120 result(s) for Theo Von Quotes.
"Life is just a treadmill and I'm just barefoot walking on it."
"If you're scared you're gonna get eaten, don't look like food."
"Just remember, nobody's tall when they're on their knees."
"Sometimes you have to look at things from a different vantage point."
"I speak Southern. It's the only language I know."
"If you're not even aware, how can you even be self-aware?"
"I thrive in awkward situations."
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"You know you're not in shape when you can hardly breathe doing yoga."
"People do what they know, but they don't know they know."
"You ever been so redneck you pop a blood vessel doing sudoku?"
"Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is just to observe it more."
"It's hard to be a man these days, all you can do is the best you can."
"Creativity is just connecting things that are already there."
"If you ain't redneck, you just ain't trying hard enough."
"Be a human first, a friend second, an ally third."
"I feel like whenever you meet somebody's dad, you should fight their dad."
"Dream big, but work small."
"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body."
"A lot of people just want to wear floaties in the shallow end."
"It's okay to not be okay, just don't make your living there."
"You gotta treat your day like a pregnant lady, you know? You gotta take it one day at a time."
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"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to text you back."
"Some people are out here slinging jokes, I'm out here slinging hope."
"You can't help nobody if your helicopter's upside down in the water, you know?"
"I don't think that texting and driving is a good idea. You text pretty good when you're parked, why don't you try that!"
"You know you're driving a little hungover when the stop signs are like, 'Hey you stop.'"
"I'm not saying aliens built the pyramids, but I am saying somebody did that."
"It's hard to be offended by somebody when you're standing next to them..."
"One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. And in Louisiana, anything can be a hotdog if you believe."
"Yo girl got a tramp stamp, that's like sending a resume out in crayon."
"If you see a sign that says wildlife crossing, that's an animal freeway, back up."
"You can’t always judge a book by its cover... but you can if the title say 'I'm a Book.'"
"Sometimes you gotta let friendships go. I had a friend get mad at me for five years… I just rode the wave and waited for him to die."
"It's important to remember to keep the main thing the main thing, unless the main thing ain't your thing."
"You can lie to a screengrab, but you can't lie to your mom."
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"A wise man once said... nothing. Don’t worry about it."
"Sometimes in life you have to take a chance, and sometimes you’re the chance that somebody else is taking."
"You can’t eat a sandwich doing 100 miles per hour, I don’t care what anyone says. That’s just science... or not science."
"Life is like a social media post, sometimes you just gotta scroll past the drama."
"You can change your mind, but you can’t change your rewind."
"People that talk about their future too much are the ones that get left behind."
"Life is always funnier when you're unemployed."
"You can't come back from straight failure."
"You know? Nothing’s forever, man. Not the good and not the bad."
"There’s certain things I won’t talk about, like dreams. Why mention that you have goals? That’s grim. "
"Any scene that’s too peaceful and serene is very nerve-wracking."
"We’re all living in a movie. The problem is I paid the see the Elton John story but I’m watching Ice Age."
"You discover your essence when you’re tired."
"I’ll tell you something about truth. Sometimes you gotta run from it."
"I’m from Louisiana, dude. I’m almost immune to hurricanes."
"You ever chew ice? It can snap your tooth off, that’s not a problem I need in my life."
"Sometimes it takes losing everything you knew to realize what you always had."
"I like to imagine horse-race commentators talking about everyday tasks."
"I had a girlfriend who did performance art. She just argued a lot."
"I’m like a car wash in the middle of summer. You don’t need to go to me but it’s kinda nice when you do."
"I’ve been dating a lot. I won't say I am good at dating, but I am definitely halfway decent at pretending to have a normal conversation with a complete stranger."
"Empathy, man, that’s not learned, that’s felt."
"The future’s so bright, I got to wear welding goggles."
"I met a guy who had a glass eye. He saw me but I couldn’t see him. Plot twist."
"Some people get up, and they’re handsome and they get a haircut. I get up, and I look like a single mother."
"You really gotta watch what you're feeding your brain."
"Life’s like a movie. You can sit there and cry, or you can change it."
"Be grateful for what you have and stop asking for what you ain’t got."
"You ever talk to yourself? It might not be that you're crazy, you might just need some good conversation."
"You know what? The best apology is not to do the thing you are going to apologize for. That's the best apology."
"The less you care, the happier you’ll be."
"You can’t draw water from an empty well; take care of yourself first."
"The greatest gift you can give somebody is your time."
"Don’t forget to be the hero of your own story."
"You don’t have to say everything you think."
"The sooner you realize that there are no rules, the better."
"You shouldn’t trust everything you think."
"Stop thinking that time is running out. You’ve got all the time you need."
"The grass is always greener where you water it."
"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
"Love yourself because no one is going to do it for you."
"A smile is often the key thing. One is paid with a smile. One is rewarded with a smile."
"Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try."
"Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"It’s tough out there in life, you know? That’s why I grew this hair."
"My mom was a bartender and my dad was in prison, so my outlook on life is uniquely positive."
"I don't have kids, but I have friends who have kids, and that’s basically the same thing."
"People say I’m good with my words; I don’t think they believe it, but I appreciate that."
"I always have a great time when I leave my house, I’m like a therapy group on my own."
"Sometimes you just gotta go out there and do it, you know? Like, what’s the worst that can happen, right?"
"As long as you’re positive, you can take all the bad things in life and turn them into positives too."
"I could talk to a rock, honestly. Sometimes I do, and it’s very therapeutic."
"Don't let your insecurities stop you from doing what you love, even if it's talking to strangers."
"I don’t know if I believe in ghosts, but I do believe in trying to make friends with them."
"Some people say I’m a comedian, I say I’m a truth seeker who tells jokes."
"Life is like riding a unicycle in a windstorm, you just gotta hold on tight and hope for the best."
"I once tried to sell essential oils, but then I realized the most essential thing is just being yourself."
"I’ve slept in some weird places, but my favorite bed will always be the backseat of my Buick."
"Sometimes life gives you lemons, sometimes it gives you lemonade, and sometimes it just gives you a sweaty handshake."
"I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m definitely the most entertaining one."
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but have you ever tried a really good taco? It’s pretty close."
"If you ever feel lost in life, just remember that sometimes the best directions come from a faulty GPS."
"Life is like a game of chess, except there are no rules, the board is always changing, and sometimes the pieces are talking back to you."
"The key to success is just being yourself, even if yourself is a little strange sometimes."
"Life's a push, like anything else. It ain't always easy, but you push through it"
"You're never too drunk to learn"
"Keep it crispy"
"You can't make biscuits without breaking a few eggs"
"The only person I know that's been Les Miserables in a bug on the windshield"
"You gotta stay loyal to the soil"
"Life is like a basketball game, if you don't show up, you can't win"
"Being basic is a disease"
"Everyone's just trying to figure it out"
"Dreams don't have deadlines"
"Sometimes you gotta shake your own Cracker Jack box"
"Every axe has two handles"
"We're all just out here playing Frogger on the rainbow bridge"
"You can't keep a hummingbird in a cage, man"
"You're more likable if you ask questions"
"Everybody's just trying to make it out of middle management"
"Life is just a roller coaster that you vomit all over"
"Stop trying to make fetch happen"
"The world's just a big sandwich, and everybody's got a different kinda bread"
"You can't put lipstick on a goat and call it Monique"
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