131 result(s) for Funny AA Quotes.
"I thought I was a very good driver until I ran my car into a tree. It wasn't a hard tree, but it was still very rude."
"I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings."
"I went to AA for the first time and the coffee tasted like it had been brewed in a car radiator."
"I have a great sense of humor about my drinking. Most of the time I’m just too drunk to find it."
"Let's face it, if you're an alcoholic, it's not going to help your drinking problem to enroll in a wine tasting class."
"I finally quit drinking, but I still see beer in my dreams. It’s like a beer-fueled horror movie."
"I remember when I first quit drinking; I was so proud of myself, I cleared all the empty bottles from my house. Then I realized, I had a recycling problem."
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"Why is it called alcoholics anonymous? Shouldn't it be called alcoholics nonymous?"
"I started drinking to forget. Now I just drink to remember why I was drinking."
"I’ve seen the light, but it’s usually in the bottom of a bottle."
"They say an alcoholic drinks to escape reality. I drink to escape the reality of my denial."
"Saying I’m a social drinker is like saying I’m a social smoker. It just sounds better."
"I realized I was an alcoholic when I found myself at a bar, staring at a drink and debating whether it was worth the risk of getting sober."
"If life gives you lemons, add vodka and shake it! But that’s not what they teach in AA."
"I drink because I’m sad, and I’m sad because I drink. It’s a vicious cycle, like a hamster on a wheel who keeps buying more beer."
"Being an alcoholic is like being a celebrity. Everyone knows your business, but you’re still the life of the party."
"AA is where I learned that there are different types of drinking, and mine isn't the good kind!"
"You know you’re an alcoholic when you start naming your bottles. 'Hey, Sir Chardonnay, you’re looking good tonight!'"
"My therapist told me to take up drinking again, just not every day. He didn’t understand the concept of moderation."
"I used to think that wine was food, but now I know it’s more like a liquid friend who leads you astray."
"No one goes to AA because they enjoy cooking; they’re there to learn how to handle their wine gracefully!"
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"People say I spend too much time at the bar. I say it’s research for my next AA meeting."
"I used to enjoy the morning after, but now I’m just thankful that I’m still breathing."
"I thought ’One drink won’t hurt’ would be a good slogan for my life. Turns out, it was just the start of a bad habit."
"If alcohol is a crutch, then I must be sitting on the bench."
"I’d give up drinking, but I’m not a quitter!"
"I heard that alcohol is a solvent. I didn't know it was a social solvent too!"
"The only time I’m not drinking is when I’m not drinking."
"I’m not a doctor, but I play one in my recovery meetings."
"I only drink on two occasions: when I’m awake and when I’m asleep."
"Alcohol. Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad."
"I never thought I’d say this, but I miss my ex... my ex-drinking buddy."
"Don’t wait until you’re on fire to put out a fire!"
"I know I’m not perfect, but my coffee is always strong and my problems are always weak."
"How do you stay sober? You don’t drink. But you can have a cupcake!"
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"If your drink can’t be the life of the party, maybe it’s time to try some herbal tea."
"I tried to quit drinking, but I didn't think it would work."
"Steps 1-12: I quit drinking; Steps 13-24: I started drinking coffee."
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your sponsor told you to!"
"I went to an AA meeting, and they told me to 'just breathe'. So I did. For three hours."
"Recovery is about progress, not perfection, but I’m still waiting for my 'perfect' drink."
"Remember, there’s no app for quitting drinking. Just show up!"
"Sobriety: the art of never running out of excuses to avoid parties."
"To join Recovery you need two things: a strong desire to quit drinking and a love for bad coffee."
"I may not always be sober, but I usually make sober decisions about my drinks."
"They told me to think outside the box. I did... and now I just find the nearest donut shop."
"One day at a time. It sounds easy, but then it’s tomorrow again!"
"If sobriety was a game, I'd be stuck on level one!"
"The best advice I got in AA was: 'Don’t go back to the bar...' unless it’s for coffee!"
"Life is what happens while you’re busy trying to stay sober."
"I have a new mantra: 'No drinking before noon!' Just kidding; it’s more like 'No drinking... ever!'"
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me – I can do it for you!"
"I’ve been sober for a long time, but I still feel the need to drink alcohol. That’s why I work the program: to not eat the pay-per-view popcorn at the movies."
"I went to AA and they told me to find a higher power. So I found the Powerball."
"Sober is the new black!"
"My sobriety is like a book: a lot of pages and a plot twist I didn’t see coming."
"One drink is too many, a hundred is never enough...!"
"I’m not an alcoholic; I’m a ‘three margaritas’ away from complete enlightenment."
"The only person I’m trying to keep sober is my liver, and it’s losing."
"They say that laughter is the best medicine. Guess what? I’m going to need a prescription!"
"I found myself through sobriety. Mostly at the bottom of a bowl of ice cream."
"Alcoholism is a disease. But my sense of humor is my remedy."
