130 result(s) for Fred Sanford Quotes.
"You know, we could have been rich if we had just thrown out all that junk instead of trying to sell it."
"Ain't that a sight? I'm gonna have a heart attack!"
"This is the first time in my life I've wanted to wear a suit and tie!"
"I'm not a thief. I'm a collector!"
"You know, I ain't got no time for no jailhouse antics!"
"I feel like I'm in the middle of a black and white film!"
"You can't just go around throwing other people's things away!"
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"I'm a man of distinction, a man of substance!"
"I'm not looking for the perfect woman; just one that can cook!"
"If you don’t get your foot off my couch, I’m gonna slap you!"
"I ain't got time for this nonsense!"
"I’d rather be a bupkis than a dummy!"
"Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you! For real this time!"
"You make me sick with that attitude!"
"Keep your eyes on the prize, 'cause I'ma have a heart attack!"
"The only reason I would go to a funeral is to make sure I’m not in the casket!"
"I'm going to clean up this mess if it kills me! And that’s a promise!"
"Why don't you take some of that junk to the dump?"
"Ain't nobody in the world got a heart like mine!"
"I'm just a victim of circumstance"
"You trying to drive me to the poorhouse?"
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"Just when you think you know someone, they come up with a scheme!"
"In this world, you gotta be quick on your feet!"
"My heart ain't what it used to be! It's a little rusty and out of shape!"
"You are my friend, you are my friend, you are my friend. Oh, you’re going to miss me when I’m gone!"
"This is the big one! I’m coming to join you, Elizabeth!"
"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
"I’m on my way to the promised land!"
"You’re as big as a house!"
"I’m not going to die. I’m going to be a legend!"
"Elizabeth, I’m coming to join you, honey!"
"The only thing that gets between me and my money is my old age."
"I’ve got a heavy load, but I’m not going to drop it!"
"You don’t have to tell me nothing. I know you ain’t got no money!"
"I’m the king of the junkyard!"
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"I don’t need no doctor, I know what’s wrong with me!"
"I can’t afford to die. It’s too expensive!"
"You can’t take it with you, but I can take it with me!"
"Don't be a fool! I’m just trying to make a little money!"
"Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant."
"When you're in a jam, look for a scam!"
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I’m on that ghetto diet; I eat what I can’t afford!"
"I know a thousand ways to make a living, and this is one of them!"
"The world is full of men, and I can’t find one of ’em worth a dime!"
"You’re going to die in a minute if you don’t get me some money!"
"I might be a hustler, but I’m a live hustler!"
"The only thing I hate worse than a thief is a bad salesman!"
"Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched, especially when they’re in my yard!"
"Every day is a hustler’s holiday!"
"I’ve seen better days, but they were only on TV!"
"I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!"
"This is the big one! I’m coming to see you, Elizabeth!"
"You’re a big fat liar. No wonder your mother is ashamed of you!"
"I’m a bad man, I’m a bad man. And I’m going to make you a bad man too!"
"That’s not a big deal; I’m sick of being sick!"
"You know what they say: 'A man’s home is his castle.' Well, mine’s a shack!"
"I can’t stand no junkie or no jive turkey!"
"What is this, a crap party?"
"The only way to take care of me is to get some money!"
"If I thought you were really sick, I’d take you to the hospital myself!"
"This is too much! I’m done for!"
"I’m not going to let you misquote me!"
"You gon' learn about David and Goliath!"
"I’m just a poor black man trying to survive in this terrible world!"
"If I was any more fabulous, I’d be a unicorn!"
"I can’t go on like this—every time I turn around, there’s more money gone!"
"I’m not afraid of getting old; I’m afraid of getting broke!"
"I’m gonna give you a knuckle sandwich!"
"You think I’m just a pretty face? Ha! I’ve got beauty and brains! Well, mostly beauty!"
"You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can show him some new tricks!"
"You want to get rid of me? You better have a lot of money!"
"You’re putting me on, right?"
"You can’t call me a liar without proof!"
"I’m not going to catch nothing but a cold from you!"
"I’ve seen some low-down dirty stuff, but you take the cake!"
"I’m a genius! I can tell you what’s wrong with this world!"
"You big dummy!"
"This is the big one! I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!"
"I’m not a thief. I’m a professional burglar!"
"I’m so tired of working, I could cry."
"Don’t let your dreams be dreams; let them be realities!"
"I’m gonna put my foot in your behind!"
"The only thing worse than a bad neighbor is a bad son!"
"I don’t need no rock to roll me."
"I’m just trying to make a living. It’s hard out here for a pimp!"
"You can’t take it with you, so I’m gonna take it now!"
"The man who dies with the most toys is still dead!"
"I’m not losing my mind; I’m just losing my patience!"
"Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey!"
"That’s my business, and that’s the way I like it!"
"You don’t know about my life, you don’t know what I’ve been through!"
"I’ve had better days – but I’ve also had worse!"
"Look at this mess! A hurricane could happen!"
"I’ll be glad when this is all over, I’m going home!"
"I’m a survivor; I’ve been through a lot!"
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen!"
"Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it."
"Why don’t you go hug a tree or something?"
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!"
"I don’t want to be a burden to anyone!"
"My life is like a sitcom, only less funny!"
"I’ve been rich, and I’ve been poor – and rich is better!"
"It's a big one, Elizabeth! I'm coming to join you, honey!"
"This is the big one! I'm coming to see you, Elizabeth!"
"You know, this shouldn't surprise you. I'm a legend in my own mind!"
"You can't get blood out of a turnip, but you can get dirt out of a freeloader!"
"I'm not an old man. I'm a young man who's been through a lot!"
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."
"I'm not a crook; I'm a businessman!"
"I'm better than I ever was; I just need a little more time."
"Whenever I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes."
"Fred G. Sanford is the greatest!"
"You know, I'm just trying to bring my men to the forefront!"
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, even if it means being a little lazy."
"There’s nothing wrong with being old, just don’t stay that way too long!"
"If I was any more laid back, I’d be lying down!"
"What you talking about, Willis?"
"It ain’t the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog!"
"I don’t need no doctor; I need some money!"
"Every time I try to leave, they pull me back in!"
"I can't take it no more! I'm too old for this!"
"Just because you're old doesn't mean you have to act old!"
"Listen, I got a heart of gold! It’s just on layaway right now."
"I'm just a poor black man trapped in a rich white man's body!"
"There’s no fool like an old fool!"
"I consider myself a motivated realist!"
"Time waits for no man. Unless that man has a good excuse."
"The only way to keep your sanity is to keep your distance! Far, far away."
"I'm not giving up! I'm just taking a break from winning."
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