113 result(s) for Funny Tumblr Quotes.
"I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. It’s just a lie."
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I would like to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
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"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?"
"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"I don’t need therapy, I just need my cat."
"I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"Sometimes I wonder if my dog is the only one that gets me."
"Adulting is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how."
"You can't make everybody happy. You're not a taco."
"You can't just stop a train with your bare hands; you need at least a shovel."
"Why don't we all just wear capes and call ourselves superheroes? It's basically the same thing."
"I have a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy."
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"If I’m not back in five minutes... wait longer."
"I wish I could be as skinny as my patience."
"Sometimes I wonder if I’m a character in someone’s sitcom."
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult."
"My brain has too many tabs open."
"Why do they allow 'silent' and 'listen' to be spelled with the same letters? That’s just rude."
"If I were a vegetable, I’d be a cute-cumber."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I don't need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I can’t find my sanity. If you see it, please return it."
"I'd agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I can't believe I used to complain about being bored. Now I just complain about being overwhelmed."
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"Who needs therapy when you can just go on Tumblr?"
"I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"I have a mind like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states."
"Dear future, I am ready. I just hope you're not as boring as the past."
"I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff."
"Sometimes I forget that I’m not actually a cat."
"I don't need an angel on my shoulder; I have a devil on my phone."
"I don’t always make jokes about my life, but when I do, they’re not funny."
"If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even light in the fridge?"
"I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate."
"One day, I will be rich. Until then, I’m just going to make a lot of weird noises."
"I was raised by wolves, but for some reason I’m still really bad at howling."
"Sometimes I wish I could see my life as a movie. But then I remember I wouldn’t want to sit through it."
"I’m not sure how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before."
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I finally know what I want to be when I grow up: too old to care."
"Why doesn’t the universe come with a manual?"
"I can’t decide if I’m a mess or just a creative person."
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
"I would like to be a unicorn because they seem to be having more fun than any other animal."
"If you think I’m weird, wait until you meet my imagination."
"I’m pretty sure my spirit animal is a sloth."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right?"
"Exercise? I’d rather eat cake than run."
"I told my friends I was going to be a professional napper one day. They laughed. I’m still in training."
"The only thing standing between me and my dream is that I forgot my password."
"I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
"If I was a vegetable, I would be a ‘couch potato’."
"I can’t believe I’m still single. I mean, I’m awesome."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat."
"If I was a vegetable, I’d be a cute-cumber!"
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!"
"You can't make everyone happy. You're not a taco."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I’m on an all-carb diet. I only intake carbs."
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing."
"Procrastination is my middle name. It’s actually my first name too."
"Coffee: because adulting is hard."
"Why do we let our kids dress themselves? I would have chosen a cowboy hat and a tutu."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"Dear Math, I’m not a therapist. Solve your own problems."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions."
"I like to think of myself as a 'Professional Overthinker'."
"Every time I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers."
"I’m not great at advice, but I’m really good at sarcasm."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I am not arguing, I am just explaining why I am right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I was going to take over the world, but I overslept."
"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?"
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Some days you just have to create your own sunshine."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing."
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a taco."
"I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I’m not weird. I’m limited edition."
"I can’t believe I’m finally getting my life together... just kidding, I’m on my 9th phone charger this month."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down."
"The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and mornings are stupid."
"I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong."
"If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my correct opinion."
"If life gives you lemons, just add vodka."
"I don't always procrastinate, but when I do, I prefer to do it later."
"I don’t want to adult today. Please don't make me."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
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