25 result(s) for Funny Real Quotes.
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"I'm writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
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"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"The only time I feel alive is when I’m in the kitchen."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I have a fear of elevators, but I'm taking steps to avoid them."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I finally realized that to be true to myself, I must be true to my stomach."
"We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kat ads."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
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"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that."
"I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
