107 result(s) for Witty Work Quotes.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"My boss told me to start the presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."
"It's good to be the king."
"I can’t believe I shared a desk with him for all those years without realizing he was a moron!"
"You're never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Unless you're trying to find a new job."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take that chance?"
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"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"If your boss is not making you uncomfortable, you are not growing."
"Meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"When in doubt, mumble."
"It's not the heat; it’s the humility."
"I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name."
"You can’t teach a kid to ride a bike at a seminar."
"Monday is the day that my coffee needs coffee."
"Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that it’s Monday tomorrow."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful."
"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."
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"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"The only time to be positive you won't come back is when you're on a one-way trip."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"I can resist anything except temptation."
"It's hard to explain why I don't like working with lazy people."
"As long as there are math tests, there will be prayer in schools."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We laughed, we both laughed. He said, 'I can't compete with the competition.' I said, 'Goodbye then.'"
"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."
"It's the job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
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"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night in a closed room with a mosquito."
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
"I am really a very simple person, but I have to admit it took a great deal of work to become this simple."
"The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."
"I didn’t get there by wishing for it or hoping for it, but by working for it."
"Work is not man's punishment. It is his reward and his strength and his pleasure."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
"A programmer is just a tool which converts caffeine into code."
"If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you."
"I don’t always work, but when I do, I prefer to work with a deadline."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"It's not about how bad you want it. It's about how hard you're willing to work for it."
"I always give 100 percent. Unless I'm donating blood."
"I don’t always succeed, but when I do, it’s usually after a fair amount of failure."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"The road to success is long and winding, but the self-driving car is almost here."
"It’s a good thing I’m not a professional procrastinator; I would never get any work done."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"All progress takes place outside the comfort zone."
"I used to work out, but then I realized I was just paying for a gym membership."
"I can't wait to retire so I can do nothing all day."
"You're not paid a salary; you're paid a change in your existing reality for the better, and it is alchemy."
"I am not lazy. I am just on my energy-saving mode."
"The future depends on what you do today."
"I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but ‘work hard’ is not in my top five life mottos."
"Hard work pays off after time, but laziness pays off now."
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."
"I don’t always work, but when I do, I prefer to do it sarcastically."
"I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me. He asked which ones. I said, gas, electric, and water."
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
"Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"It’s not that I’m so smart; it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
"My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home."
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise."
"I used to dread getting up in the morning, but now I can’t wait to go to work."
"You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We’ll train you."
"Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it’s easier if you don’t have to do it alone."
"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said."
"Always give 100% unless you’re donating blood."
"I love my job only when I’m on vacation."
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"My boss told me to start the presentation with a joke. The joke is my salary."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"It's not the heat, it's the humility."
"Meetings: none of us is as dumb as all of us."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get that."
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?"
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"There's no I in team, but there is a me."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay. He asked what companies. I said, gas, electric, and water."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
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