130 result(s) for Funny Diarrhea Quotes.
"There’s nothing funny about having diarrhea; funny is when your friend slips on a banana peel."
"Diarrhea is how the body tells you that you’ve been eating unidentifiable things."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Laughter is the best medicine unless you have diarrhea then it just makes it worse."
"You know you're getting old when you start to feel like you're a walking health hazard."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
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"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"To err is human, to arr is pirate!"
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"They say laughter is the best medicine. That's the case, but it also makes you run for the bathroom."
"I started out with nothin' and I still have most of it left."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I didn’t fall. I’m just spending some quality time with the floor."
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work; the alphabet has 25 more letters!"
"I've learned that age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!"
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
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"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo."
"I didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose me."
"I'm on the patch right now for my advanced case of the runs. They say laughter should relieve the pressure, but it just makes it worse."
"I've been through some crap in my life, but never as much as this."
"Don't trust people who don't have diarrhea. They don't know what it means to be liberated."
"The only time I enjoy running is when I have diarrhea."
"Diarrhea is the only thing that makes me appreciate traffic jams."
"When your stomach is in knots and you can't trust a fart, that's when you realize you're a prisoner of your own body."
"I finally understand why toilets are always in the bathroom. It's not just for washing hands."
"Why do they call it 'running' to the bathroom? The only thing running is my stomach... and my dignity."
"Having diarrhea is like being in a bad relationship: it rears its ugly head when you least expect it!"
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"I have a love/hate relationship with food. Mostly hate when it comes out the other end."
"Diarrhea is like a wild party — you never know who’s going to show up and how long they’re going to stay!"
"When in doubt, just go to the nearest restroom. That's my motto."
"If laughter is the best medicine, then diarrhea is the best catalyst."
"My life is like a series of unfortunate events, glibly narrated but often ending in the bathroom."
"I thought I was done with the bathroom visits, but then I realized, it's never over until it's over!"
"The history of the world is marked by two things: the things we eat and the things we've sent racing to the bathroom."
"To me, the internet is great, but you haven't lived until you've had a viral moment in the bathroom."
"Life is like a box of chocolates—you never know what your digestive system will think of them."
"I would rather sit on my couch and enjoy a comedy than be in a frantic race to the loo."
"If you can't laugh at yourself while having diarrhea, then you need stricter toilet humor standards."
"Diarrhea may not be pretty, but it definitely teaches you the importance of timing."
"A toilet a day keeps the doctor away—especially when it’s a runny day!"
"May your life be like your favorite recipe: full of spice, but never causing a rush to the bathroom!"
"Laughter and diarrhea: both come out unexpectedly and can be terribly messy!"
"There are two types of people in this world: those who have had diarrhea and those who will."
"Never underestimate the power of a bathroom break—it can save your life."
"I used to think that being a good communicator was about being eloquent, but all I learned in my first year of marriage was that the best communication was screaming at the bathroom door."
"Diarrhea is like a swimming pool. You don't want to get in it, but everybody does sometimes."
"I finally got a good deal on that airplane ticket, but I can't say the same for my bowel movements."
"I’ve got to go; it’s either that or I’ll end up like a flat tire."
"To my stomach: This is not a food challenge. Please don’t treat it like one."
"When you gotta go, you gotta go—but when it’s an emergency, you’ve just got to hope for the best."
"There’s a fine line between a pleasant evening and a late-night bathroom marathon."
"I’ve discovered the true meaning of 'running for your life'."
"There are two types of people on Earth: those who have experienced diarrhea and those who will."
"There's no problem so big it can't be solved by running to the bathroom."
"I thought the worst part of my day was the meeting, but then I remembered I had taco night planned."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? I’d love to know that during my next bathroom dash."
"The one who stresses the most about a long car ride is usually the one who forgot to pack the Imodium."
"My stomach says 'salad' but my taste buds scream 'taco', and thus, chaos ensues."
"If you can make it to the bathroom in time, consider yourself a success."
"Who knew that 'exiting the building' could be an Olympic event?"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but some things just need a bathroom break."
"Nothing brings a family together quite like a dubious taco bar."
"Heard the one about the guy who told the waiter he was 'not feeling well'? It’s a one-way ticket to the restroom."
