128 result(s) for Funny Quotes From Therapists.
"I told my therapist about my fear of abandonment. Now we've got a real situation on our hands."
"Therapist: 'So, how does that make you feel?' Me: 'Like I'm in therapy.'"
"I don’t trust people who don’t like tacos. I don’t trust therapists who don’t like tacos either."
"I asked my therapist if we could talk about my trust issues. She said it would be a huge breach of trust."
"Therapists are just like your friends, except they charge you and don’t let you talk about politics."
"My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I’m going to take my time healing this one."
"I told my therapist about my procrastination issues. She said we’ll talk about it next week."
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"I don’t need therapy. I just need to complain to someone who can’t say anything back."
"Therapy is great, but I’d still prefer to have a mysterious illness that pays for everything!"
"My therapist said I need to start listening to my own advice. So I’m ignoring her."
"I told my therapist about my oppression complex. Now I feel mighty good."
"If you can’t add to my life, just stay out of my therapy session."
"Therapists are like art dealers. They’re good at identifying problems and have a unique way of framing them."
"My therapist said I should work on my self-esteem. So I told her she's the best therapist ever."
"Do I need therapy? Ah, who am I kidding? I’m a mess, but I’m a happy mess!"
"I asked my therapist for strategies to improve my self-control. She said to control the urge to ask for strategies."
"Therapists: because sometimes, even your problems deserve an audience."
"If laughter is the best medicine, can we skip straight to the punchlines rather than the therapy?"
"My therapist says I have a phobia of therapists. I can’t decide if I should get a second opinion."
"My therapist gave me three options: own my problems, walk away, or take up juggling. I chose juggling."
"I told my therapist I was afraid of commitment. She suggested I commit to therapy sessions instead."
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"They say laughter is the best medicine – but my therapist still charges me for her prescriptions."
"Therapy is like a video game: you have to find your own way through the daunting levels of life."
"If therapy doesn’t work out, I’ll just start writing self-help books and become a millionaire."
"My therapist just stifled a laugh. I knew I was onto something special."
"She's not a therapist, she's a mental gym coach; I just need to work on my mind squats!"
"I told my therapist about my obsession with revenge. We moved on to the next topic."
"Therapy is the only place where you can admit you are crazy without being judged."
"I told my therapist I feel like a million bucks. They said, 'That's inflation for you!'"
"My therapist told me time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him. Now we wait."
"I finally told my therapist about my fear of commitment. It was a good start, but he didn't get a call back."
"Therapists are like unicorns: you think they’re magical until you realize they’re just people with degrees."
"Why was the therapist so bad at sports? Because he always wanted to talk about his feelings!"
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that!"
"It’s hard to be a therapist when you forget what you were going to say."
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"They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So, I’m admitting I have several."
"I’m not a therapist, but I’d diagnose this conversation as ‘not going well’."
"The best part about therapy? Getting paid to listen to other people’s drama!"
"Therapists are simply friends who charge you more per hour."
"In therapy, I learned to count my blessings. And then I realized I had a lot more questions!"
"I took my therapist’s advice and started taking things one day at a time. Now I’m two weeks behind!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I used therapy talk in a conversation, I’d have... a lot of dollars to discuss in therapy."
"Everybody wants to change the world; I just want to change my therapist!"
"My therapist said to look for the silver lining. But every time I do, I see another therapy bill!"
"Do you know why therapists never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from someone who sees right through you."
"I told my therapist that I have social anxiety. He told me I need to get out more. I told him we’ll discuss that next session."
"My therapist has an incredible way of making problems feel trivial—until I get the bill!"
"Why did the therapist break up with his partner? They didn’t know how to handle conflict—which is ironic."
"I wanted to be a therapist, but I considered the stress level and decided I’d rather be insane!"
"As a therapist, I listen to problems all day and still find time to have my own!"
"I went to see a therapist about my obsessive shopping. They suggested I buy him something nice."
"If a therapist had a dollar for every time someone worried about something they can’t control, they’d likely have to see a financial planner."
"The only thing between you and happiness is your ego and your bank account. Just kidding. It’s probably your mother."
"Therapists are like coffee: you can sip them slowly or chug them down quickly, but either way, you're going to need more support in the morning."
"I have a therapist, and as soon as I get my bills paid off, I'll start paying him too."
"Therapy: where you can pay someone to listen to you, and they don't just pretend they didn't hear you when you get off the phone."
"I told my therapist about my anxiety, and he said, 'Have you tried not being anxious?' I said, 'Isn't that the point of coming to see you?'"
"My therapist says I need a job where I can take my anger out on my patients, so I’m considering carpentry."
"The only reason I go to therapy is to tell my therapist all the funny stories I have about my friends."
"If you think of therapy as a weight loss program, my therapist is basically my personal trainer—and I'm still scheduled to meet him on Monday."
"It’s not that you’re a bad person, it’s just that your choices are sometimes like wearing socks with sandals."
