120 result(s) for Funny Quotes To Start The Day.
"I’m on the patch right now to a better version of myself. I hope it leads to a bakery."
"I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m doing it anyway!"
"Every morning is a fresh start. You can throw me a million problems, and I will be looking for a million solutions... but only after coffee."
"I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person."
"If you don't wake up freaked out every morning, you're doing it wrong."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I love waking up in the morning. I’m still in my bed, watching my future unfold."
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"Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I'll laugh at you."
"I want my morning coffee, not your opinions."
"I've tried yoga, but I keep rolling off my mat... should probably get off the couch first."
"I can't believe I woke up this early. Some people always assume I don’t morning well."
"Good morning! Remember, aliens are watching from their spaceships, so be good!"
"Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day. Unless it’s Monday. Then it’s just bad."
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. But I prefer coffee."
"Snooze Button, how I love thee! Let me count the ways: 5...10...20..."
"How do you organize a space party? You planet!"
"They say money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’"
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I don’t need an alarm clock; my ideas wake me."
"Every morning, I remind myself that my coffee can take me anywhere… if it’s strong enough."
"Rise and shine! Just kidding. I’m still in bed."
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"I can’t espresso how much you bean to me."
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I hate when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong."
"I couldn't find my cereal, so I ate my cat's food instead. Now I don't have a cat."
"I always wake up at a specific time—when my cat decides it's time to eat."
"I'm on the patch, but I'm craving a donut."
"Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies."
"I've decided I'm going to start living outside of my means."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Some days you just have to create your own sunshine."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up."
"I am an early bird and a night owl… so I’m wise and I have worms."
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"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"I've learned that if you love life, life will love you back."
"The hardest thing about being a parent is that you’ll never be a kid again."
"My therapist said that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her and now we wait."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"I wake up every morning at 9 – and get myself a cup of coffee. Then I go back to bed."
"I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me."
"I used to love mornings, but now I just love coffee."
"Morning has broken, and I’m still half asleep!"
"You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they have to take a group photo."
"I am a better person when I have coffee."
"Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday is so close to Monday?"
"Morning: The time when I prepare to make mistakes in new and spectacular ways."
"If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Monday."
"I love the smell of the coffee in the morning. Too bad it’s never around when I wake up!"
"Another day, another dollar… that I may never see if I keep hitting the snooze button!"
"Good morning! May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short."
"I'm not a morning person. I’m a coffee person."
"Rise and shine, or as I like to say, rise and whine."
"Good morning! Remember, you can’t spell ‘morning’ without ‘ing’ – as in, ‘I’m going back to bed!’"
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"Every morning, I remind myself that I am a beautiful, wonderful person – before I ask myself why I got up so early."
"Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
"One day, you'll wake up and realize that you are not only the star of your own life, but the cause of the drama."
"I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it – especially in the morning."
"Coffee is a language in itself."
"Sometimes I wake up and think, 'I should go to the gym.' But then I think, 'I should just stay in bed and eat chocolate instead.'"
"Don't wake me; I’m not a morning person."
"It’s a beautiful day to go after your dreams… as soon as I finish my coffee."
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t."
"You know you’re a grown-up when you get excited about a new coffee maker."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"The only thing standing between me and my goal is the coffee I need to drink before I can achieve it."
"I woke up this morning realizing I was in a sitcom. My life is a complete joke."
"Every morning I get up and tell myself I’m going to be a better person. Then I take a sip of coffee and start over."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I don't need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me."
"This morning I ordered a wake-up call. They said you must be dreaming."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"If mornings aren't your thing, that's okay. They can be anyone's thing—just for a limited time."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it."
"The best part of waking up is coffee in my cup."
"I finally got around to reading 'How to De-Clutter Your Life.' I got distracted halfway through and now I have two houses full of stuff."
"Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart. Also, caffeine."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg?' Because every play has a cast!"
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
"What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!"
"I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
"I always start my day with a smile and a cup of coffee. Then I order my day to be a good one."
"I have a great body. It's in the trunk and I'm keeping it there."
"Good morning! I see the assassins have failed."
"If we are what we eat, then I am awfully fast, cheap, and easy."
"I told my mom I was going to move to California and become a comedian. She said, 'You should try being funny first.'"
"Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day."
"I can’t believe I got out of bed this morning. I’m so not a morning person!"
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The only reason I wake up in the morning is to make my wife coffee."
"I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. I’m not a morning person, but I’m okay with waking up to a weekend."
"I'm not a morning person. It's like I blew my chance to sleep when I woke up."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"A morning without coffee is like sleep."
"I woke up this morning wondering how many times I could hit snooze without feeling bad about it. The answer is not enough!"
"I wanted to be a morning person, but I really just like to sleep."
"Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth; every fresh morning a little youth; every going to rest and sleep a little death."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I can’t wait to get up and see what embarrassing things I’ve done in my dreams."
"It's a good day to have a good day."
"I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people."
"You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps."
"Sometimes I wake up early and think what a good person I’m going to be today. Then I go back to sleep."
"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
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