128 result(s) for Funny Hockey Quotes.
"I think we are going to lose our last Canadian leaf to the Americans."
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is for white men dressed like black pimps."
"I always loved to watch hockey. My favorite player was Wayne Gretzky, when I was a kid. My dad would take me to the games and we loved it."
"You know what they say about big players: They're big."
"The only thing better than a goal is a goal that brings victory."
"If you don’t like this, you don’t like hockey!"
"The puck stops here."
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"Hockey is a tough game. The team that is tougher usually wins."
"If you can’t beat them on the ice, you can at least beat them at the bank."
"You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice."
"If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right."
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"It's about time we start talking to the world about how great our game is."
"We’re not gonna comment on the referees. Just gonna let the league take care of that."
"I don’t want to be the last one to take off my skates, but I also don’t want to be the first one to take off my skates."
"If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
"Hockey players are like kangaroos. They can’t play without their skates."
"I really think this is going to be the year I shave my beard if we win the championship."
"I'm just happy to have my name on the Cup. That’s a good start."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
"We’re going to win it. I guarantee that."
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"People say they’re going to win, but we’re really going to win."
"I don’t look at it as a job. It’s a privilege."
"It’s tough losing, but you’ve got to brush it off and be ready for the next game."
"A lot of people say there’s no sense of humor in hockey. That’s absolutely not true."
"You’ve got to be patient if you want to win. It’s a marathon, not a sprint."
"Hockey is a game of failure. The best players fail more than anybody else."
"I always say, if you can’t get up after a fall, then you’re not playing hockey."
"It's a great day for a hockey game; let's play!"
"We’re not playing for the money. We’re playing for the honor of winning."
"The only thing better than scoring a goal is watching it be scored in the last minute of a game."
"Hockey’s the only place where you can be kicked by an opponent - and then still skate away laughing."
"I love the game of hockey and I love the game of golf, but I would never put a hockey stick on a golf course."
"Referees are like a bad ice cream sundae – you want to enjoy it, but it just spoils everything."
"Playing without a helmet is like driving a car without insurance."
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"In hockey, the only thing better than winning the Cup is coming back to the locker room and having a beer with your buddies."
"I’d rather be a median player in a millionaire sport than a superstar in a Tuesday night beer league."
"As a goalie, I feel like the last line of defense against stupidity."
"I don’t know how to skate, but that doesn’t keep me from watching hockey on TV."
"Hockey is like a broken pencil: pointless."
"Every time I go to a hockey game, I’m rooting for the team with the best uniforms."
"You can’t really measure how talented a player is by how many of his fingers he has left."
"Hockey is life, but don't tell my wife."
"People say that I have more excuses than goals, but I like to call them 'strategies'."
"I love hockey, even if I'm not very good at it, which is sort of the point."
"The only difference between a hockey player and a fisherman is the fish don't talk back."
"If I had a dollar for every goal I scored, I would have a dollar."
"In hockey, if you lose your stick, you’re just expected to go back and get it; in football, you’re expected to sacrifice your body to get the ball."
"Hockey players are like computer programmers; don’t mess with their code or you’ll get smacked."
"The playoffs are not about who's the best; they’re about who can keep a straight face while falling on the ice."
"When life gives you lemons, throw them at the opposing team."
"I think the best advice I could give to any coach is to make sure you have a strong defense. If you don’t have that, you’re going to end up spending a lot of time in the penalty box."
"Hockey is a sport for white people. Disco is for girls. And gay people."
"I’m not saying my team is bad, but they didn’t win the game on purpose – they actually let the other team score."
"You can’t put the blame on a player when the whole team is out for lunch."
"I couldn’t be happier because the fans are exciting and I love playing here. It’s a great place to play until you get traded."
"The only time I don't ask for a penalty is when I'm getting knocked out."
"I think we were all pretty motivated to play harder tonight. I told the guys if we can win, we can just stay in the hotel three days and eat room service."
"The game is a lot like chess with the exception that chess has a lot of strategy and hockey just has stick and puck."
"Nobody ever says, 'I want to be a role player.' No, they want to be a star."
"My favorite part about hockey is that it’s a game where you can have a really bad game and still blame your goalie."
"Ice hockey, it’s a game where you get to skate around on ice and hurt people legally!"
"We’re all full-grown adults and we can act only as we like. Okay, this is just a game – we can fight, drink beer and smoke cigars."
"We have a saying: 'You can't get beat if you don't fall down.' And I've been on the ice plenty this week."
