129 result(s) for Funny Police Quotes.
"I didn’t do it. I’m just here to keep the peace."
"To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself."
"I can't be a police officer. I can't run in a straight line."
"The police are not here to create disorder. They’re here to preserve disorder."
"One day, I’ll come back and be a cop... in Mexico. Then all of you will be arrested, because it will be illegal to be stupid."
"In the movie business, the cops always seem to know where the bad guys are. In reality, it's mostly just a guessing game."
"You know what happens to a bad cop? They get a desk job."
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"I told the cops I didn’t want to play hide and seek anymore. They said they wouldn’t look for me."
"Cops are always on the lookout for someone. Mostly for donuts."
"If you see a crime, report it. If you see a cop, make a run for it!"
"In the end, I just want to get pulled over by the police for driving too slowly."
"Why don't they arrest me? I almost never do anything wrong!"
"If a police officer is over 6 feet tall, they can add another uniform size in donuts."
"It's hard to be a police officer with a donut in each hand."
"When I see a police car, I just assume they’re trying to catch up to their regrets."
"They say crime doesn’t pay. But then why do I have to pay for a speeding ticket?"
"My police officer friend said he doesn’t need a criminal record. Just a good sense of humor."
"You can’t outrun the police… but you can certainly run in circles!"
"Why do police officers always look so grumpy? They have to deal with all the silly criminals!"
"Have you ever noticed that the only place you can’t run from the police is in a donut shop?"
"I asked an officer for directions; he told me I was under 'arrest' for no good reason!"
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"Why did the donut cross the road? Because the police were chasing it!"
"Every time I see a police car, I wonder if I can get an autograph or just a warning."
"It’s not a crime to be hilarious, but it might be a crime if cops can’t take a joke!"
"A cop's favorite type of music? The sound of sirens and donuts being baked!"
"Bad news: I got pulled over. Good news: it was by a friendly officer who loves dad jokes."
"I don't always arrest people, but when I do, it's because they broke the law."
"To serve and protect. Just kidding, we're here to collect the donuts!"
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of someone else. That’s what police work is all about!"
"My favorite law enforcement agency is the 'Do Not Enter' sign."
"The police are just like a donut: they come with holes!"
"The cops wanted to know why I was driving so fast. I told them it was to keep up with my thoughts!"
"I'm not saying I'm Batman, but have you ever seen me and a police officer in the same room?"
"A cop is a guy who’s always looking for a reason not to give you a ticket."
"I told a police officer I was afraid of getting arrested. He said, 'Just obey the law, and you'll be fine.' I said, 'That’s the problem!' "
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"I used to tell people I was a law enforcement officer, then I realized it was just a badge of honor."
"What do you call a police officer in a bad mood? A 'cop'-out."
"Police: The only people who can look good in a uniform while looking horrible at the same time."
"Why did the police officer go to the grocery store? To get his 'arrest'!"
"The cop asked me for my license. I said it was on a 'need-to-know' basis!"
"I called the police today to report a crime. They said I needed to be in a better state of mind!"
"Why don’t police play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!"
"I really hate it when people standing in the rain yell 'help!' It’s like, I can’t give you a 'ticket' for that!"
"A police officer can take a donut but will not take my sarcasm!"
"Two cops talking: 'Yesterday I got a ticket for making a left turn!' 'What did you do?' 'I turned right!' "
"I got arrested for not doing my homework. My teacher said it was against the 'law' of education!"
"Why do police officers always carry a pencil? In case they have to draw their weapon!"
"Cops say they never forget a face. I guess that's why they wear badges!"
"I wanted to be a police officer, but I realized I couldn't deal with doughnut shop jealousy."
"A police officer stopped to ask how I could have my ears pierced and still hear properly. I said, 'I hear you loud and clear!' "
"Being a police officer is like a life of mixing dough and coffee – full of twists and turns!"
"Why did the police officer bring a ladder to work? He heard the job had its ups and downs!"
"I don't need to be perfect. I just need to be me. That’s the true police identity."
"I’m a cop. If you tell me you’re a little ‘off’, I will ask, ‘What’s your ‘mean’?'"
"When all else fails, go eat donuts."
"You can't fix stupid, but you can arrest it."
"The police are just like a donut. We have a hole in our hearts."
"I’ve seen a lot of people in handcuffs – but those are the ones that should have been handed a cupcake instead."
"To be a successful criminal, stay out of jail. To be a successful police officer, stay out of the donut shop."
"Real police work doesn't include donuts–it includes coffee."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, call me and I'll laugh at you."
"Why don’t police officers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they can always find you!"
"I used to be a police officer, but then I realized I was not a great actor."
"Life is too short to be a cop in a bad mood!"
