131 result(s) for Funny Hillbilly Quotes.
"A hillbilly is just a high-tech redneck."
"You know you're a redneck when you see a sign that says 'Santa stops here' and you wonder if it's a diner."
"I was raised in a very poor family, but my mama always said we were just living on a budget."
"Hillbillies are just people who don't live near an IKEA."
"You might be a redneck if you've ever had to leave the room to go to the bathroom in the middle of a family reunion."
"I ain't saying you’re stupid, but you can’t be confused with a get-well card."
"A redneck's last words are usually, 'Hey, watch this!'"
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"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
"You might be a redneck if you're convinced that the last three words of the national anthem are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'"
"I gotta tell you, the more I learn about women, the more I love my truck."
"In the South, we call it a casserole; in the North, it’s just a salad with three kinds of meat."
"You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy."
"It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, but I sure do love watching him try!"
"I don’t believe in karma, but I do believe in rednecks getting what they deserve."
"You might be a redneck if you've ever done your Christmas shopping at a gas station."
"In our family, we don’t get drunk — we get inventive."
"If it weren't for a bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!"
"We're not saying you're lazy; we’re just saying you'd rather Netflix than work a 9 to 5."
"They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a hillbilly by his truck."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me... I’ll laugh at you."
"You might be a redneck if you think a quart of oil is a beverage."
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"My family tree is a straight line down with no branches."
"I'm just a hillbilly with a broken heart, and now I'm looking for love in all the wrong places."
"If your truck is bigger than your house, you're probably a redneck."
"Forget the milk; can we get some bacon?!"
"I ain't no hillbilly, I'm a mountain man!"
"Ain't nothin' more fun than shootin' at somethin' that ain't shootin' back."
"We don't need a waiter; we already have a mother."
"If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk!"
"You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl."
"If you think I'm crazy, you should see my sister."
"You know you're a hillbilly if you get a new pair of shoes and your feet hurt for a week."
"We didn't climb to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables."
"My family is all about tall tales, but we ain't got a tall tale to stand on."
"The only thing that runs faster than my mouth is the coon dog."
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"I put my money where my mouth is, especially if there’s a warm biscuit on the table."
"If you think you can outfish me, you're probably right. Better luck next time!"
"You know you’re a hillbilly when you can’t tell the difference between a mud hole and a swimming pool."
"I married my wife for her good looks, but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately!"
"Why do we call it 'rush hour' when nothing moves?"
"My buddy is so poor he can't even pay attention!"
"It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"I've seen better days, but I've also seen worse."
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."
"We’re so poor, I can’t even afford to pay attention."
"A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting beside you saying, 'Dude, that was awesome!'"
"I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are missing!"
"The Internet is the only place that sells you everything you didn’t know you needed."
"You can't fix stupid, but you can marry it!"
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"If you don't really like me, just remember that you have a mom, and she loves me!"
"Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they're dealing with."
"You might be a redneck if your idea of a night out is sitting on the front porch with a six-pack and watching the moon rise."
"If you ever start feeling like you're the most important person in the room, just remember that it took you half an hour to get everywhere you went."
"I don't know much about his life, but he looked like he was having a great time doing it. He looked like a guy who wanted to be a hillbilly."
"As a hillbilly, I have learned that no matter how far you go, you’ll always come back home, either because you miss it or because you ran out of gas."
"If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off."
"You know you’re a hillbilly when there’s a sheet of plastic between you and your neighbor’s pothole."
"You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a new paint job, and you are still able to see the license plate."
"You might be a redneck if your family tree doesn’t have any branches."
"A true hillbilly can go fishing in a creek with nothing but a bucket and some string."
"What’s the difference between a hillbilly and an optimist? The hillbilly is always sleeping out in the open."
"You might be a redneck if your best clothes are your pajamas."
"To a hillbilly, 'home' is wherever the couch is."
