128 result(s) for Funny Russian Quotes.
"In Russia, they have a saying: It's easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."
"Russian humor: Better to be blamed for laughing than to be blamed for crying."
"If you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, you’re dead."
"There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."
"We have a saying: 'Don’t worry, be happy!' But that’s just what we say when we have no more vodka left."
"In Russia, if the road is clear, it means it’s a trick."
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A best friend is someone who will help you move the body."
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"In Russia, the land of the vodka drinkers – when you’re sober, you enjoy it all the more."
"Life is like a bottle of vodka: always better when shared."
"A wise man once said: 'You must be the change you want to see in the world.' I’m no wise man, but I’d like to see more vodka in the world."
"Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'? Because every play has a cast!"
"In Russia, we love our bears. You can teach them to ride bicycles, but they still won’t pay rent."
"There’s a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? To distract us from the fact that there’s still no toilet paper in stores!"
"Russian proverb: A fool can ask more questions in an hour than a wise man can answer in a year."
"A cat may look at a king, but only if the king has some fish."
"In Russia, there are only two types of friends: those who bring you vodka and those who eat your last potato."
"Every problem has a solution – except for getting up on a Monday morning."
"If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense."
"If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all."
"In Russia, we find humor everywhere, especially in the bureaucracy that eats our time."
"An optimist is someone who sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A pessimist is someone who sees the train coming."
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"In Russia, the only thing harder than the winters is attempting to find a parking space."
"Never argue with a drunk person; they will always be right!"
"If life gives you lemons, say 'Thank you!' and trade them for vodka."
"Friends don't let friends drink alone. Unless in a sauna."
"There’s a certain dignity in laughing at your misfortunes, especially when they involve a snowstorm."
"In Russia, we have no vanity. The first thing we do is throw it away."
"The earth is not our inheritance from our parents, but our loan from our children."
"A bear walks into a bar and orders a pint. The bartender asks, 'Why the big pause?' The bear replies, 'I was born with them!'"
"I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn't like to bother me when I'm at work."
"A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure."
"There are two kinds of people: those who are with you and those who do not know who you are yet."
"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you cucumbers, make pickles."
"A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees."
"Life is like a game of chess. To win, you have to make a move."
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"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them your money."
"In Russia, we don't have problems; we have solutions that didn't work out."
"It’s never too late to start running – unless you are running away from the police."
"Money is like a seventh wife. You need to take care of it carefully; otherwise, it will leave you regardless of your luck."
"A great man once said, 'I will tell you a secret: all great truths are simple truths.' He was utterly misguided!"
"To get a drink from a bottle, first you have to open it. In Russia, we say: ‘To open is half the battle.'"
"If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"I cannot speak for you, but I have a rich inner life – mostly filled with snacks."
"Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you."
"Life is a series of lessons. The trick is to not let it be a 'lesson learned' the hard way."
"Every Russian man has a little foolishness in his heart — and sometimes, that's quite alright!"
"I asked the universe for a sign, and the universe replied: 'Stop pestering me!'"
"If you’re going to throw a party, better invite your friends than your enemies. They know where you live."
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans – and usually it’s something like losing your keys."
"A king without a queen is like a forest without trees: it’s there but rather empty!"
"If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
"In Russia, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to nag him every six months."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"There are only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. In Russia, we say it’s death, taxes, and vodka."
"In Russia, a joke is not a joke unless it has a song about it."
"Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you."
"The drink is strong, but our will is stronger."
"It’s not a problem if it can be solved with vodka."
"In Russia, we have a saying: 'If you can’t find something, look in the last place you would think to look.'"
"To be a socialist is to be a terrible optimist."
"We’ve humor in our hardships, and in our backs, we carry the weight of history… and vodka."
"If life gives you lemons, you should throw them back and demand vodka."
"Happiness is like a pillow: it always fits perfectly under your head, but you have to find it first."
"Life is a game. The game’s rules are simple, but getting the pieces to fit is complicated."
"I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence. That’s why I only speak when I’ve had a drink."
"A good day starts with coffee and ends with vodka."
