25 result(s) for Funny Words Of Wisdom Quotes.
"The road to success is paved with good intentions...and a whole lot of coffee."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time."
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will try to put things into it."
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"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher."
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
"I’ve had a wonderful life, and only wish I’d realized it sooner."
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button."
"It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops modesty."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
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"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it."
"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."
"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."
"Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you."
