126 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Cars.
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"The first car I ever drove was a Chevrolet. It was a great car. I can't remember if it gave me any problems, but I do remember it being a lot of fun. I think my mom just kept it running by threatening it."
"My car is my second home, and I often lose things in it — including my mind."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in for a check-up. But I can't complain. They give you good wheels in there."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a car, and that's pretty close."
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"My mechanic told me, 'It's not that your car is old; it's just that it has a vintage personality.'"
"The only car that doesn't break down is the one that you can't afford to buy."
"Driving a car is like riding a bike. If you don't do it all the time, you'll fall off for sure."
"My car runs on coffee and gasoline, and occasionally a few colorful swear words."
"I've got a great car; it knows the fastest route to the repair shop."
"I named my car 'Go Faster' — so everywhere I go, people cheer me on."
"Cars are like diet plans, they often break down when you need them the most."
"The cars we drive say a lot about us. Mine says 'I'm over budget.'"
"If plan A doesn't work, don't worry! The alphabet has 25 more letters — and one of them is probably 'car!'"
"A car is a dream that you can sit in."
"Never let your car be too smart. It might start thinking for itself."
"I asked my car for directions. It just told me to take it easy."
"A car isn't just a means of transportation; it tells the world about your personality—and maybe your credit score."
"Absent-minded drivers are just taking detours to the next adventure."
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"The best vehicle is the one that makes every trip feel like a joyride."
"I can’t decide whether to buy a new car or have a baby — either way, I’m sure to end up broke."
"Some people just drift along in life. I prefer using a car for that purpose!"
"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest."
"I don't really care how a car looks. I care how it works."
"Cars are like teenagers. They don’t always listen to you."
"Driving a car is like a good marriage; only the right people can get in."
"The car is the closest thing we will ever create to something that is alive."
"I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. And I can also change my car."
"My car is a piece of junk – it doesn’t have a back seat, but I have a back seat driver."
"If the car is too much trouble, I’ll just call for a taxi. I mean, what’s life without a little excitement?"
"I told my car I needed a break, and now it won't start."
"The best way to get your kids to do things is to tell them they can’t."
"It’s a shame that the cars in the future will not have an onboard coffee machine."
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"I drive a car that is too big for me. But it's great for picking up groceries and friends that I don't really want to hang out with."
"Running out of gas in a car is like losing your voice in a crowd; it’s the silent scream of doom."
"I’ve seen the car of my dreams; now I’m seeing my bank account."
"This car runs better than it looks. And trust me, it looks terrible."
"I have a car that is a true road warrior – it’s in the shop more than it’s on the road!"
"My car is so old that it was considered a classic before I bought it!"
"I decided to take a road trip, but my car looked at me like I was crazy."
"If my car had feelings, I’m pretty sure it would be very offended right now."
"My car is like a bad relationship; it wants to take me places I don’t want to go!"
"I’d like to be the type of person who dreams of a fast car. Instead, I’m stuck dreaming of maintenance appointments."
"My car doesn't auto-start; it needs a motivational pep talk to get going!"
"Nothing lasts forever; especially not my car."
"Every time I fill the tank, I wonder if it would be cheaper to just pay a monthly rent on it instead."
"My car is like a family member; sometimes I love it, but mostly I just shake my head at it."
"I can't decide if I'm a bad driver or if there's just a lot of bad drivers on the road."
"The worst part of my life is that I can't drive without being annoyed by the other drivers."
"I told my car to take me where I wanted to go, and now I’m lost in a cornfield."
"I think the cars are still going to be used for us to shop for groceries and run errands."
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."
"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."
"Parallel parking is like trying to find a quiet place to think in a crowded restaurant."
"If cars were meant to fly, they would have been born with wings."
"My car is like my second home. Except my second home doesn’t have insurance."
"Auto repair is like surgery. Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re saving the patient or just giving them a better ride to the grave."
"If you can’t change the world, at least you can change your oil."
"I participated in the 50's and 60's because I had a car that wanted to grow up."
"The only time I get nervous in a car is when I have more than one person in the back seat."
