131 result(s) for Funny Country Quotes.
"I love the country. I've been on the country side of the country and the city side of the country. Give me the country side."
"I know the voices aren't real, but sometimes they have some pretty good ideas."
"I grew up thinking that smoking was bad for you. But then I heard it only kills you when you’re old, and that made me feel better."
"The only time I get to go anywhere for free is when I’m on a ‘country vacation.’ That’s when the cornfields and cottonfields are my escape."
"I wouldn't say I'm a redneck, but my family tree looks like a barbecue grill."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"You can’t be too careful when it comes to beer. I do a lot of my drinking in a controlled environment."
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"You might be a redneck if your mother has ever asked you to make a birthday card for a dog."
"I heard you were a big shot. I’m gonna sell your secrets to a country song and put my life on hold."
"A country boy can survive. He'll make it through a power outage, a blizzard, and a dog that won't stop barking."
"The best way to count your blessings is to take a picture of them and post it online."
"I'm not saying I’m a great cook, but my chicken has been declared safe for consumption by health inspectors."
"You know you're a country boy when you get more excited about the new tractor than the new truck."
"You might be a redneck if you have to take a nap in your truck during your lunch break."
"If you see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s probably a freight train coming right at you!"
"In the country, when they ask if you want to join the gym, it usually means a backyard barbecue."
"I'm so country, I can’t even see the city from my front yard."
"Some people call it a country song, I call it a musical adventure!"
"I’m country strong — which means I can haul fifty bales of hay and still have enough energy for a dance!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it crashed. Now I'm taking a break from my computer."
"If you ask me for directions, I’ll be sure to tell you where to find the perfect fishing spot."
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"The greatest thing about being in the country is that you can yell at the top of your lungs and nobody will hear you."
"You can’t drive through the country without seeing at least three barns that need paint!"
"My favorite country music is when it tells me I’m better off taking a nap than dealing with my troubles."
"They say if you can’t enjoy the simple things in life, you’re missing out on the best parts — like fresh sweet tea on a hot day!"
"In a country where you can’t buy happiness, beer is probably the best substitute."
"I'm not saying we should kill stupid people, but I am currently on a jury that would be willing to consider it."
"The difference between a successful politician and a successful car salesman is that the car salesman knows when to get out of the car."
"In America, anyone can be president. That’s the problem."
"The only time I really feel like a country girl is when I’m with my dog."
"We're all just one bad comment away from a meltdown."
"I think the country is experiencing a little bit of craziness, which happens occasionally."
"Democracy is where any two idiots can outvote a genius."
"If you put your faith in the system, you should get used to disappointment."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
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"I am convinced that the majority of people in America are good people. But the country is in trouble and the trouble is 'WE'."
"The government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other."
"Being in the wrong place at the wrong time can make you a target in this country."
"You can say anything you want about me. Just don't say it to my face."
"If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
"You have to be careful not to let your own nonsense influence relationships with friends, family, or the country."
"A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation."
"I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"We live in a country where everything is possible. Watch out for the outrageous."
"If you're going to take a chance, better to take it on something that makes you happy."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."
"They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but I think it’s just a trick of lighting."
"We’re all Americans—got to remember that; just sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the other guy’s going to be border-line stupid."
"A country’s greatness lies in its undying ideals of love and sacrifice that inspire the mothers of the race."
"Fish and visitors stink after three days."
"In the long run, we’re all dead but I just want to talk about today."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"If you think a bad day at work is bad, try a bad day on a farm."
"My cow is not pretty, but it is pretty to me."
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
"You can’t get there from here, but you can get here from there."
"In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get the women."
"I love to play in the dirt. It’s a very grounding experience."
"I live on a farm but I’m not a farmer. I’m a hobbyist."
"Some people say I’m too laid back. I say they’re too uptight."
"I don't need a therapist. I have a farm."
"A country boy can survive."
"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."
"You know you’re in the country when you can’t drive to your mailbox."
"If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out."
"Country music isn't just a form of entertainment; it's a way of life."
