129 result(s) for Funny Soccer Quotes.
"I don’t believe in luck. I believe in hard work. Luck is the residue of design."
"If you think it’s hard to be a referee, try being a soccer player!"
"I always said I’d be a stand-up comedian if I didn’t make it as a soccer player. I just have to find some decent legs!"
"Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I love scoring goals. Just like I love the taste of beer!"
"You can’t just rely on your talent. You have to think about the game. Like a physicist! Football is a science."
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"I’m not a particularly good soccer player, but I know how to play the game – and that’s all that matters!"
"The only thing worse than missing a penalty is missing two!"
"I never miss a chance to have a little fun on the pitch; somebody has to lighten the mood!"
"Some people think they can be soccer players. The truth is, they just kick and run!"
"A goal without a celebration is just a practice shot."
"The only thing worse than being a referee is being a retired referee!"
"Soccer is a dance that involves running, kicking, and a little bit of falling over!"
"They say a penalty saved is a player winning. But what about the player who took it? He lost!"
"A good ref will keep the game fair, while a great one will help you have a laugh!"
"The best part about soccer? There’s always a chance to take a dive and make it look good!"
"If you’re not laughing, you’re not playing right."
"Referees are just like the players: they too have to make a living somehow!"
"Every time I score, it’s a reminder that I can eat that extra slice of pizza!"
"Soccer is a sport of elegance, and I’m just trying to bring some humor to that elegance!"
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"Sometimes I wonder if the players or the ball are having more fun on the pitch."
"Why is soccer like a marriage? Because both can end in a divorce if you don’t communicate!"
"Football: the game that can make you laugh and cry in less than 90 minutes!"
"Why don’t soccer players make good secret agents? Because they always blow their cover!"
"I've learned that if you can laugh while playing soccer, you can face anything in life!"
"I couldn't manage my way out of a paper bag, but at least I kept my job as a football manager."
"The only thing that matters is your attitude. It doesn't matter how many games you win. It's what you do when you've lost."
"I'm not saying we won't make mistakes, but we won't make the mistakes that other teams would make if they were in the same position."
"You can't do it on your own. You need your team, your fans, your manager. You need everybody to bring it together."
"Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win."
"If I had a pound for every time I had a good idea, I’d have a pound."
"I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
"I don’t really think about the past that much, even when I’m in it."
"There's nothing like a bit of pressure to make you feel young again."
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"You can’t win anything with kids... unless they’re really good!"
"I can’t help but smile when I think about how often I get things wrong."
"There's no talent here, this is hard work. This is an obsession."
"I think that football is a game of laughing and crying, and sometimes both at the same time."
"I used a lot of glue to stick my team together, but it’s falling apart!"
"When you have a good team, you can have good fun. You can also have a bad time. All depends how you look at it."
"The more I practice, the luckier I get... unless it's a penalty shootout!"
"They say football is a game of two halves. Well, if it’s anything like my party, it’ll be a game of four halves!"
"Sometimes you need a little bit of luck. And a whole lot of skill!"
"You can’t put a price on dreams, but I sure tried every time I went to the transfer market!"
"I've coached some of the best, and some of the rest. But they all try hard!"
"Even when they’re losing, the fans have been great. I just wish they would stop booing at half time!"
"Success is no reason to stop being goofy. In fact, it’s more fun when you’re goofy!"
"If a coach wants to coach, he should have a sense of humor. The game’s far too serious not to!"
"When you're successful, make sure to keep humble—until someone challenges you!"
"I laugh every time someone gets mad at me for making a bad call. I’m only human, after all!"
"It’s all fun and games until you miss the penalty!"
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth. She was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"The only thing better than a football match is a football match where you score seven!"
"I don’t believe in luck; I believe in hard work. I believe in spending 90 minutes trying to close down the opponent. The rest I leave up to fate!"
"They say that you can’t win without a good defense. But if you have the ball 90% of the time, how much defense do you need?"
"I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
"I'm on the bench, but I still make a big impact. Just like a parked car on the highway."
"The ball is round, the game lasts ninety minutes, and everything else is just theory."
"I played soccer with a coach who only yelled at me when I was doing something right. I never knew when to play badly!"
"Football is a game of mistakes. Whoever makes the fewest mistakes wins."
"Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score!"
"If we’d played better, we’d have won"
"I can’t really remember the last time I was able to score a goal playing my age, but I think it was at home."
"Every time I go on the pitch, I feel like I am going to have 90 minutes of bad luck."
"I asked my coach for advice about missing penalties. He said, 'You'll get used to it – it’s a lot like your love life.'"
"I spend a lot of time at the field in the summer. I should really star in a movie titled 'Why I Shouldn't Wear Shorts.'"
"Soccer is a simple game; it's just very hard to play."
