121 result(s) for Funny Ghetto Quotes.
"I'm not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together."
"I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work."
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
"I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"They said I could be anything, so I became a problem."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist."
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"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"If you tripped and fell on your face, at least you were moving in some direction."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I’m off to the tattoo shop."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can't laugh at yourself, call me… I'll laugh at you."
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"
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"My bank account is so low, I can’t even pay attention."
"I'm so broke, I can't even afford to pay attention."
"Money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"
"I would lose weight, but I want to be just like you. I want to eat cake and get away with it."
"I told my therapist about my addiction to social media. Now we don't talk anymore."
"I can't go to work today. The voices said, 'Stay home and eat pizza.'"
"I've reached the age where my back goes out more than I do."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I put the 'pro' in procrastinate."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I didn't fall. I'm just spending some quality time with the floor."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!"
"I'm on the patch right now, but I swear after this pizza, it’s back to the gym."
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"I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure, it took me all day, and I did it in my sleep, but it’s clean!"
"The only thing I gain from working out is knowing I can afford to eat another slice of pizza."
"I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I can't believe I have to pay for this. This is like being charged to watch the grass grow."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"A perfect example of minority rule is a man who is '97% sure' that everyone else agrees with him."
"It's not that we spend five days looking forward to just two. It's that most people don't have a passion worth working for."
"Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge."
"Why do we say 'the alarm went off' when it actually turned on?"
"If I was meant to be controlled, I wouldn’t have a remote."
"Just because you can fix something doesn't mean you should."
"I ain't broke, I'm just pre-rich."
"You can take the hood outta the girl, but you can't take the girl outta the hood."
"I can't afford to be in a bad mood, it's too expensive."
"I live in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me here."
"I'm not a player, I just crush a lot."
"My bank account is looking like a dial-up connection - it's slow and often times takes me back."
"Life is hard, but it's harder if you're stupid."
"If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"Go big or go home. Because it's really hard to go home, too many people try to stop you."
"I can't adult today. Please don't make me adult."
"You can't fix stupid, but you can give it a coat of paint."
"I'm not short, I'm fun-sized."
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"The only thing I throwback on Thursdays is my bank balance."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"I can't keep calm, I'm from the ghetto!"
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days you feel good."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me. I'll laugh at you."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"You know you're from the ghetto when your new car's still in the driveway, and you gotta go to a furniture store to sit down."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two boys, and a bartender."
"I don't often get lost, but when I do, I usually find myself standing in front of the fridge."
"Sometimes I feel like I'm in a ghetto induced coma and the only thing that can wake me up is a 40 ounce or a slice of pizza."
"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."
"I don't need Google. My friends are like Google for ghetto wisdom."
"The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude."
"Never underestimate the power of a good ghetto story."
"They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of snacks, and that's pretty close."
"In the ghetto, we don't have problems; we just call them 'adventures.'"
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a jet ski. And have you ever seen someone frown on a jet ski?"
"You can’t make everyone happy; you aren’t a taco."
"I may not have much, but at least I have a great sense of humor…and a lifetime supply of ramen noodles."
"If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t have a dollar, I’d be rich!"
"I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention."
"Nobody wants to be broke, but somebody’s gotta pay the bills."
"When life gives you lemons, just add vodka."
"If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?"
"They say you are what you eat, but I don’t remember eating a legend or being ghetto fabulous."
"I can’t keep calm; I’m from the ghetto!"
"A good friend can make you laugh even when you want to cry."
"You may be in the ghetto, but you can always have a good time if you find the right people to hang out with."
"If you’re going to be late, at least bring some snacks."
"I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"The only thing better than a good friend is a good friend with nachos."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"I finally figured out my six pack. Now I just have to work on my one pack."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"My bank account is like my genetics. It’s a little bit thin but keeps me hopeful."
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"Before criticizing others, first, take a look at your own reflection"
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I've lost 15 days."
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that it’s only Wednesday."
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