25 result(s) for Lawyer Jokes And Attorney Quotes.
"How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving."
"A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a 'brief'."
"How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Lawyers prefer to keep things in the dark so they can charge by the hour."
"The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer."
"A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes advantage of the loophole."
"Lawyers are like beavers; they get in the mainstream and dam it up."
"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"Lawyers believe in hell because that's where they send each other."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client."
"A lawyer without briefs is like a general without troops."
"Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your fortune."
"The Good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits whatsoever on his stupidity! That's why you need us lawyers!"
"In America, an acquittal doesn't mean you're innocent, it means you have reasonable doubt that you're innocent."
"Sometimes I need to remind myself that bad lawsuits make good law."
"I don't like to lose, and that isn't just on the tennis court. I hate losing at everything I do, whether it's helping my kids with their homework or challenging my wife to a game of Scrabble."
"I object to people running down professions that they know nothing about."
"Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser - in fees, expenses, and waste of time."
"The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law."
"If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers."
"I have nothing but respect for the law. Most of the criminals I have known are brighter than most of the cops."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"Going to trial with a lawyer who doesn't care about your case is like attempting surgery with a rusty butter knife: dangerous and potentially fatal."
"You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them."
"A man who has himself for a lawyer has a fool for a client."
"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust."
