118 result(s) for Funny Blue Collar Quotes.
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"I can’t be fired. I’m not a salaried employee; I’m a guy with a shovel."
"The only thing I know about luck is that it is a gimmick; fortune does not favor fools."
"My job is secure. No one wants it."
"I used to be a construction worker, but I was too good at it. They kept giving me promotions, and I got a desk job!"
"Do you know what happens when you put the name of a dead guy on a box? It gets thrown away!"
"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't."
"I have a good job. I’m really not trying to create any problems—just trying to manage my own."
"Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it."
"I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We laughed. I love my job!"
"I always try to help my coworkers. Like the other day, I helped one by handing her a cup of coffee, while she helped me by pretending to care."
"I don’t need a therapist; I have a construction job, and that’s cheaper!"
"I was going to become a barber, but I just couldn’t find the cut in it."
"I work as a photographer; I take pictures of workmen at the end of the day. I call them the last hour blues."
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"The only reason I open my mouth is to change feet."
"I make mistakes, but I’m not on the job, so it doesn’t count."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"They say money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’"
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"If you think that money can’t buy happiness, you must be shopping at the wrong places."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"I pull my weight. I mean, a guy's got to eat, right?"
"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
"I'm not saying I’m Superman, but no one has ever seen me and Superman in a room together."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"I told my boss that I needed a raise. He said, 'You can put your resume where your mouth is!'"
"They say money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I can give you a definite guarantee that half of what I say is wrong. The trouble is, I don’t know which half."
"You know you’re a redneck when your home has wheels and your car doesn’t."
"I didn’t have a microchip, I had a microchip on my shoulder."
"Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now."
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"The best part about being in the blue-collar world? You get to take the shirt off your back when your boss isn’t looking."
"Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
"I work for money. Just not very hard."
"Never let your boss know how much you actually do."
"I’ve learned that the best way to keep your job is to be a bad employee."
"My boss is like a software update. Whenever I see him, I think 'Not now.'"
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"The only reason I show up to work is to pay for my hobbies."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done."
"I started out with nothing and I still have most of it."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay. He asked which companies? I said, 'The gas, electric, and water company.'"
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"
"The best part of my job is that I don't have a boss. The worst part is that I’m my own boss."
"I'm on the patch of life where I get paid to do nothing."
"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I can't wait to retire so I can be a happier human."
"I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!"
"I didn't wake up today to be mediocre."
"I think my job is like a bad marriage. It pays bills, sometimes I hate it, but it won't let me go."
"If hard work is the key to success, why do so many people work hard and still fail?"
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can pay the bills."
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"There's no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"At work, if you’re not late, you need to get there early."
"If you're going to be late, be late in style."
"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."
"There's no problem so big that a few small problems can't make worse."
"I'm not saying I'm a bad driver, but I've had to take my license to the mechanic twice."
"I'm just a guy who, you know, has to go to work every day; just trying to make a living, and I don't know where the money goes."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"The best part about going to work is coming home."
"Work smarter, not harder."
"I'd agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?"
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"The only time to be positive you won't come back is when you're on your way out."
"I always give 100%, except when I'm donating blood."
"I’m not really a 'work hard' kind of person. I’m more like a 'since I’m here, I might as well do something' type."
"I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay. We laughed a little."
"When you work hard, you make money; when you’re funny, you make friends."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"I’m on the patch to huge success because I’m always willing to do what others won’t."
"I'm just a regular Joe, but I have a regular schedule. And I think that's pretty cool."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"I had a job. I had a job I loved. I was good at it. Then I got fired! I mean, who gets fired from their own job? I do!"
"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been fired. I mean, it’s like playing musical chairs, and I’m the one who forgot to bring a chair."
"If we had a day of sunshine for every day that it's rained, we wouldn't have to work at all!"
"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
"Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you."
"I don't mind working hard. I just need a good reason and a good excuse."
"I’m more of a show-and-tell kind of guy, but when it comes to work, I just tell."
"You can’t fix stupid. It’s just a blue-collar fact."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"Sometimes I think the best part of my job is that it’s only part-time."
"You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets."
"You know you're a redneck if you think the Stock Market has a fence around it."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"Nothing is funnier than the truth, except that third paycheck before the holidays."
"I tried being normal once... Worst five minutes of my life!"
"I have a job, and I'm working hard. And I'll be honest: I'm sweating like a sinner in church!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"Getting up at 4 a.m. is not easy, but even worse is going to bed at 9 p.m. without your favorite shows!"
"It’s all fun and games until someone loses a job."
"I always thought I was indecisive but now I'm not too sure."
"Why is there always a harvest moon? Because the farmers are too busy to notice the nighttime."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"The difference between a job and a career is the difference between twenty and forty hours a week."
Can't find the quotes you're looking for?