"My car is my therapist. It listens to all my problems, and it never judges me."
"I love to drive. It’s one of the few times I can be completely alone with my thoughts — and my snacks."
"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you need to get your car checked out."
"Driving is the only form of therapy I can afford."
"My mechanic told me, 'I’ve got good news and bad news. Your car is a lemon, but it’s low-fat!'"
"I ride because it’s easier than explaining to people why I don’t drive."
"Behind every great driver, there's a story of regrettable reverse."
"I always feel bad for people who don’t own cars. I mean, their seats are always bolted to the ground."
"I bought a new car. I smile every time I think of it and can’t wait to go and drive it. Just not at rush hour."
"When a car starts to sing, it’s usually asking for more gas money."
"Cars don’t lie. They can only bring you to the truth - sometimes unexpectedly."
"Roads were made for journeys, not destinations — and the same can be said about all crazy routes we take in our cars!"
"I couldn’t find my car keys, so I made a key that opens every door. Now I can’t find my car."
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
"My car is worse than my house. I can’t find anything in it."
"A car is like a mother-in-law. If you let it, it will make you miserable."
"I told my car my problems. It just revved its engine and went into neutral."
"Why is it that when you drive a new car, everything smells like a new car, but when you eat a new burger, no one else can smell it?"
"I don’t drive fast; I fly low."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch... in my car."
"I used to be a mechanic, but I couldn’t take the oil changes anymore."
"Why did the car break up with the girl? Because she had too many issues!"
"I thought I saw an angel in my rearview mirror, but it turned out to be a cop."
"The only thing I can’t fix is a broken heart—unless I’m driving my car."
"Cars are like my friends. Some are reliable, some are barely usable, and some just sit in my driveway looking good."
"My car’s been rear-ended more times than I have, and I have a lot of embarrassment."
"I washed my car today. It’s now cleaner than my house!"
"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a car. Now I just want to drive one."
"If you don’t like where you are, just move; you are not a tree—or a parked car."
"Honk if you love peace and quiet!"
"I bought a dog and named him 'Insurance.' Now I know my car is covered!"
"I finally found my car keys! They were stuck in my other pants…"
"Some days, you just need a little road and some good tunes."
"I’ve learned that if you stop at every red light, you’ll find there’s a lot to see... especially the backs of other cars."
"My car is my personal therapist. It listens to all my problems without judgment."
"If my car can take me away from all my problems, I’m driving it hard!"
"Cars are like relationships; the more you care, the better they treat you."
"I broke the speed limit on my way to a parking space. At least I was on time for my ticket!"
"My car is like my baby. It needs gas and it sometimes won't start if it gets too cold."
"I don’t drive fast. I just fly low."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"The only time I can’t drive is when my car is being towed."
"If you think this is bad, you should see my other car."
"Always take a banana to a party. Bananas are good on flares."
"I hit a deer once. I didn’t even know that I was driving a car!"
"Driving cars is like riding a bike. Once you learn, you just forget how to do it to avoid everything else."
"The best part of driving a car is when you can make a move and blame it on the car!"
"Life is too short to drive boring cars."
"I couldn’t find my car keys so I made a new key out of a car door latch. Now, I can’t find the car!"
"I don’t always stop at red lights, but when I do, I make sure it’s out of gas."
"Cars are like lovers: When they break, you have to be careful not to get hurt!"
"I bought a great car, but I still have my bicycle."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"My car is a real beauty; it just won’t work!"
"I wish I could drive like I can park! With no direction!"
"God created man, but I love my car."
"You know you're a car enthusiast when you make excuses to go out and just sit in your car."
"My car and I have a commitment. The more it breaks down, the more I pay for it."
"I bought the world’s worst car. It wouldn’t start at all; I learned on my streets!"
"What do you call a car that’s still under warranty? A heap!"
"Some people are like cars; they just can’t turn the right way!"
"I used to be indecisive about owning a car, but now I’m not so sure."
"A car is like a relationship—you drive it, you fix it, and you can end up in the ditch if you’re not careful!"
"May your car always go faster than your problems!"
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