111 result(s) for Witty Quotes About Work.
"The only time to be positive you won't come to an early death is when you go to work."
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
"Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"If at first you don’t succeed, swearing sometimes helps."
"I used to love my job as a professional cricket player, but then I realized I was just working for a bunch of bats."
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"A clear conscience is a sign of a fuzzy memory."
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"It's a shame that the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter."
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"Work is what you do for others, lief is what you do for yourself."
"To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart."
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me, and I need a raise to stay at my job. We laughed about it later."
"The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week."
"The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
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"The only time to be positive you won't come back is when you die."
"I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma."
"My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home."
"Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything."
"I find my zen in a completely full inbox."
"To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer."
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."
"Good boss. I mean my boss is good. Not the best. But good. Not too good. Just good."
"Don't worry, we are all in this together... just you are at the back."
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"Behind every successful man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
"The only thing worse than training your employees and having them leave is not training them and having them stay."
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"The only time to be positive you've got a clear path is when you're on the edge of a cliff."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."
"A committee is a group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."
"I always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday."
"My boss is like a software update. Whenever I see him, I think, 'Not now.'"
"If you think your boss is the reason you’re not successful, you’re wrong. You’re the reason you’re not successful."
"I can’t help but wonder if my office is a social experiment with me as the guinea pig."
"I get up early in the morning and drag my rear end out of bed. I get dressed, grab a mean cup of coffee, and drive to where I work. In the two hours it takes to get there, I can make up my mind if I really want to go."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?"
"It's not about how much you do, but how much love you put into what you do."
"In the corporate world, the only time you’re considered ‘person’ is during performance appraisals."
"I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you."
"Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"The worst part of my job is that I have to work with people who insist on being themselves."
"A job is not just a paycheck; it should bring some level of fulfillment."
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"Teamwork makes the dream work, but a good leader is a nightmare."
"To err is human; to really screw up requires a computer."
"If you're doing your job well, some people won't like you."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Work smarter, not harder."
"My work is like my vacation, so in a way every day is like Saturday."
"The only time to be positive you've got a clear path is when you’re on the edge of a cliff."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I’m not a businessman; I’m a business, man."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I have a great job. I get paid to play. I'm a stand-up comic; what's more fun than that?"
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?"
"Work hard, nap hard."
"The reward for good work is more work."
"The future depends on what you do today."
"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs."
"I think hard work is important. But so is having fun."
"Hard work often beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"It’s not about money. It’s about sending a message."
"I am a firm believer in the theory of pay as you go."
"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."
"I work really hard to keep my job, but not hard enough to get promoted."
"If your job is to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning."
"My boss is the best. Just ask him."
"The difference between a job and a career is the difference between fourteen and thirty-five."
"There’s no business like show business."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"The only time to be positive you won't come to a dead end is when you're on the edge of a cliff."
"I find a lot of people some of the time, and some people all of the time, but I never find all people all of the time."
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
"Funny how people can be on your side, yet still want to be paid."
"I am running a marathon, not a sprint. But I might decide to walk with a cocktail in my hand instead."
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter."
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
"A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"I get up every morning and excited to go to work, because I know I won't be in trouble there!"
"I dreamed of a job for one day, where I could make the waiting lines shorter. Turns out, it’s just called a queue."
"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"I’ve got 99 problems, and they all get solved at work."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"If you think your boss is a pain, just remember: he’s the one responsible for your paycheck."
"I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me. He asked which ones. I said gas, electric, and water."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
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