114 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Diet.
"I can't diet anymore. I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I started a new diet. I only eat food that starts with the letter 'F' – fruit, fish, and fudge!"
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
"You can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake."
"I’m on a strict diet of chocolate. It keeps me happy."
"I don’t count calories, I just count on my fingers how many pizzas I can eat."
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
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"The only thing I throw back on the weekends is a cocktail."
"I feel like a million bucks... minus the 1,000 calories."
"Every time I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"You can't make everybody happy. You aren't pizza."
"I don’t eat salad, they put food on it!"
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it."
"Eating chocolate cake is like curling up in a warm blanket on a cold day."
"Food is the most primitive form of comfort."
"I'm on a low-carb diet. The only thing I lose is my mind."
"I love to eat. If I’m not eating, I’m thinking about eating."
"My diet is like my cell phone plan - unlimited."
"When I was a kid, I used to think I was going to have a lot of fun and leave a legacy. Now I just want to enjoy my pizza."
"If you want to be healthy, you have to eat more fruit. So I’m just going to ditch the fruit and eat more juice!"
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"The only thing I get from exercising is an ice cream headache."
"I decided to take up jogging. I found out I was allergic to it. My thighs burnt and my ankles twisted."
"I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my phone."
"I have a great diet. I just have to figure out a way to eat it."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I only eat candy on days that end in 'y.'"
"You can’t eat beauty; it doesn’t feed you."
"There’s no diet wine. You’ll just drink it and feel guilty."
"Eating chocolate can change your mood; I keep some in my car for emergencies!"
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"I can't stop eating donuts. It's a serious addiction. I need to cut back."
"Food is my favorite F word."
"Why is there no such thing as a 'fat-free' bacon?"
"I'm on a low-carb diet. I just can't seem to suck it to my stomach."
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"I have a hard time where there's anything chocolate in front of me. You can't 'diet' with chocolate around!"
"When you realize that you’re going to die anyway, you can’t help but think about how you’re going to die."
"I'm sorry for you people who don't drink. When you wake up in the morning, that's as good as you're going to feel all day."
"I don't count calories. I stop eating when I'm full. I would rather eat cake than pay attention to the calories."
"I'm allergic to food, and I can't eat it."
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art."
"I asked my doctor if I could exercise and he said, 'Sure, if it doesn’t hurt.'"
"I plan on living forever. So far, so good."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I don’t eat junk food. I am fun size."
"The only thing I like better than chocolate is more chocolate."
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
"I’m just a girl standing in front of a salad asking it to be a donut."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"Cheat day? I thought you said ‘cheat week.’"
"I wonder if pizza thinks about me, too."
"I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time."
"The first rule of pancake club is you put syrup on everything!"
"One of the many things I enjoy in life is eating."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You are not a taco."
"If you’re going to eat junk food, what’s the point of being basically fit?"
"Eat cake for breakfast. You are not a cow."
"There’s no such thing as a bad donut. Only a good donut and a better donut."
"The only ‘bad’ workout is the one that didn’t happen. But the ice cream is worth it!"
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it."
"I don’t always eat breakfast, but when I do, it’s doughnuts."
"There may be a lot of fish in the sea, but, please, give me a cheeseburger."
"I wish my wallet was as thin as my body."
"Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose!"
"You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape!"
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a dietician. Then I added, ‘But I’m still eating donuts!'"
"If you're going to eat junk food, eat it in moderation. In fact, eat it with two hands."
"I'm on a chocolate diet. I only eat chocolate. When I'm having a bad day, I eat chocolate. When I'm having a good day, I eat chocolate. It's a lifestyle!"
"I could give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"I love to eat. I want to eat all the time. Guess that means I'm always on a diet!"
"Laughter is the best calorie burner."
"I don't count calories. I just watch what I eat and eat what I want."
"I've decided that I want to be the person who eats the most chips, not the person who's on a diet."
"The hardest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat."
"My diet plan? Make all of my friends cupcakes. Then, when they eat them, sneak a bite when they aren't looking."
"I'm trying to lose weight, but it's the last 10 pounds that are proving to be stubborn. They're like that last friend to leave the party."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere!"
"After I eat, I always take a walk. I don’t really know why, but I lose weight every time I take a walk to the fridge."
"To me, the thought of a diet is just overwhelming."
"I will not be a calorie counter. I will not be a calorie counter. I will not be a calorie counter."
"A diet is the penalty we pay for overeating."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating."
"I’ll never understand the people who say, 'Oh, I can't eat that.' What? Are the cupcakes glutenous? The calories completely out of control? We have to make a stand, folks."
"I have a really big problem with diets. I can't ever seem to stick to one long enough to lose weight."
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"If you can't eat it, it won’t hurt you. That's my diet motto."
"I bought a box of animal crackers today. And I’ve decided to stop using them as a diet plan."
"I'm trying to lose weight but it's not working. Every time I start a diet, I hold a funeral for the foods I'm leaving behind."
"I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."
"I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days."
"I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my car keys."
"The only time to be positive you've got a clear path is when you’re on the edge of a cliff."
"If I knew I was going to die, I would drink a lot of wine."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing. It's my diet."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. And then snack like you're a millionaire."
"Never eat anything that you can't pronounce."
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised at the grocery store."
"I'm on a low-carb diet. I just can't afford to eat carbs and high-fashion!"
"Why is there no such thing as a 'diet soda' that helps you lose weight instead of just making you thirsty for the real thing?"
"Remember: when it comes to applying for a new job, the perfect attire is eating chips in your pajamas."
"I’ve been on so many diets that I need a quota for my next meal."
"I'm chocolate addicted, but I think it's a healthy addiction. It's like my therapist, you know?"
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza."
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