57 result(s) for Groucho Marx Quotes.
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception."
"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into another room and read a book."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
"No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."
"I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury."
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"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women."
"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."
"Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does."
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
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"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book."
"While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery."
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other 999 follow women."
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does."
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"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."
"I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
"Room service? Send up a larger room."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
"Whatever it is, I'm against it."
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."
"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
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