"Every meal is a gamble. You either win or you’re looking at a midnight sprint to the bathroom."
"If only my bowel movements were as planned as my weekends."
"You never realize how close you are to the edge until you see the bathroom sign."
"The real reason a bathroom is the best place to brainstorm? Nobody questions your silence."
"Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now—my stomach is negotiating terms with the taco from last night."
"I love how responsibilities fade away when you’re racing to the restroom."
"Some call it diarrhea; I like to think of it as a very intense cardio workout."
"I told the doctor I had diarrhea, and he told me to be careful or I might get a ‘flush’ of attention."
"When in doubt, flush it out!"
"My greatest fear is that I will be at a fancy restaurant and suddenly have diarrhea in front of everyone."
"Life is like a toilet; sometimes it's clogged, and other times, it flows."
"The only people who complain about diarrhea have never had regularity."
"I have a great diet: I can’t keep anything in my stomach for too long."
"I’m so full of crap! No wait, that’s just diarrhea."
"Diarrhea is like having a bad roommate; you can never get rid of it completely."
"Why worry about the world ending? It’s already tomorrow in Australia, and I just had diarrhea!"
"Diarrhea: Nature's way of telling you that it's time for a life change."
"Not all heroes wear capes; some just carry toilet paper."
"I think I’m in a committed relationship with my toilet seat."
"A little bit of humor can help you push through any bouts of diarrhea."
"Remember, toilet paper is your best friend during a diarrhea crisis!"
"Nothing ruins a good day like stomach cramps and a bathroom key card."
"If you can laugh during a diarrhea attack, you’re already winning!"
"Diarrhea: the only thing that can send you running for the loo faster than a sale at IKEA."
"In fifth grade, I learned that the best way to avoid diarrhea is to avoid cafeteria food."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I might argue that toilet access is a close second."
"I thought I was a runner until I experienced diarrhea in the middle of a marathon."
"A day without diarrhea is like a day without sunshine."
"If life gives you lemons, just don’t mix them with dairy - or you'll get diarrhea!"
"The true test of a friend? They’ll hold your hair back during a diarrhea episode."
"Broke my record for fastest bathroom sprint today; it felt like a personal best!"
"Never trust a fart after taco night, or you might be saying hello to diarrhea!"
"One minute you’re enjoying a meal, the next you’re engaged in a chaotic dance with diarrhea."
"The only thing worse than a bad haircut is a bad haircut and diarrhea at the same time."
"If I had a dollar for every time I had diarrhea, I wouldn't be broke."
"I told my doctor I was feeling really emotional. He said, 'Is it diarrhea or is it just that I'm hard to talk to?'"
"Diarrhea is the most effective fat burner. Throw in a little stress and it's a guaranteed weight loss."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure. Especially when it comes to bowel movements!"
"Diarrhea: because sometimes it’s better to let it all out."
"If you're not on the toilet, you’re not living your best life!"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. Especially when it leads to diarrhea!"
"Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!"
"If laughter is the best medicine, then I must be an over-the-counter laxative."
"Eating Taco Bell is like having a wild night out; it always ends with diarrhea!"
"I have a joke about diarrhea, but I can’t get it out!"
"When life gives you lemons, squeeze them into some water and pray you don't get diarrhea!"
"Farting is just diarrhea's way of making it easier for you."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but a good dose of Imodium doesn’t hurt either!"
"Why do I never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the diarrhea has a way of escaping!"
"I tried to start a diet, but it ended up in the toilet."
"I wanted to be an archaeologist, but I kept digging myself into a hole, like when I have diarrhea!"
"Laughing at such a horrible thing is the only way I know how to cope with diarrhea!"
"I’m on a see-food diet; I see food, and then I pray it doesn’t cause diarrhea!"
"People say you are what you eat; I must have eaten something that turned my insides inside out!"
"You know it’s going to be a rough day when the coffee hits you harder than expected."
"I don’t always go to the bathroom, but when I do, it’s usually an emergency!"
"A day without laughter is a day wasted, unless you have diarrhea – then it's just wasted time!"
"Why did the stomach ache? Because it couldn't handle all the jokes about diarrhea!"
"My life is a series of unfortunate bowel movements."
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