99 result(s) for Funny Ireland Quotes.
"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"You can take the man out of Ireland, but you can't take Ireland out of the man."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"What's the Irish word for a heating device? Hott Irish."
"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again."
"What do you expect when you're the son of an Irishman? The only good thing about being ill is that you get your first day off in nine years."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
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"When I was a kid I was the class comedian, and I always was a very happy person. I just loved to make people laugh."
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet."
"Ireland is a nation of saints, scholars, and yes, you see, shysters."
"Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen."
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold."
"The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world."
"May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live."
"In Ireland, the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs."
"I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd weather."
"What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk."
"In Ireland, the land of shamrocks and leprechauns, are teachers more likely to run out of gold stars?"
"In Ireland, the term 'kiss me, I'm Irish' is more than just a pickup line, it's a legal obligation."
"Why do people in Ireland put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more would be 'too farty'."
"You know you're in Ireland when the 40 shades of green have 50 shades of rain."
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"The only sure thing about the weather in Ireland is that it will change before you can find your umbrella."
"Being Irish is not about where you were born or what religion you follow. It's about having a love of life and a sense of humor."
"In Ireland, the pubs are like churches. Everyone confesses their sins over pints."
"When in doubt, bring your wellies to Ireland. You never know when you might need them."
"In Ireland, the leprechauns are out celebrating every time you successfully parallel park."
"The Irish don't need an excuse to party, but they'll find one anyway."
"The Irish have the ability to laugh at themselves, and that's a gift."
"In Ireland, even the worst storm is just nature's way of telling you to stay inside and have a cup of tea."
"As Grace O'Malley said, an Irish party does not liven up until the first fight breaks out."
"In Ireland, a good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything."
"When visiting Ireland, remember to pack both your sunscreen and your raincoat; they'll both come in handy."
"The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it."
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
"In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting."
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"The heart of an Irishman is nothing but a potato that is dug up too soon."
"When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious."
"You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer."
"The Irish don't live in the world, they live for the world."
"In Ireland, there's no bad weather, only the wrong clothes."
"The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another."
"Are you looking for a pot of gold? Because I’m your leprechaun!"
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."
"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon."
"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything."
"You know you're Irish when you're very careful about how you pronounce 'whale' and 'well.'"
"Life is like a cup of tea, it's all in how you make it."
"In Ireland, the inevitable never happens, but the impossible always does."
"I come from the land of the leprechaun and the banshee's wail."
"May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty."
"An Irishman has an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains him through temporary periods of joy."
"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was."
"May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, and never catch up."
"There are only two kinds of people in the world, the Irish and those who wish they were."
"May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
"In Ireland, the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly does."
"The longest road out is the shortest road home."
"When I count my blessings, I count you twice."
"An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting."
"May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks. May your heart be as light as a song."
"The Irish are brave people, but they are not very strong; they're like a weak cup of tea!"
"May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out."
"Loneliness breaks the spirit; a long drink strengthens it."
"May your troubles be less and your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door."
"May you have food and raiment, a soft pillow for your head. May you be 40 years in heaven before the devil knows you're dead."
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures."
"If you're lucky enough to be Irish, you're lucky enough."
"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time."
"The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch."
"I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it."
"You know it’s summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer."
"I'm Irish! We think sideways."
"There are only two kinds of people in the world: The Irish and those who wish they were."
"Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don't want to press your luck."
"Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me."
"The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent."
"The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried."
"Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers."
"You know you're Irish when... you leave the immersion on all day just to be sure the water stays warm."
"May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far."
"Ireland is a land of poets and legends, of dreamers and rebels."
"An Irishman's heart is nothing but his imagination."
"You know it's the best time to visit Ireland when even the ducks are wearing rain jackets."
"The Irish are a very passionate people. They love their own, even if they're hired goons."
"An Irishman can't keep quiet. He's a rebel and a rabble-rouser."
"Ireland is where strange tales begin and happy endings are possible."
"The Irish can be funny and ferocious, make music, make love, and make life’s toughest moments easier."
"May the roof above us never fall in. And may the friends gathered below it never fall out."
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
"You'll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind."
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