25 result(s) for Funny Permanent Record Quotes.
"The world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
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"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
"Reality continues to ruin my life."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
"A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists."
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"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there."
"I quit smoking. I feel great! Except now I have to figure out something to do with my hands."
"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most."