"I may be sober, but my jokes are still tipsy."
"I’m trying to be better, but I might as well start with a slice of cake!"
"I thought I’d quit drinking when I got angry, but I just got more creative."
"If at first you don’t succeed, let’s have a glass of wine and talk about it!"
"Sobriety: it’s like losing a limb, but the phantom pain is still there."
"I told my sponsor that balance is the key to sobriety. He never let me borrow his scale again."
"The easiest way to avoid temptation is to give up everything fun!"
"I got sober, and they told me to find a support system. So, I joined a cat lovers group."
"Being sober isn’t easy; it’s like climbing a mountain, except the mountain is made of chocolate."
"Sober is the lifestyle, but dessert is my soulmate."
"My sponsor told me to ‘release’ my fears. I hope they fly away and not come back."
"In recovery, we learn to laugh at ourselves. Where else would you get such material?"
"I’ve learned that my ‘Higher Power’ has a great sense of humor. It’s the only explanation for my life!"
"Quitting drinking has made me realize I actually have a ‘funny bone’... it's just been dormant!"
"I attend AA meetings mainly for the snacks!"
"Sobriety is the best decision I’ve made, but I still miss the nachos."
"I’ve traded my cocktail shaker for a yoga mat. Now, I'm more into poses than Napoleon Complexes."
"I drank because I was unhappy, and I was unhappy because I drank."
"My doctor told me I needed to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror."
"I don't have a drinking problem, I have a stopping problem."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, you might be missing the point of sobriety."
"The best way to avoid the hangover is to not have the drink. But where’s the fun in that?"
"Alcohol doesn't solve problems, but neither does milk."
"Recovery is about progression, not perfection. Remember, even God didn't create the world in one day."
"Getting sober is the easiest thing I ever did. I should have done it a long time ago – it just took me 20 years to realize it."
"I have mixed drinks about feelings."
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"The road to sobriety is sometimes paved with bad decisions and a lot of left turns."
"I can't drink like a gentleman. I can't drink like a lady. I can’t drink at all; but I can stay sober like a champion!"
"I used to think the only way to feel a buzz was a bottle, but now I know it’s just the friends you make along the way."
"The only thing worse than a hangover is the drama that comes with it. Think of sobriety as your personal soap opera cancellation!"
"If you feel like drinking, just remember how fun the first hangover of the week was, and how sad the second one has to be."
"I read somewhere that a good sense of humor is key in recovery. So let’s just laugh until we cry – no drinks required!"
"I gave up drinking and its working out really well. I’ve found a new pastime - debating whether to get out of bed or not."
"The first rule of sober club is: you don’t talk about sober club. The second rule is: you just live and enjoy life instead!"
"You know you’re sober when your idea of a wild night is a 10 PM bedtime."
"Being sober is a lot like being a teenager: it’s not always easy, but at least you can remember it in the morning!"
"Sobriety is like a long, winding road filled with beautiful views — and you can’t stop for a drink!"
"If drinking is your comfort zone, sobriety teaches you to create your own comfort zone — preferably not near a bar!"
"Alcohol is like a mediocre friend: it always promises fun, but half the time you end up with a headache."
"Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you’ll end up back at the bar. (Just kidding!)"
"One drink too many is usually just one too many."
"When in doubt, just remember: coffee is your friend, alcohol is the stranger in the back room!"
"The program is like a broken leg. You have to take it one step at a time."
"I'm not a drinker, I just play one in real life."
"Bad decisions make good stories."
"I haven’t been drinking, but I’ve been drinking a lot of water."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I'm on the patch—"
"I don't have a drinking problem 'til I spill it."
"You can't be a real drunk if they're not chasing you."
"I've decided to stop drinking, but I must admit, it's hard to quit cold turkey when all I have is warm beer."
"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."
"Cheers to sobriety! Oh wait, we're not drinking."
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a 'drunk optimist.'"
"I was going to give up drinking, but then I realized I needed it for my social skills."
"I used to love drinking, but now I just love the idea of not drinking."
"Saying you’ve had a bad day is like saying you’ve had a bad drink—it just depends on how you want to look at it."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but if you can’t afford that, laughter after a drink is a close second."
"Alcoholism is a complicated disease that can lead to unfunny situations."
"It’s not the alcohol, it’s the company I keep... oh wait, it might be the alcohol."
"Find joy in the little things, like your last drink alone."
"Some days I even shock myself with how much I can drink—just kidding, I know all too well."
"In sobriety, every day is a new hangover—without the hangover part!"
"I have selected sobriety as my sport of choice... I hear it comes with rewards!"
"The easiest way to get through a meeting is to know there’s a bar afterwards!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I said I was done drinking... I’d be rich by now."
"An alcoholic is a man who drinks in an effort to drown his sorrows, but he always forgets to bring a lifeboat."
"You can't control how much you drink or how much fun you have! Just kidding: yes you can!"
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