104 result(s) for Hilarious Sarcastic Quotes.
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity."
"I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
"I wish I were a little more thin-skinned, so maybe I wouldn’t have to be so sarcastic."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"I’m not sure how many problems I have, but my hair is a definitely a few of them."
"Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living."
"If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t understand what you just said, I’d be a millionaire."
"I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste."
"You're never too old to be inappropriate."
"You have no idea how hard it is to be this funny."
"You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I finally learned how to use the internet. Now I can ignore people from home."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time."
"If you think I’m sarcastic, you should hear my inner monologue."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"I'd explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home."
"You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
"I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"I’m not short; I’m just more down to earth than most people."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you."
"I thought I wanted a career, but now I just want a paycheck."
"I love sarcasm; it’s like my second language."
"If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I have nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"You know you're lazy when you get excited about canceling plans."
"Sure, I’d love to help you out... now, which way did you come in?"
"You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I feel the need to restart my day."
"If only I could be as thin as my patience."
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I wish I was as thin as my excuses."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most people."
"I run like the winded."
"I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I don’t have a bad handwriting. I have a unique writing style."
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't want to."
"I don't need sleep; I need answers."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me."
"I was going to take over the world, but I overslept."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I’m not always sarcastic; sometimes I’m sleeping."
"You have a beautiful mind, but I just find your face distracting."
"I wish I could be as thin as my patience."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should see my family."
"I told my therapist about you."
"When I said I had a 'bad hair day,' I was using that term loosely."
"Sure, I’ll help you out. The same way I’m allowed to throw my phone out the window."
"I’m not sure how many problems I have, but I definitely know that I’m working on about maxing them out!"
"I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge."
"I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in a room together."
"I don’t think you’re stupid; I just think you have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
"I’m not a procrastinator; I just prefer doing all my work in a deadline-induced panic."
"If lying was a job, I’d be a millionaire."
"You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think 'Not now.'"
"If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I'd be broke."
"I don’t always have time to be sarcastic, but when I do, I prefer to be this sarcastic."
"I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep."
"I have a map of the world; it’s a big waste of paper."
"Well, my salsa is better than your salsa."
"I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you."
"I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"You're entitled to your own opinion, but you’re not entitled to your own facts."
"If you think I’m sarcastic now, you should hear me in my head."
"If I had a dollar for every time I sarcastically agreed with you, I’d be rich."
"I’m really good at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"I know the voices aren’t real, but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome."
"My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle; information goes in and then it's never found again."
"If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart."
"I could be a morning person if morning started at noon."
"Sarcasm is my second language."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm on a reality show, and they're just waiting for me to do something crazy."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"If you think I’m being rude, wait until you hear what I’m not saying."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