"If you find yourself lost in the woods, follow your heart; it knows the way..."
"I’m not totally useless; I can be used as a bad example."
"The best part about living in the country is I can eat my veggies and still get my pancakes too."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the possum it could be done."
"I have a great parking space in my driveway. It goes right up to the front door of my house."
"You know you're a real country fan when you refer to your tractors by name."
"Raising kids is like raising corn; you gotta water it and hope it don’t get eaten by pests."
"You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy."
"The only thing worse than a bad haircut is a bad stock market and no haircut."
"You can tell a lot about a person by what she puts in her shopping cart."
"I might not be the best farmer, but I can sure make a great meal out of my mistakes!"
"Everybody’s gotta believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer."
"My country is full of young people, and I am the oldest of them!"
"In America, we like our coffee like we like our politics: strong and stirring."
"I love my country, but I do not love my government."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself — and possibly bears."
"I think the biggest issue is that we’re spending too much time talking about ourselves and not talking about our country."
"It’s a free country! I can be just as annoying as I want!"
"There’s no country like the United States – a weird, wild, wonderful place, we should all be quite proud of."
"America is a land of fantasy and one of the greatest realities."
"How can you govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?"
"I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that the future of this country is in our hands."
"The American people are very generous and very kind. They help each other out – unless there’s a coupon involved."
"Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage."
"The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom is courage… and maybe a little ice cream."
"This country is so big; we can afford to let a few good men wander lost."
"No one is perfect, except for the people in our country – and they know it!"
"To be born in a stable is a matter of great humiliation; but to die in the country is a matter of great character."
"You can’t take it with you, but you sure can leave it in the country!"
"God bless America, land of the free, and home of the confused."
"In this country, you either produce or you lose. There’s no in between."
"There are two types of people in the world: those who live in America and those who wish they did."
"If our country is to be prosperous, we must be peaceful, and if we are to be peaceful, we must be happy – unless we’re unhappy, which is a different story."
"The reason we’re having trouble is that we all want to be President, but no one wants to pay taxes."
"My favorite citizen is the one who goes out of their way to not be a politician."
"America is a melting pot – a melting pot of ideas, cultures, and lots of cheese."
"We are a country of freedom. We have the right to come here, enjoy the food, and then complain about the service."
"We can’t solve all the world’s problems, just the ones we accidentally create."
"I love the country, but I couldn't live there."
"In the country, everything is sad, but at least it's not boring."
"Country music is about the experience of life, highs and lows, celebration and pain, and the nostalgia that comes from it."
"A country without trees is a country without a rhythm."
"You know you're in the country when all the barn doors are open but the house doors are locked."
"I like to be able to talk to my neighbors. In the city, you don't have that much opportunity."
"Living in the country is like being out in the open air without the weight of the world on your shoulders."
"The only thing I miss about the country is the food. You can make a sandwich out of anything!"
"You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl."
"In the country, it's easier to get lost on purpose."
"The country is a great place for a quiet life, unless the neighbors are having a barbecue."
"If you can't laugh at the country, you're not doing it right."
"I went to the country to escape the hustle, but all I found was more cows."
"There are two types of people in the country: those who live there and those who wished they could."
"Country living is all about finding humor in the daily grind."
"I used to think that I would be a farmer or something in the country, but I decided I would probably just be a comedian."
"The city is a place to work; the country is a place to live."
"Everything makes sense in the country as long as you keep setting out the same things: faith, family, and fun."
"In the city, you must be polite; in the country, you can be yourself."
"If you can't appreciate the beauty in nature, you're probably not meant for the country."
"Ask a country girl how she feels about life, and she'll probably laugh and give you an honest answer."
"The only politics in the country is who's making the best barbecue sauce."
"When life gives you lemons, trade them for watermelon at the country fair."
"Country roads take me home, and I need a hot cup of coffee, please."
"You can put a country girl in a dress, but she'll still wear her boots."
"Out here in the country, all you need is love and maybe a good dog."
"Sometimes you just need to laugh and remember why you love the country life."
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