25 result(s) for Funny Memes Quotes.
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!"
"I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off."
"I hate when I lose things at home. Like, I was looking for my support group, but I couldn't find it, so I had to go to a meeting."
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of Doritos and a chocolate cake. I feel great."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
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"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"People who use selfie sticks really need to step back and evaluate their lives."
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"I'm not sure what's tighter, our jeans or our budget."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and also, I sleep in."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."
"If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why do they put a light in the refrigerator?"
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"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else."
