91 result(s) for Funny Quotes For Marriage.
"I wasn’t always an eight. Sometimes I’m a four; sometimes I’m a ten."
"Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flooded, and you’re somehow drowning."
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
"Marriage: a word which should be pronounced 'mirage'."
"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."
"A wife is just like a car. You have to keep your hands off the steering wheel."
"The only thing worse than a bad marriage is a bad divorce."
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"Marriage is not a love affair. It’s an exercise in legal accounting!"
"I don’t know what makes a marriage last. But I know what makes a marriage hard: I married him!"
"There is no perfect marriage, only a series of perfect moments."
"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."
"Marriage: a cause and effect of unsuitable partners."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
"One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again."
"To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence."
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife."
"In my house, I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
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"Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity."
"I'd marry again if I found a woman I could trust to be a good shot."
"Chances are, when you’re married, it’s a sign you made a choice."
"The trouble with marriage is that it seems to begin when we have found our mate and ends when we find the rest of the world."
"Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended properly, it improves with age."
"A marriage is like a long conversation. Sometimes you do the talking, other times you do the listening."
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it, whenever you’re right, shut up."
"A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes in it."
"Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life."
"My husband and I are like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade."
"There is no such thing as a perfect husband, but there’s such a thing as a felon."
"Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."
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"The four most important words in any marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'"
"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."
"Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurassic Park."
"In every marriage, there’s one person who’s always right, and the other one is the husband."
"Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry."
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning."
"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together."
"Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the fingers and wallets are put in the pockets."
"A married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing."
"The trouble with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast."
"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband."
"My wife and I have been married for over four decades. As a result, I've learned to keep my mouth shut most of the time."
"Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy."
"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash."
"Being married is like having someone to annoy you for the rest of your life."
"My husband and I are like a computer and its software: We need each other to function, but we often have compatibility issues."
"In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager, a cheerleader, a comforter, a protector."
"In the first year of marriage, you are the one who talks; then in the second year, you will be the one who listens."
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late."
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it."
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
"Couples that are 'meant to be' are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger."
"A married couple is a team that plays together, although inevitably one partner ends up carrying the other."
"Finding the right person to marry is like finding a needle in a haystack, but you might as well enjoy the hay while you look."
"People say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’ And that’s how marriage feels sometimes."
"Marriage is an adventure. It’s like going to war, and you have to work together to get through it!"
"Married life is full of surprises. Sometimes it’s good surprises, sometimes not so good."
"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband."
"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always."
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman."
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife."
"Marriage is not just about finding someone you can live with; it’s about finding someone you can’t live without... until 10 PM."
"I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret."
"Marriage is a two-way street. It’s just that one car is usually bigger than the other."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short."
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever, but it does guarantee that you will be together for the rest of your lives."
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
"In marriage, you’re always a little right and a little left."
"Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!"
"I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her."
"If you want your spouse to listen to every word you say, talk in your sleep."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
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