119 result(s) for Funny Daddy Quotes.
"I can’t believe how much I miss you when you’re home."
"I'm not a dad, I'm a father of dad jokes."
"I told my kids that we are having pizza for dinner, and one of them sighed, 'That again?' Kid, you live in America. You're lucky I'm not serving you bugs."
"I don’t always say ‘I love you’, but when I do, I’m probably about to ask for a favor."
"I asked my dad for his best dad joke, and he said 'I don't have any. I always just tell you to turn off the lights.'"
"I remember when I was a kid, my dad gave me a hundred dollars and my mom caught him. She said, 'That was a good trade!'"
"Being a dad is like folding a fitted sheet. Nobody really knows how."
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"Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. Thank you for that, kids."
"If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0. – A Dad"
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. – A Dad"
"Dear Dad, I get your jokes now. They’re still bad, but I get them. – Unknown"
"Fathers are like GPS - they always know where we are, just not how to get us to listen."
"A father’s job is not to give his children all they want, but to let them learn to appreciate what they have."
"Dad, can we go bowling? We can expect a strike like your dad jokes."
"The only thing better than having you for a dad is my kids having you for a granddad."
"Dad: A man who has photographs instead of a wallet."
"You’re not just a dad, you’re my dad, and that’s my favorite part about you."
"I told my kids I was going to be a dad. They chuckled and said, 'Good luck with that!'"
"If you think my dad jokes are bad, you should hear my mom’s puns!"
"Happy Father’s Day! Just kidding, you’re still on thin ice."
"Being a dad is like being a dad is like being a dad – but worse!"
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"I'm not a dad bod. I'm a father figure."
"I told my kids I was going to be an astronaut. They laughed and told me to aim higher."
"Behind every great kid is a dad who’s pretty sure he’s screwing it all up."
"I used to be cool, but now I’m just a dad."
"Dads are like milk. They always make everything better."
"Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch."
"You know you're a dad when you can repeat the same joke nine times and still laugh."
"Dad, you're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now.'"
"Being a dad is 80% showing up, 15% praying, and 5% insisting on knowing the answers."
"I don’t believe you have to be a dad to write a good dad joke. You just need a good sense of puns."
"Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for."
"I’m a dad, you know. That means I have a license to embarrass."
"My daughter asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall.' I said maybe."
"Anyone who tells you fatherhood is easy is lying. It’s hilarious, but it’s not easy."
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"I'm not a regular dad. I'm a cool dad."
"Every dad is a part-time comedian."
"Dad jokes are like dad jeans—they're a bit cheesy but get you through the day."
"Fatherhood is the only profession where you can be fired for having a bad part-time job."
"To be a good dad, always give your kids the benefit of the doubt, except when they ask for dessert."
"There’s something about a dad's smile that can turn a gloomy day into sunshine."
"Dad: I never intended to be a dad. I just really wanted a great excuse to be a big kid."
"Being a dad is like playing a video game. You don’t know what you’re doing until you’ve done it a dozen times."
"The first rule of dad club is you don’t talk about dad club… but you do get to tell dad jokes."
"Dads work hard to decorate the homes of their kids with love…and dad jokes."
"If at first, you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 and ask your dad for help."
"I told my kids I could make a better sandwich than they could. They said, 'Prove it, Dad!' So I made them my sandwich! They're still in therapy."
"Dad, you're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, 'Not now!'"
"The only thing I love more than being a dad is the dad jokes that come with it."
"I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs."
"My dad always said, 'Never take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.'"
"You know what I love about dad jokes? They always come with a smile and a groan."
"I’ve got 99 problems, but the kids’ bath time ain’t one."
"Being a dad is like having a job that’s 24/7 and you never get paid, but the rewards are priceless."
"Dad, you are the reason I have a great sense of humor; I just wish I could tell my jokes as well as you tell yours."
"I asked my dad for his best dad joke. He replied, 'Hi, best dad joke! I'm your dad.'"
"My dad can lift me up. It's called a dad-bod workout."
"When I was a kid, I thought my dad could do anything. Now I just think he’s a guy who can find one tool in a huge garage."
"Every dad should remember one thing: Your kids will think you’re a superhero until they reach 12; then it’s a gradual decline until 25."
"Being a dad is like being a magician. You gotta keep pulling rabbits out of your hat!"
"Son, if you ever get pulled over by the police, just tell them you’re just trying to help dad fix the car."
"I don't need a therapist. I just need to talk to my dad."
"Dad, can I borrow the car? Sure, just make sure no one sees you driving it."
"Having a great dad means I learned everything I need to know about dad jokes!"
"A dad is a guy who has a great sense of humor, especially when it comes to running late."
"It's not hard to be a dad; it's hard to be a good dad!"
"To the world, you are a dad. To our family, you are the world."
"The secret to being a good dad is to always say yes unless you can find a good excuse to say no."
"I told my kids that they are living in a democracy. I then clarified that it was a dictatorship where I am the dictator."
"Dad: a title just above king."
"I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out why I just can’t pray for my kids and check them off."
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."
"I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad!"
"As a dad, my job is to bring order to chaos. And it’s a full-time job."
"Dad jokes are how I share my love."
"When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you."
"You know you're a dad when you say 'disappointment' instead of 'the other D-word'."
"A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be."
"Dad, you're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think 'Not now.'"
"Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for."
"Behind every great kid is a dad who’s pretty sure he’s screwing it up."
"Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from such a young age."
"The hardest part of parenting is not what you say, it’s how it feels when you say it."
"Being a dad is 80% making sure your kids are fed, and 20% trying to remember where you put your glasses."
"The secret of dad’s success? It’s all in the dad jokes."
"A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again."
"You can't scare me, I have kids."
"If at first, you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0 and try again later."
"I'm a cool dad, and I like to keep my coolness, just like my pizza delivery speed: fast!"
"Being a dad is like being a detective. You follow the clues that lead you to the diapers."
"You know you're a dad when your favorite game is 'Guess What This Stain Is.'"
"To be a dad means to have the courage to look ridiculous in front of your children."
"Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth. She was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream."
"I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"You know you're a dad when you have to remind your kids that you’re not the one who eats all the food in the house."
"To be a father requires patience, love, and giving up the 'I' for the 'we'."
"Dad: the man, the myth, the legend, the one who 'borrows' your stuff without asking."
"I have a new motto: 'If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.'"
"I know that I am not a perfect parent, but I can say with pride that I am a prankster!"
"Being a dad is like having a kid on your team who only demands attention when they are losing."
"When a father gives to his child, both laugh; when a child gives to his father, both cry."
"I asked my dad for his best dad joke, and he said, 'I don't know, son. What's your best joke?'"
"You can’t make my dad mad; he’s a professional at holding in his emotions."
"Being a dad is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park."
"I've never been a millionaire, but I know I'd be darling at it."
"A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall, but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again."
"The greatest gift I ever had came from God; I call him dad!"
"Dad, you’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I felt I should wait for just a little bit longer."
"I told my son I was going to be his dad, and he said, 'That's great! What will you call yourself?'"
"You can’t scare me, I have kids."
"Being a 'dad' is a great responsibility, but most of us are up for the challenge. Just like being 'told' by our kids that we must do it right!"
"'To be a dad is to love your children even when they are making you crazy.'"
"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill"
"A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow."
"I'm a dad. But I also like to think of myself as a parent regeneration unit."
"The only thing kids wear out faster than their shoes is their parents."
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