Memorable Archer Quotes

128 result(s) for Archer Quotes.
"I’m not a monster. I’m a man. Just a man with a lot of issues."
Sterling Archer
"It's a scientific fact that if you don't stop saying 'Archer' there will be a series of increasingly embarrassing incidents leading to public disgrace."
Sterling Archer
"You know what I love about the road? It’s just a series of perfect little moments."
Sterling Archer
"I'm always at the top of my game, unless I'm not."
Sterling Archer
"When you’re an archer, you have to be quick, precise, and ready for anything."
Sterling Archer
"I don’t know what’s worse, finding out who your friends really are or finding out you don’t have any."
Sterling Archer
"I’ve got a soft spot for the bad guys."
Sterling Archer
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"It's not about what you want; it's about what you need. And right now, I need a drink."
Sterling Archer
"I can’t be a part of your plan if I’m doing all the heavy lifting while you stand by and look pretty."
Sterling Archer
"Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was America!"
Sterling Archer
"The only thing better than a great sandwich is a great sandwich with a side of sarcasm."
Sterling Archer
"Just because you’re a paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you."
Sterling Archer
"If I wanted to be a spy, I wouldn’t wear a silly costume."
Sterling Archer
"Who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned drinking game?"
Sterling Archer
"The only thing that could make this better is if we had a really cool logo."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not saying I’m Batman, but… well… I’m just saying."
Sterling Archer
"This is my shock face. I have a lot of practice."
Sterling Archer
"Some days I wish I could just stay in bed with a stack of comics and a sandwich."
Sterling Archer
"There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is in ‘I’m a genius.’"
Sterling Archer
"A drink is not just a drink; it’s a mood, a lifestyle, a friend."
Sterling Archer
"I don’t care what anyone says. I’m still the best!"
Sterling Archer
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"Nothing is more important than that first cup of coffee in the morning."
Sterling Archer
"An opinion is just that; it’s not a fact."
Sterling Archer
"Death is nature’s way of telling you to slow down."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not even mad. I’m impressed."
Sterling Archer
"I take my coffee like my women: hot, strong and able to wake me up."
Sterling Archer
"I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m going to find out."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not a hero. I’m a professional."
Sterling Archer
"Why don’t you just take your pants off and get in the pool?"
Sterling Archer
"Lana, you’re not my mom!"
Sterling Archer
"It’s like a montage, but without the music."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not going to let you ruin my evening like a bunch of fools!"
Sterling Archer
"I really have to stop eating so much cheese."
Sterling Archer
"This is so much more than a job, it’s like a lifestyle."
Sterling Archer
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do."
Sterling Archer
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"Who do you want to be? Because that’s who you are."
Sterling Archer
"It’s not about what you look like; it’s about what you can do!"
Sterling Archer
"Kill them all and let God sort them out!"
Sterling Archer
"When people ask me what's the most important thing to a successful mission, I always say: 'Don't die.'"
Sterling Archer
"I mean, I’m not a monster. Or am I?"
Sterling Archer
"I’m going to need you to take a step back and rethink your life choices."
Sterling Archer
"Just because you’re a spy doesn’t mean you can’t wear a good suit!"
Sterling Archer
"It’s a conspiracy! A conspiracy of idiots!"
Sterling Archer
"Astonishingly, I don’t care."
Sterling Archer
"I have no idea what I’m doing."
Sterling Archer
"You can’t just hurl yourself into the river of life without having a damn good plan!"
Sterling Archer
"The only thing worse than being wrong is being right at the wrong time."
Sterling Archer
"I’ve learned that communication is the key to a successful mission."
Sterling Archer
"The only thing I can do is stay classy."
Sterling Archer
"I am in no way shape or form good at talking about my feelings."
Sterling Archer
"Success is like being pregnant: Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you were f***ed."
Sterling Archer
"You can’t trust anything that comes out of her mouth; it’s all lies!"
Sterling Archer
"I’m a passionate believer in the written word. I mean, how else would you explain this?"
Sterling Archer
"You’re a genius! And like most geniuses, you get distracted easily."
Malory Archer
"I’m not an addict, I’m just a very committed user."
Sterling Archer
"You know, I'm not saying I'm a superhero, but no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room."
Sterling Archer
"Lana, you’re the best. And I’m sorry. I just never thought I’d say that."
Sterling Archer
"I don’t do well with others. Or with people. Or with anything, really."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not going to say it’s easy, but it’s not hard either. It’s like playing chess... against yourself."
Sterling Archer
"The only thing I care about is getting to the end of the day without running into any huge problems."
Sterling Archer
"If I were a more serious person, I’d take that to heart."
Sterling Archer
"It's a simple rule: Idiot always wins."
Malory Archer
"I can’t believe that no one thought of this before. You guys are idiots."
Sterling Archer
"Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking."
Sterling Archer
"I’d say I’m sorry about the misunderstandings, but that would imply I actually care."
Sterling Archer
"I have to go to the bathroom. Also, I’m a terrible person."