"I've never seen a bad actor in a football match!"
"I don’t know much about football. I just love the game!"
"If the goalkeeper is wearing a big bucket on his head, he deserves to get a card!"
"I’d rather play at home with bad weather than go to Africa with great weather."
"When it comes to soccer players, my advice to you is, don't trust any of them! They all have their foot in the door!"
"In soccer, you can't get away with just trying harder than the other team. Skill counts."
"The hardest part of playing soccer is the goal. I can't seem to find it from the sidelines!"
"My wife told me to get a job, so I went out and played football!"
"If I had a pound for every time I hit the woodwork, I'd be a millionaire!"
"I didn't choose the game, the game chose me."
"The only thing harder than a footballer is his ego."
"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. Then there are people who just want to keep yelling at the ref."
"Why do they call it football? Because kicking it is the only thing you'll get right!"
"I love playing for this club. I love playing for my country. I love kicking my teammates when they refuse to pass the ball."
"Football is a game about mistakes. Whoever makes the fewest mistakes wins. That’s why I always yell at my teammates!"
"I have a great relationship with my team. I yell, they run. It works!"
"If you can’t beat them, you might as well join them... and then trip them."
"A penalty is a cowardly way to score."
"In football, the worst blindness is only seeing the ball."
"I love to score goals. It’s not the only part of the game, but it’s definitely the best part!"
"The hardest part about being a coach is that you can't physically enter the game to show them how it's done!"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunger and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"If you don’t do it with passion, you won’t do it at all. Except for running from the goal post after a missed penalty!"
"There’s no 'I' in team, but there’s an 'M' and an 'E'!"
"I thought I was good at football until I met players who are both good and can kick the ball straight!"
"The best way to predict the future is to create it... or just keep passing the ball around."
"I’m not saying I’m the best footballer in the world, but I am saying that if we played in a vacuum, I might look good!"
"I don’t need a referee to tell me what to do, I just need everyone else to follow my lead!"
"I told my coach I wanted to play midfield, but he says he needs me to warm the bench. I call that a promotion!"
"The penalty shootout: where dreams come to die. And where goalkeepers become legends!"
"I started out with nothing, but now I have a get-out-of-jail-free card: it's called a referee's whistle!"
"In soccer, as in life, you can always blame the referee!"
"The only reason I’d ever have to practice my goal kicks is to impress the fans during warm-ups!"
"I thought about becoming a soccer player, but then I realized the most important teammate is the goalpost!"
"To be a good soccer player, you must have skill, speed, and a reliable supply of good intentions... just in case."
"I can't believe it. I'm going to say this only once. Just because I follow someone around the field doesn't mean I'm stalking them!"
"It’s not about the shoes, it’s about what you do in them."
"I think that the most important thing to have is balance. In football, if you have balance, you can do what you want."
"The only place where you will find success before work is in the dictionary."
"The only time you can go for a draw is when you’re playing in a World Cup final."
"I like to watch sports that are a little less predictable. Results can be so random; I like to throw dice!"
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I don’t know anything about soccer but it sounds exciting!"
"If you think they’re going to win the World Cup, I think you may be in for a rude awakening!"
"Goalkeepers are like underwear. They sometimes make a decision based on what’s in front of them, but they’re still at the back flank!"
"I think I'm just trying to make the game enjoyable. The problem is I don't know how to win!"
"If you’re going to be a successful soccer coach at all levels, you need to be able to motivate your players. The key is to know when to be serious and when to relax."
"I don’t really like to consider myself as a celebrity, just a regular soccer player who kicks a round thing for a living!"
"I think it’s important for athletes to have a good relationship with their coaches. It’s just not cool when they don’t."
"What I really need is for someone to tell me 'slow down'. But in soccer, there's no such thing as a slow game!"
"Winning doesn’t always mean being first. Winning means you’re doing better than you’ve ever done before!"
"My theory on football is that it’s a kind of marriage. You can’t get through it without a few fights!"
"There’s no pressure. It’s just a ball game. If people don’t enjoy the game, then why are they watching?"
"Everyone should follow their own style in soccer. The only way to win is to play like you’ve never been invited to the party!"
"If you look at the box scores, you would think that I was lucky. But in reality, I just played really badly!"
"Some people are born with the talent, some people acquire it, and then there are those like me – we just pay to watch others!"
"Why does the referee always see the five minutes that I'm late, but not the dangerous tackles that blitz my players?"
"Football is simple, but it is difficult to play simple!"
"After all these years in the business, the best piece of advice I can give is: Don’t take your work home!"
"I’m not a coach who likes to fool around with strategy. I like to keep things simple and let the players do the hard work!"
"Continuous improvement is the key to success in this game. If you stay stagnant, you’ll be left behind!"
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