I always give 100% at work. 13% on Monday, 22% on Tuesday, 35% on Wednesday, 40% on Thursday, and 0% on Friday."
"A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"I suppose I should add that I am not alone in the field of pot-flooding, but I am the only one who is economic rather than psychological."
"The only thing I take seriously in business is not taking it seriously."
"Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"I am realistic – I expect miracles."
"I have a great job. I love it. I'd stay at it forever if I hadn't been fired."
"I've learned that if you don't keep your dreams alive, they will surely die."
"Too many people think outside the box. I say, 'Why is there a box in the first place?'"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes."
"I am convinced that selling is a profession. You either have it, or you don’t. You can follow the rules, but at the end of the day, if you haven’t got what it takes, you will fail."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
"I don't always run marathons, but when I do, I prefer they be at the office."
"Every time I think I've found a solution, I just come up with a new problem."
"I went to an emotional support group for procrastinators. But I didn't go."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"An organization’s ability to learn, and translate that learning into action rapidly, is the ultimate competitive advantage."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"If Plan A doesn't work, don't worry, the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"The customer is always right – right until the moment that they aren’t."
"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I don't know what the question is, but the answer is 'MAYBE'."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
"Business is a combination of war and sport."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I can’t tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring."
"A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I am not a businessman; I am a business, man."
"I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die."
"Entrepreneurs are great at dealing with uncertainty and also very good at minimizing risk. That's the classic entrepreneur."
"A budget is just a way of deciding how you’re going to spend money before you spend it."
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"My boss told me to have a good day... so I went home."
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a consultant."
"There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
"Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished."
"I always give 100% at work: 10% on Monday, 20% on Tuesday, 30% on Wednesday, 40% on Thursday, and 50% on Friday."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"In our business, it’s important to have a good sense of timing and a lack of conscience."
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"Why do they call it 'rush hour' if nothing moves?"
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