"Hockey is like a game of chess, and I’m always thinking three moves ahead."
"I love hockey. I love playing. And if I can make them laugh while doing it, hey, that’s even better."
"Every time I say 'We’re going to have a tough game,' they look at me like I'm crazy because they think we're going to lose."
"Hockey’s a tough game. It's like boxing on ice with sticks!"
"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing: don’t let the other team score!"
"I’d love to be able to write a book that tells players what works and what doesn't. But then again, I’d be out of a job!"
"If you can’t take a hit, you should be playing tiddlywinks instead of hockey."
"Winning a trophy is like a good beer, but getting traded, well, that’s just flat out hard to swallow."
"No sport is less respected than hockey. People just think you’re a guy with a multicolored stick falling on ice."
"I told my wife that I’m going to retire from hockey – as long as she lets me stay out late golfing!"
"A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be. And eats tacos!"
"Hockey players are like cigars; they burn brightly but sometimes too fast."
"I don't know what you've heard, but I don't play against the game, I play against the other teams."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take."
"I'm not a bad coach; I'm just better at making speeches than making decisions."
"I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been."
"Being in the NHL, I've learned that it's okay to be a little crazy."
"The only thing better than a goal is two goals."
"Hockey is a tough game. In hockey, you can’t put your head down for a second."
"I'm just a hockey player, so I don't really say much. Except when I have the puck."
"In hockey, you have to be mentally prepared for disappointment. So is the coach!"
"You can't win 'em all, but you can sure make a lot of funny memories."
"There are a lot of guys that can skate, but they’re skaters and not hockey players."
"In hockey, the puck goes where it wants—you're just the one trying to hit it."
"Hockey is the only place where it's acceptable to throw a glove, and it's not a tantrum."
"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, they’re all inside shooters."
"The best players in the league are usually the ones that have the most fun."
"I'm not a brawler, I'm just really passionate about my socks."
"They say the team that works together, wins together. But let’s not forget about the snacks."
"I'll never understand why people complain about icing. It's part of the game—and it's delicious!"
"If you think hockey is just a game, then you’ve never been on the ice."
"There's an odd amount of ice time involved in this game. It gets chilly!"
"I always told my players, if you're going to make a mistake, make it at full speed."
"As a player, you have to enjoy the game, and I always say, ‘Have fun or let someone else do it.’"
"The best part about hockey is that you can always come back to the bench!"
"I think of myself as a hockey player first and a comedian second."
"To me, there's nothing sadder than a hockey player who can't find the punchline."
"I love hockey because it's a sport where you can be in a fight and then hit a home run."
"I'm so glad I don't play hockey; I can't skate and I don't have a stick!"
"You can't buy happiness. But you can buy ice cream, which is kind of the same thing when you're watching hockey!"
"Hockey players are the only players who are tough enough to wear a skirt on the ice!"
"I know I’m not a great skater, but I'm a great faller!"
"Why do hockey players make terrible detectives? Because they always miss the net!"
"You can’t put a price on love, but you can put a price on a hockey stick—then you can call it a bad relationship!"
"Hockey is a sport played by animals on ice; these animals are sometimes ice fishermen!"
"Behind every great hockey player is a parent who used to hold their stick for them!"
"Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score!"
"Every time I watch hockey, I'm reminded of my dad... especially when he yells at the TV!"
"If you think hockey is life, you're right—it's just a spin on a very thin blade!"
"Why do hockey players make great friends? Because they're always there to help you check your emotions!"
"Hockey is the only sport that allows fighting; so it's basically like a soap opera on ice!"
"Why don’t hockey players like to play cards? Because they’re afraid of the cheaters!"
"I don't always play hockey, but when I do, I prefer to end up on the ice!"
"A hockey rink is the only place where you can be cold, yet feel so hot!"
"Keep calm and pass the puck; because sometimes the funniest plays are also the ones that work!"
"Hockey is like love; it requires a lot of practice and a good pair of skates!"
"Why did the referee go broke? Because he kept blowing his whistle!"
"In hockey, every day is a chance to score on the ice or at least fall flat on your face!"
"Hockey is the only place where I can legally trip someone without getting arrested!"
"If you don't laugh at a hockey game, you're probably in the wrong section!"
"How do you make a hockey player smile? Just add ice!"
"Hockey: the art of skating well and falling even better!"
"Why did the goalie bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the game was going to the next level!"
"If hockey was any more serious, it would be called ‘life’!"
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