114 result(s) for Funny Dirty Old Quotes.
"Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional."
"We're all in the same gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."
"Don't worry, the older you get, the better you get - unless you're a banana."
"I may be a senior, but so what? I'm still hot!"
"I don't feel old. I feel like a kid who has to pee."
"Life begins at 40, but so do the wrinkles."
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"Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw what you’ve put in."
"I might be a little old, but I’m still a little young too."
"The older you get, the more you realize that you’re actually always a kid."
"Aging is required, but growing up is optional."
"Old age is when you have to spring from the bed to the bathroom - and back!"
"You are only young once, but you can be immature forever."
"Old people at play are a sight to behold."
"At my age, I’ve seen it all; I just can’t remember it all!"
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone."
"You never know what you have until it’s gone. That’s why I have a backup donut."
"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the best idea."
"Aging: I never thought I’d be so old, so soon."
"I can’t wait to be old, so I can do all the things I want without caring what others think."
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"At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, and can’t remember most of it."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I’m not saying I’m old, but I’m starting to realize that I’ve been around long enough to have a lot of regrets I can’t remember."
"I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do."
"If you don’t know how old you are, then you’re not old."
"You're only as old as you feel. And right now, I feel like I'm 19... but my body feels like it's 80."
"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
"Old people have fewer friends because they are more selective. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I look at my Facebook feed."
"I don’t feel old. I just feel like I’ve been young for a long time."
"For a long time, I thought being old was all about wearing polyester pants. Now I realize it’s more about having a slew of regrets."
"Age is purely a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."
"Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
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"The older I get, the more I realize that I really didn’t know as much as I thought I did."
"I'm not getting old; I'm just becoming a classic."
"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get a single cookie from the cookie jar."
"Men are like wine; some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age."
"You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old."
"When you’re over the hill, you pick up speed."
"I'm at the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"You're only as old as you feel. Which means, I'm about 29."
"They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body."
"As I grow older, I remember more of my childhood."
"I'm not aging. I'm marinating."
"Old age comes on suddenly and not gradually as is thought."
"I don't feel old. I don't look old. I don't act old. I just have a lot of old jokes."
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"At my age, I'm just happy to be invited to a party."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I can't wait to be in my 80s. I'll be a cranky old person and no one can stop me."
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're in it, you can't get out until you land."
"Age is a like a fine wine. It gets better with time, but it also gets sour if you leave it too long."
"You’re not old until you’re out of ideas."
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself."
"The older I get, the more I realize the value of being a good person; I’m too old for drama and petty things."
"I've reached an age where my back goes out more than I do."
"This is the first time in my life I've been old enough to know better."
"I feel like a young guy just stuck in an old man's body."
"You know you're getting old when you walk down the street and you hear your name and you look around, and it's your name on a tombstone."
"The older I get, the less I care about what others think."
"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
"I don’t mind the aging process. I just want my mind to stay sharp while my body goes soft."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"I can still remember when I was a kid and how this guy got old. He used to be really fun, but then he started acting like a dirty old man."
"The older I get, the better I was."
"You’re only as old as you feel. For me, I feel like a new car, on the outside..."
"At my age, I don’t need to take up exercising, I can just lean on a wall and get fit."
"I don't feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap."
"You know you're getting old when it takes too longer to rest than it did to get tired."
"I'm at that age where my back goes out more than I do."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for, I don’t know."
"I’m so old, I can remember when they thought a quarter was a buck."
"Once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed."
"Old men are like aged wine; they cannot be recovered after they have once gone bad."
"You know you're getting old when you've got a 'celeb' crush on a 23-year-old."
"I may be a dirty old man, but I'm still a gentleman."
"I'm not old, I'm only chronologically challenged."
"In my day, we were taught to respect our elders, but it’s getting harder as they keep acting like children."
"Old age: the last stage of a man’s life when he cannot resist putting his foot in his mouth."
"I thought growing old would take longer."
"Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed."
"I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it's all a little lower."
"I’ve reached the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"The older you get, the more you realize that nothing is ever as terrible as it seems."
"You're only as young as the woman you feel."
"I may be a bad doctor, but I’m a great patient."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened."
"A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste."
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do."
"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young."
"The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana."
"At my age, I’ve seen it all; I just can’t remember it all."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice."
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."
"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I can't wait until I’m old enough to be a dirty old man."
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there’s no turning back."
"If you don't start out the day with a good attitude, then you might as well not even bother going out."
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not."
"At least I think I remember my age. Let’s take a look at my driver’s license."
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."
"Life is one long road, and I regret not taking those detours."
"Nothing is worse than a brilliant younger person."
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."
"It takes a long time to become young."
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