"In Russia, you can’t trust the weather. If you want it to rain, just wash your car."
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you — unless you run out of vodka."
"In Russia, the vodka flows like water, but beware — sometimes it’s the water that flows like vodka!"
"You never know the value of a card until you lose it — especially if it’s a vodka card."
"Sometimes, you need to make a mess to figure out where the vodka is."
"A bad day can be fixed with a good joke and a bottle of vodka."
"Patience is the key, but vodka is the lock."
"Why does a Russian want to live in America? For the freedom to drink vodka on weekdays."
"If it’s not funny, you’re just not drinking enough vodka."
"The only thing we Russians take seriously is our humor."
"Life without vodka is like a day without sunshine, but with too much of either is where the trouble begins."
"In Russia, we don’t have sushi. We have fish cooked in vodka."
"The sky is the limit, but in Russia, we still believe it’s only the beginning."
"If you get lost, look for the sun; if it’s not shining, you’re likely in Siberia."
"In Russia, we have a saying: 'As long as there’s tea, there’s hope.'"
"Trust but verify. And if you can’t verify, just trust the vodka!"
"They say money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy a ticket to Russia, and that’s close enough."
"Above all, don’t worry. In Russia, we have a saying: 'Worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.'"
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. If you want to make a Russian laugh, tell Him your weather forecast."
"Vodka is like love — the first taste is sweet, the second is strong, and the third an incredible journey."
"In Russia, we have a proverb: 'Do not feed the bears!' You laugh, but there are people who didn’t heed this advice."
"A Russian may complain about the weather, but they will never complain about the vodka."
"Everything in moderation, including moderation itself — especially when it comes to vodka."
"Having fun is serious business in Russia."
"In Russia, we sidestep our problems; that’s how we keep our vodka close."
"Love is a game, and vodka is the referee."
"Why do we have houses in Russia? So we have a place to fall when we drink too much vodka."
"In Russia, nothing is really perfect, except maybe the borscht."
"When life gives you lemons, grab the vodka and call it a cocktail."
"Some Russians say the best gifts come wrapped in a warm smile and a shot of vodka."
"In Russia, the student dormitory is not just a place to live; it’s a training ground for life, typically involving vodka."
"If a Russian offers you food, it’s a sign of love. If they offer you vodka, that’s friendship."
"We live in a beautiful world, but it’s easier to appreciate it after a few glasses of vodka."
"In Russia, we say if you can’t laugh at yourself, let’s laugh at your vodka selection."
"A good day in Russia starts with coffee and ends with vodka."
"To Russian comedians, everyday life is a stage, and vodka is the script."
"The best way to enjoy winter in Russia is with a warm coat and a cold drink."
"My friend speaks English so well, he even writes in English when he wants to insult me."
"In Russia, a person is known by the company he keeps. In America, by the company he does not keep."
"When I see a man with a mustache, I always think he must be hiding something."
"The only thing better than singing is more singing."
"Life is a struggle, but I prefer a struggle with coffee."
"I like to think of myself as a very aesthetic person, which is why I wear a turtleneck in summer."
"It’s not that the man is mad, it’s that he doesn’t realize how mad he is."
"If you want to be unhappy, watch the news."
"Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change the toilet paper."
"If my grandmother had wheels, she would have been a bicycle."
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And still potholes."
"In Russia, everything is possible except a peaceful day."
"Wanting to be a superstar can be dangerous, especially if you are in a Russian ballet company."
"Why do we always have to pay for the happiness of others? That’s why I eat cake."
"The best part about being a pessimist is that you can never be disappointed."
"I would tell you a joke about Russian politics, but it would probably get me arrested."
"The only thing harder than a Russian winter is a Russian joke."
"A friend is someone who helps you move. A best friend is someone who helps you move a body."
"A Russian will never ask you how you are. He will tell you how he is!"
"We live in such a difficult country that even our jokes have borders."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"In Russia, we have two types of weather: bad weather and very bad weather."
"Our national drink is vodka, but we eat pickles to maintain balance."
"If you steal my pen, you will regret it for the rest of your life!"
"He who laughs last didn’t get the joke."
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