"If you always have a chicken in your truck and a dog on your dashboard, you might be a redneck."
"You might be a hillbilly if you consider a six-pack a well-balanced meal."
"Sometimes I think I'm a redneck, but then I remember I don’t own any overalls."
"A hillbilly’s guide to life: If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing."
"You might be a redneck if you have a job with your name on it and it’s in the livestock area."
"You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy."
"If there's any music playing, you can usually spot a hillbilly in the crowd - they're the ones dancing with their beer cans."
"You might be a hillbilly if your relatives started a 'Booze Barn' instead of a family reunion."
"A redneck may not be the most cultured person, but you'd better believe they've tasted life."
"You might be a redneck if your entire wardrobe comes from a consignment store."
"If you think that a 12-pack of beer is a great gift for a wedding, you might be a redneck."
"A hillbilly’s greatest pleasure is to have fun with what you’ve got - or what you can borrow!"
"You might be a redneck if your favorite stapler is a rifle."
"Hillbillies sure know how to have a good time, especially if there’s barbecue involved."
"I ain't saying the woman is a bad driver, but she took her driving test on a unicycle."
"I live in a rural area. The closest thing I have to a city is a pothole."
"You might be a redneck if your favorite brand of beer is also a slogan."
"If you’re going to wrestle a bear, you’d better make sure it’s had a good meal before you start."
"Out here, we don’t need 911; we call the neighbors."
"You might be a redneck if your birth certificate includes your hunting license number."
"I’m not saying we’re poor, but I can’t even afford to pay attention."
"You know you’re a hillbilly when you think ‘TV dinner’ is anything you can throw on the grill."
"If it ain't nailed down, it's mine. If I can pry it up, it's also mine."
"You might be a redneck if you own more than three shirts that have your last name on them."
"I have a dentist appointment next week in the city. I’ll probably have to swap my truck for a car just to fit in."
"You might be a hillbilly if honey, sweet tea, and fried chicken are the main food groups."
"Some people follow their dreams, but you’re a redneck if you hunt them down and beat them senseless."
"You might be a redneck if you think that the last words of the National Anthem are 'Gentlemen, start your engines!'"
"I’m not saying it’s bad out here, but the most exciting entertainment we have is watching the corn grow."
"You know you’re a hillbilly when the most named person in your family is your dog."
"You might be a redneck if your phone book has a section for various local tractor parts."
"You may be a hillbilly if you can’t tell the difference between a turd and a 10-point buck."
"Just because you're a hillbilly doesn’t mean you can't be civilized — it just means your ‘civilized’ might include a fishing pole instead of a dinner fork."
"You might be a redneck if your family reunion takes place in a drive-in movie theater."
"You know it’s been a long day when the highlight was a visit to the Feed Store."
"You might be a redneck if you consider a 4-wheeler to be a luxury vehicle."
"You know you’re a hillbilly when your idea of a night out includes a bonfire and a six-pack of beer."
"You might be a redneck if your biggest fear is the IRS finding out about your moonshine operation."
"If you can’t fix it with duct tape, you haven’t used enough duct tape."
"If your dog doesn’t like your girlfriend, you should be worried."
"I'm so poor, I can’t even pay attention."
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
"I was going to lose weight, but I decided to stay the same and just celebrate it."
"They say marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband."
"You might be a redneck if you have a family reunion and you don’t have to leave town."
"You might be a redneck if you’ve ever pulled a trailer with a car that’s still running."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night, I lost my car keys and we spent half an hour looking for them together!"
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I live in my own little world, but it’s okay. They know me there."
"The only thing worse than a sore loser is a sore winner."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
"The only time my wife is wrong is when she thinks she’s right."
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!"
"I can still remember my grandfather’s last words before he kicked the bucket: 'How far do you think I can kick this bucket?'"
"I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"I need a six-month vacation, twice a year."
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any."
"You know you’re a redneck when you have a family tree that doesn’t branch."
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