"I don’t always arrest people, but when I do, it’s usually for being a jerk."
"You can't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive. Especially if I pull you over."
"Being a cop is like a donut – it’s all about the glaze."
"Police work is tough, but donuts make it bearable."
"Never underestimate the power of a police officer on a coffee break."
"The best part of being a cop? Free donuts!"
"Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? Because he heard someone was gonna be stolen!"
"The only thing standing between you and a donut is a police officer!"
"There is no problem that a donut can’t fix!"
"Police officers – keeping the streets safe and the donut shops in business!"
"I became a police officer for the donuts. The badge was just a bonus."
"Some days, the donuts just don’t taste as good without a good bust!"
"Do not disturb a police officer when he is eating a donut – it’s a crime against his mood!"
"I can’t drive 55! And I can’t drive 65. But I can drive 911."
"The police are like mushrooms. They keep you in the dark and throw a bag over your head."
"I told the police I was being robbed. They had the nerve to look at me and ask if I was sure it wasn’t my husband."
"My partner and I have a great working relationship. He gets the donuts, and I get the coffee!"
"Why do police officers always carry a pencil and a piece of paper? Because they want to draw their weapons!"
"To be a police officer, you have to be able to stand up and sit down too."
"You know you’re a cop when you don’t let the coffee run out at home."
"I’ve always wanted to be a cop so I could drink coffee and tell people what to do."
"Cops don’t make mistakes; they just create alternate facts."
"You must be from the police, because your attitude is arresting!"
"Never trust a man in uniform. They’re probably a cop."
"A cop is someone who is always right – until proven wrong."
"If you think I’m crazy, just wait until you meet the police!"
"What’s the difference between a policeman and a policewoman? The policeman has a donut in each hand."
"I used to be a cop, but then I took an arrow in the knee."
"The police are there to protect and serve – and enjoy a good piece of cake!"
"I asked the police for a copy of the report, they gave me a smile."
"Why do police officers wear sunglasses? So they can drive undercover!"
"Even the police want to get on my case. Probably because I’m a stand-up citizen!"
"The police may come when you call, but they do leave after a while."
"Do police officers ever have to call in sick? Just once and they’ll never live it down."
"Cops are like knights in shining armor, only with a little more grease."
"If all cops are stupid, why is it that no one has ever stolen their horses?"
"The only thing better than a police car is a police car with a donut on the roof."
"Being a cop means never having to say you’re sorry – especially if you didn’t do anything wrong."
"Always respect your local police – they’re just doing their job… most of the time."
"I don't always get to drive a squad car, but when I do, I make sure to chase ice cream trucks."
"Police work is really a lot of fun. Every time we make an arrest, we sort of feel like we're on TV."
"I asked the police officer for his number. He said, 'What for? Are you planning to commit a crime?'"
"The officer told me to prove I was sober. I asked, 'How? By taking a breathalyzer or just singing?' He laughed and said, 'Both?'"
"Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? He heard someone was stealing second base!"
"As a cop, you know you're getting old when you stop chasing after criminals and start chasing after your own dogs."
"In my experience, most criminals are chronic rule-breakers. They just don't tend to follow the rules of humor either."
"Stop! Or my mom will arrest you!"
"I told the police officer I wanted to make a fast getaway. He handed me a lecture on speeding."
"Why did the policeman bring a ladder to work? He wanted to reach the high notes on the radio!"
"To be a police officer, you need a sense of humor—an ability to laugh at wrongdoings while doing your job right."
"When life gives you lemons, call the cops; they'll take care of those lemon thieves!"
"If you think your boss is tough, try being a police officer. We have to handcuff people and still smile for the camera!"
"A policeman is a fellow who is good at doing the tough jobs, then laughing about it."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To help the police catch the speeding car!."
"I wish I had a dollar for every time a criminal called me a ‘pigs’—I'd have enough to buy back my donut!"
"I got pulled over by a police officer. He said, 'Do you know why I stopped you?' I said, 'For my good looks?'"
"What do you call a police officer in bed? Laying down on the job!"
"People say I have a bad memory, but I always remember to contact the cops whenever I need a laugh!"
"If at first, you don't succeed, you need law enforcement. They'll give you a ride home instead!"
"I love policing. It's like being a superhero, only with more paperwork and fewer capes."
"What’s the difference between a police officer and a magician? One helps you see into the future if you don't pay your tickets!"
"What did the police officer say to the magician? 'You think you can make my donut disappear?'"
"The only time a cop looks good without a badge is when he's reading a book in the library."
"You know you're in trouble when you get pulled over and the police officer says, 'Let's take a ride...'"
"Why don't police officers eat donuts on duty? They can't afford the time to be 'suspended'!"
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