"You think you have life figured out? Imagine my job: I hear people's secrets all day and get paid for it. Crazy, right?"
"In therapy, you learn to say 'no' to things. My therapist hates it when I say 'no' to paying him."
"My therapist says I have a bad habit of making a mountain out of a molehill. I told him that's what social media is for."
"If you think therapy is expensive, try dealing with your problems without it. That’s even pricier!"
"A therapist can’t cure your problems, but they can certainly help you find a much prettier way to talk about them."
"I tell my therapist all my problems—mostly so that he has a good laugh between sessions."
"The best part of therapy? It’s the only place where you can tell someone all your problems, and they can’t roll their eyes."
"Therapists are like ATM machines for emotions: you put in your problems and hopefully get nothing back or better still, less than you put in."
"My therapist says I’m too negative. I told him, 'That’s just my realistic perspective on life.' He laughed and told me to see a good dentist."
"Why did I decide to go to therapy? My friend's daughter told me I need to face my fears. I told her I'm terrified of bees…and she said, 'Well, then.'"
"I told my therapist, 'How come everyone else is crazy except me?' He smiled and said, 'That’s what they all say.'"
"Therapists are like mechanics for the mind: they charge you too much, but when it’s working, it’s smooth sailing!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, you should go to your therapist. They’ll help you figure out what’s going wrong—with a sense of humor."
"Every time I leave therapy, I feel like I just had an emotional colon cleanse."
"If getting a degree in therapy included a class on how to laugh at people's ailments, I'd make a fortune."
"Having a therapist is like having a gym membership for your mind. You can skip it sometimes, but you’ll definitely feel the difference when you go back."
"It's not your fault that you're a mess. It's your fault if you stay a mess."
"The only thing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it."
"You can't solve a problem by thinking about it. You can't think a problem away; you can only talk it out and use the best thoughts from others."
"All of psychology is about growth — growth toward better understanding and acceptance of the self."
"Therapy is like a really long phone call with your best friend, but without the wine."
"If you think therapy is expensive, try being miserable."
"The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is to take a nap."
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."
"If you’re going through hell, keep going… it’s cheaper than therapy."
"I told my therapist about my fear of commitment. He said, 'Let’s talk about that… next week.'"
"The key to happiness is being too self-absorbed to notice how miserable everyone else is."
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you're not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
"You are how you feel. So, if you feel like a mess, you’re probably doing great!"
"Sometimes the best therapy is a conversation with a friend or a large pizza."
"It's okay to be a glowstick. Sometimes we need to break before we shine."
"Not all who wander are lost. Some are just looking for a good therapist!"
"If your mind is racing, your body is tired, your heart is hurting, just remember: your support group is probably hosting a bingo night!"
"Some people just need a high-five. On the face. With a chair."
"I'm on my way to being the best version of me. But first, coffee."
"Therapists are like wine; the older they get, the better they become."
"Life doesn't get easier; you just get better at dealing with the crap."
"Not everyone is going to like me. I’m not a pizza."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is knowing it will eventually be over."
"Anxiety is like a friend who overstays their welcome."
"May your coffee be strong and your Mondays be short."
"Therapy is like a bath; if you don’t clean up after yourself, you’ll just end up dirty again."
"The only thing I ever got from therapy was a parking bill."
"In therapy, you learn to put your past in the past—unless it’s still around for lunch."
"I told my therapist about my game obsession. Now, he wants me to control my ‘cravings’."
"I have my therapist on speed dial. I mean, I have a lot of issues!"
"My therapist doesn’t have a couch. He works strictly with chairs, apparently he believes in standing therapy!"
"Therapists should get combat pay for dealing with all our drama."
"What’s the difference between a therapist and a magician? A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, while a therapist pulls patients out of their hats!"
"Therapy is great, but what I really need is someone to just nod while I complain."
"I’ve been in therapy so long, I’ve started taking notes on my therapist!"
"Some people just need a therapist's office to feel good about venting. That's the real therapy!"
"Therapists are the only people who can make crying sound like a rational form of communication."
"I told my therapist that I feel like a bag of chips—full of feelings and ready to be opened!"
"I thought about going to therapy, but I decided to just talk to my plants instead."
"My therapist told me I’ve been avoidant. Well, he doesn’t have to worry. I’ll just avoid that conversation."
"They say laughter is the best medicine; if that's true, I guess my therapist is my pharmacist!"
"How do you know you need therapy? When you start giving therapy to your pet!"
"Therapy: because sometimes talking to your fridge just isn’t enough."
"I think my therapist is secretly a comedian, but with a diploma."
"Why did the therapist bring a ladder? To help you reach new heights!"
"I went to therapy, and all I got was this lousy self-awareness!"
"Why do we call it therapy? Some days it feels more like therapy-apocalypse!"
"You know your therapist is good when you start to feel guilty for making them work so hard!"
"Therapists: turning your mess into a masterpiece, one session at a time."
"The difference between therapy and a bad sitcom? At least the therapy makes some sense sometimes!"
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