96 result(s) for Funny Wedding Quotes.
"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers."
"Getting married is like trading the auto insurance in for a home insurance policy."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade!"
"I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn't like to bother me when I'm at work."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are."
"In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it lasts more than six months. In real life, if it lasts more than two years, it looks good."
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"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"Marriage is choosing someone again and again to love and to cherish, to support and to honor, every single day."
"There’s no such thing as an ugly bride, just a bride who forgot to shave her legs."
"Take my advice; I’m not using it."
"I’m not saying my wife is a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer."
"Marriage is an adventure like going to war."
"A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible for it really know what goes in it."
"A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman can do that as well."
"Your wedding day is the start of a new chapter in your life, but make sure you don't treat it like a spoiled child’s birthday party."
"If two people love each other, there can be no happy ending. They should be happy every day."
"A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other."
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."
"Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes."
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"There is no perfect marriage. It’s just two people who refuse to give up."
"Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops."
"To be happy in marriage is not a simple matter; it requires a lot of work and want to make it last through mutual understanding and compromise."
"I’ve been married to a couple of women, but I'm still trying to get it right."
"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."
"A marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do."
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
"You know what I love most about our marriage? The fact that you’re my biggest fan and I’m yours."
"Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gains her master’s."
"A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short."
"My wife told me the secret to a happy marriage is to never stop flirting. So I had her followed."
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."
"The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes."
"Marriage: a union of two good forgivers."
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"I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"A bride’s ultimate test of love is not during the ceremony, but after the wedding – when she gives away her last piece of chocolate."
"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar. That is still true today. Only now, it is the groom who is sacrificed."
"There’s no such thing as a perfect person. But, I’m lucky enough to have a perfect partner."
"I told my wife the truth. I said, 'I’m not in a good place right now.' She said, 'Well, that’s a start.'"
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. But some days, I feel like we’re living in two different zip codes!"
"You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
"A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes in it."
"The best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once."
"There’s a fine line between a long wedding ceremony and a hostage situation."
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."
"Marriage is not just about finding a partner. It's about enjoying the ride together."
"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."
"Marriage is the only war where one side sleeps with the enemy."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade."
"My husband and I are remodeling our house. I see it as redecorating, he sees it as destruction."
"Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice."
"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
"To be happy in marriage is a matter of being a good listener and a good liar."
"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ringing, then you wake up, then you die."
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife."
"The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret."
"A wedding is an event, marriage is a life."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?"
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
"Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one."
"You know you’re getting old when the voices in your head are telling you to clean the house."
"Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life."
"A married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing."
"The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once."
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."
"In every marriage, there are three rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
"Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet."
"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"A good marriage is like a campfire—hard to start, but warm and rewarding once you're there."
"Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy."
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife."
"Marriage brings hard times. You have to work out how to survive it."
"The four most important words in any marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'"
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late."
"My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce."
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you just wish you had a club and a spade!"
"In Hollywood, a marriage is like a trailer. You can withdraw at any moment."
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"Marriage is like a fine wine. If it's not aged, it gets sour."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
"The secret of a happy marriage is to keep your wife at home, not on the phone."
"A wedding is just like a funeral, except that you get to smell your own flowers."
"There are two keys to a happy marriage: a great wife and great wine."
"Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"To be happy in marriage, you must choose to be happy with the little things."
"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution."
"Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"They say marriage is a 50-50 partnership. Sadly, it’s more like 70-30; I'm just not sure which side I’m on!"
"In marriage, one person is right and the other is the husband."
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