125 result(s) for Dirty Irish Quotes.
"Two Irishmen sitting in a pub. One says to the other, 'I wish I had a glass of whiskey in my hand right now.' The other replies, 'Well, why don't you go and get one?' 'Because I'm holding the glass of beer you're looking at!'"
"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time."
"The Irish ignore anything they can’t drink or punch."
"Keep your friends close and your enemies drunk."
"I’m not saying that I’m not a good drunk, but when I wake up in the morning, I often wonder who I am."
"May the enemies of Ireland never eat bread nor drink whiskey, but be afflicted with itching without the benefit of scratching."
"You know you're Irish when you can make a toast even if you're dry."
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"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"If a man doesn't like his job, he can always find another one, but there’s no getting rid of me."
"A good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have."
"There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."
"If you're lucky enough to be Irish, you're lucky enough."
"You can lead a man to whiskey, but you can’t make him think."
"Blessed are the Irish, for they can always get up and drink again."
"May you always be blessed with walls for the winds to whistle through, a roof for the rain, a warm place when the cold winds blow, and a good friend to share the ride with."
"If you can't change your fate, change your attitude."
"The brain is like a molasses cookie; it takes time to chew it."
"Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don’t want to press your luck."
"When in doubt, whiskey it out."
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"A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood."
"You can take the man out of Ireland, but you can’t take Ireland out of the man."
"The best way to keep your word is not to give it."
"Life is like a cup of tea; it's all in how you make it."
"A little fire that warms is better than a big fire that burns."
"The tongue is like a sharp knife. It kills without drawing blood."
"A friend in the hand is worth two in the bush."
"Is feidir linn dul i ngleic le haon atá síneadh i gceart."
"A drop of whiskey is better than a stroke of a pen."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Especially if they're Irish!"
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page. Especially if they’re just at the pub!"
"What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"There are only two kinds of people: the Irish and those who wish they were."
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"A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest."
"There’s no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others."
"You know you're Irish when you can give directions to Dublin and get it wrong without being lost."
"The Irish are a very ancient people, but they don’t know it – that’s why they think they are such geniuses."
"Here’s to our wives and lovers. May they never meet!"
"An Irishman’s wedding vows are similar to the US Constitution: pretty sweet, but frequently ignored."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, and never catch up."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I have no ambition to govern men; it is a painful and thankless office."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
"Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all of life's problems."
"May you be in heaven a full half hour before the devil knows you're dead."
"The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another."
"You can't be a part-time saint and a full-time sinner."
"I'm Irish, and I think I have a good sense of humor. That is, I find it amusing when I say things that offend people."
"I’d rather be a mess than a martyr."
"There’s so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us."
"The Irish are a race of cowards; they prefer to fight on a public holiday."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"There's a fine line between a long story and a long-winded one."
"I’m not drunk. I’m just chemically unbalanced."
"When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered over the Western Isles. It has been called the happiest place in the world. But if I’m not happy, I want my ashes to be left in Dublin. Because that’s where I belong."
"Ireland is a land of poets and legends, of dreamers and rebels."
"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."
"What makes us human is our ability to laugh, even when we can’t think straight."
"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy whiskey, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live."
"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood."
"The world is full of fools and more fools than fools."
"There's only one thing worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about."
"Never complain, never explain."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"The trouble is that we all have our limits. Mine are just a little further out than others."
"If you’re going through hell, keep going."
"It’s not a bad thing to be a little bit outrageous."
"In Ireland, you can't swing a cat without hitting a statue, and you're likely to smash a window on the way."
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
"There’s no better way to bring people together than with a pint of Guinness."
"The Irish are a very peculiar people. They’re always standing by the bar waiting for something to happen."
"A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts."
"The best way to enjoy a pint of beer is to share it with a friend—unless your friend drinks it all."
"Here’s to beer, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems."
"The Irish have always known how to raise a glass and a ruckus."
"May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
"When in doubt, get drunk."
"My drinking team has a rugby problem."
"I’m on the patch, an Irish patch."
"In Ireland, the first drink is always free; it's those after that cost you."
"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning."
"If you can't be good, be careful."
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"A pint of plain is your only man."
"The more I drink, the more I want to drink."
"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
"There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met."
"If you can’t join them, beat them."
"Drink is the curse of the working class."
"I'm Irish; I think about death all the time."
"Limericks are the way to my heart, but only after a few drinks."
"The first rule of Irish drinking: if you spill your pint, it’s bad luck."
"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
"I’m Irish, I can’t afford to be nice."
"May you live your life as if every day were the last of your life."
"There’s a fine line between a drunk and a hero."
"In Ireland, you can find poetry in everything, even a drunken stumble."
"I can’t drink anymore – I’m a choir boy now. (But I know where the good pubs are!)"
"I’ve done every job in the pub – except the one that pays."
"The only thing worse than a drunken Irishman is a sober one."
"I don’t get drunk; I get awesome."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a pint, and that's pretty close."
"An Irishman knows his limitations, but he will push them anyway."
"Most Irishmen are made of water, but we’re all about the whiskey."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up – with a pint or two."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh at you."
"Some say that I can drink like a fish. I disagree. I’m more like a whale."
"Irish optimism: it’s the only thing that gets us through the hangovers."
"When in doubt, just add whiskey."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
"There are only two kinds of people in the world – those who love Ireland and those who haven't been there yet."
"You can’t just hold a pint; you have to embrace it."
"If you can’t be good, be good at it."
"The only thing better than a pint is two pints."
"You know you’re Irish when your blood type is Guinness."
"Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic."
"A ceili for every reason, is good enough to have a pint."
"I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
"A good Irishman can handle all the problems in life—preferably with a pint in hand."
"Here’s to our wives and girlfriends: may they never meet!"
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