Sterling Archer
"Please! I’m a secret agent. I don’t do things like that!"
Sterling Archer
"I’m not talking about how to build a better mousetrap; I’m talking about building a better mouse."
Sterling Archer
"The world is a terrible place filled with awful people. But you have to trust me on this one."
Sterling Archer
"Why would I want to do anything different when this is working out so well for me?"
Sterling Archer
"When someone tells you that you’re doing it wrong, it’s usually because they’re doing it wrong."
Sterling Archer
"I don't even believe in God, but he would love me."
Sterling Archer
"If I can't be in charge, I'll just have to take over."
Sterling Archer
"You know, if it wasn't for the poor people, I wouldn't be where I am today."
Sterling Archer
"The first rule of the agency is: trust no one."
Sterling Archer
"Shooting is a skill; ninjas are an art."
Sterling Archer
"I guess it's just a matter of time before I screw everything up again."
Sterling Archer
"I can't help but wonder if there's more to life than just this. And if there is, I don't want to know."
Sterling Archer
"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!"
Sterling Archer
"Nonsense. I don’t care who you are, I want you back. I love you. You’re my best friend."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not a hero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath."
Sterling Archer
"The world doesn’t revolve around you, and it sure as hell doesn’t revolve around me."
Sterling Archer
"I’m going to take a shortcut. It’s called ‘cutting the crap.’"
Sterling Archer
"You’re the only one I can count on to be there for me. Not that I need anyone."
Sterling Archer
"This is why I don't tell you anything!"
Sterling Archer
"There's nothing to be gained from watching people die."
Sterling Archer
"I found a very attractive woman who had the same high-powered job and a fancy location, and it killed me."
Sterling Archer
"Like a ghost. A sexy, sexy ghost."
Sterling Archer
"Well, you can’t live your life in fear of what you can’t control."
Sterling Archer
"I have a thing for women with book smarts and street smarts. It's pretty much my type."
Sterling Archer
"I may not remember what happens in an hour, but I sure do remember the things that will kill me."
Sterling Archer
"I can’t do this without you. But, I can’t do it with you!"
Sterling Archer
"Yes, it’s all coming back to me now. Just like a really bad dream."
Sterling Archer
"Do it for the thrill of it. You can find the thrill in anything!"
Sterling Archer
"The only thing better than being right is being doubly right and really, really mean."
Sterling Archer
"A good cop is a bad cop with a good plan."
Sterling Archer
"I’m an intelligent man, but I also know I’m a tiny speck of dust."
Sterling Archer
"It's only a matter of time until I grow as a person. You wait and see."
Sterling Archer
"Does it ever occur to you that your lifestyle, and your choices may not be conducive to a long life?"
Sterling Archer
"I'm going to make you a deal you can't refuse. But you won't like it."
Sterling Archer
"It’s like I’m the star of my own movie! And, surprise, surprise, the director is a total jerk!"
Sterling Archer
"I’m out here fighting crime! Or, you know, doing the next best thing."
Sterling Archer
"I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m doing it really well."
Sterling Archer
"Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!"
Sterling Archer
"I’m not a hero. I'm a high-functioning sociopath."
Sterling Archer
"Phrasing!"
Sterling Archer
"You know what? I’m in. I’m in, and I’m out. We’re all in and we’re all out!"
Sterling Archer
"I’m going to do what I do best: lie, steal, cheat, and survive!"
Sterling Archer
"You’re like a big, dumb baby"
Sterling Archer
"I can't believe I have to say this, but: put your pants on!"
Malory Archer
"I don't want to be a part of this. You are all insane!"
Cyril Figgis
"Just because you have a family, it doesn't mean you have to lose your friends."
Cheryl Tunt
"Nothing is more important than how you look."
Lana Kane
"I'm an adult. I'm a responsible adult. I'm… a responsible adult."
Pam Poovey
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
Sterling Archer
"I’m not a spy. I’m a show dog!"
Sterling Archer
"I'm so sick of hearing about your damn crystals!"
Ray Gillette
"You know, I am a little ashamed of being sharp-tongued, when I am not being as beautiful as I’d like to be."
Cheryl Tunt
"It’s not a hotel. It’s a ‘prestigious training facility.’"
Malory Archer
"I'm not just a secretary! I'm a sharp-tongued, deeply misunderstood woman!"
Pam Poovey
"It’s not that I’m against being married. It’s just that I’m against being married to you."
Lana Kane
"I don't need a reason to be unhappy!"
Sterling Archer
"This is a life-or-death mission! Sort of! More like a death-or-downtime mission!"
Sterling Archer
"I can't take you seriously in that hat."
Lana Kane
"Are you trying to start a fight, because it’s a fight you will lose."
Sterling Archer
"You don’t have to be crazy to work here. But it helps!"
Malory Archer
"I could drive a wedge between the two of us, but you seem to be doing a fine job of it all on your own."
Lana Kane
"You know what they're saying: 'Don’t make me use my outside voice.'"
Pam Poovey
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