133 result(s) for American Dad Quotes.
"I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"I’m going to wing it. Just hope I don’t get shot down."
"I’m not a bad guy. I’m just a guy with bad luck!"
"You know what’s wrong with America? People don’t know how to just enjoy things."
"In America, we don't need 'cause and effect'—we just need 'cause.'"
"It's a miracle! I mean, let’s not get too carried away. I’m not gonna declare it a national holiday."
"I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let’s be more like a family and less like a cartoon!"
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"I’m not just a pretty face. I’m also a pretty body."
"You can’t just take the well-deserved time off for yourself, Hayley."
"Sometimes you have to let out your inner robot. Bleep bloop!"
"Why are you always trying to put a positive spin on everything?"
"I guess you could say that I’m a master of deception."
"I’m not so naive that I think I can change the world. Besides, I’m too busy changing my hair."
"We’re Americans. We assume everyone loves us for our pop culture."
"I’m not just your daughter; I’m also your friend. And sometimes I’m your therapist."
"You haven’t lived until you’ve tried doing something highly illegal!"
"Loving and supportive? That’s not how we do things here."
"I’m going to need a little more than a hug, but that sounds like a start."
"The secret to succeeding in life—and in love—is not to care."
"Life is not a destination; it’s a combination of awkward moments."
"You can’t always get what you want, but you might end up with something even better."
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"I’ve lived a hundred years and I’m still not sure what I’m doing!"
"It’s important to dream, but it’s even more important to wake up and smell the coffee."
"Why do I have to explain everything to you? Just live and let live!"
"In a relationship, you have to give and take. I take everything!"
"You’re never too old to learn something new—like how to ignore your family!"
"We’re in America, we’re allowed to be selfish!"
"I can't think of anything more American than a couple of guys blowing each other on the beach."
"Every time I try to be normal, I lose my mind!"
"It's a great day to be a dad!"
"I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell."
"You know what they say, 'One man’s trash is another man’s eye patch.'"
"Francine, you could be smarter. You could be a genius. You could have a PhD. But you chose to be a housewife."
"Sure, I’m a little crazy. But most people who are creative are!"
"You ever notice how there’s never been an alien that was funnier than me?"
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"If you punch a guy in the stomach, you’ve made him stronger."
"I'm sexy and I know it!"
"I’m the one making the rules here! You’re just the stupid kid!"
"Do you ever just want to take a nap? I mean right now, in my cocoon of luxury!"
"You’re a genius! But you’re a genius with a lot of weird quirks!"
"I don’t care if you’re here to see me or not; I’m still gonna make you laugh!"
"Today’s the day I take control of my life!"
"Being a dad is all about giving them the best life you can."
"I’m not your friend, I’m your dad!"
"Wish we could unsee that!"
"You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take."
"Dad, you can’t just establish a new world order by making me your personal assistant!"
"If you can’t beat them, assemble an army!"
"Somebody has to be the bad guy! Might as well be me!"
"If I can survive in a world without tacos, I can survive anything!"
"You know what makes me happy? Finding things that make me happy."
"You only live once! You have to make the most of it."
"Dream big! Make your dreams come true!"
"This is America! Land of opportunity and liberty!"
"I’m not a bad dad. I’m just not a perfect dad. But I’m a dad who's trying his best."
"You know what I love about being an American? Being able to back up my opinions with gunfire!"
"I can’t believe you’re a college dropout! You're so smart! Now you’ll never get your diploma."
"I’m always trying to save your life in case of a fire. I’m prepared for that kind of situation."
"You can’t just go around hating people; you've got to at least give them a chance to be as bad as you default imagine!"
"You’re a half-baked piece of mud pie!"
"Never forget, there’s nothing wrong with a little brainwashing now and then."
"I'm going to get some air... and by 'some air' I mean 'some alcohol'."
"Once you understand that there's a difference between the way things are and the way I want them to be, we can begin to understand each other."
"You can't start a fire without a spark!"
"Sometimes you have to break the rules to set things right!"
"This is America! We have the right to find a reason to do anything we want!"
"I have a character that thrives on chaos, but still knows the value of family."
"If you can’t be a real American, then you might as well just start moving to Canada!"
"I love America! That’s why I devote my entire life to undermining it!"
"If you don't embrace your inner freak, how will you ever truly be free?"
"Some bit of nonsense happens, I call it a crisis, and my dad cleans it up for me."
"What I do best is laugh. Life is one big joke, but I think I’m the punchline."
"Every day is a chance to make it right. As long as you don’t get caught!"
"I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m a conspiracy realisist!"
"I can’t do this. I’m not a strong person like you! I’m a fragile flower!"
"If I get knocked down today, I'll get back up tomorrow. That’s how it works!"
"Why do you want to be normal? Normal is just another word for boring!"
"I’m a socially acceptable misfit!"
"The struggle is real, but so is my love for this family."
"Let’s make some poor decisions together!"
"The best way to get a good idea is to have a lot of ideas."
"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever."
"I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."
"To be a successful father... there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years."
"Our fathers should never have to bury their children."
"I don't know what to say. It all just seems so pointless, like a family reunion!"
"If you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself."
"Being a dad is the greatest job I have ever had."
"I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone."
"Big dads are great, but little dads are just so much easier to love."
"The reason children can make good detectives is that they search for the clues in a story."
"Family is not an important thing. It’s everything."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"I’m a wing-it kind of dad."
"Dad: A son's first hero, a daughter's first love."
"You know, the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question: 'Did he have passion?'"
"Behind every great kid is a mom or dad who’s pretty sure they’re screwing it up."
"I told my kids I’d be around till they were 18. Now they’re 19, and I have nobody to blame but myself."
"There is no such thing as an adult. Just a kid with a credit card."
"I think the best way to take care of your kids is to take care of yourself."
"Your greatest contribution to the universe may not be something you do, but someone you raise."
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
"Only a dad can take his sons fishing without the bait."
"If you want your kids to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money."
"A father’s love is like a compass, guiding the way."
"Behind every good kid is a great dad."
"I just want to be a dad, and I want to be able to do it my way."
"It's not easy being a dad, but it is rewarding."
"In America, you can be anything you want. Except for being in shows like this one."
"This isn't a movie. This is real life. You have to be careful with what you want."
"Sometimes you have to be a little selfish. Do what makes you happy."
"I am not your enemy. I am just a guy trying to live my life in a world of weirdness."
"Love is a battlefield, but that’s what makes it fun!"
"It’s all about having the right attitude and surviving this crazy world."
"You gotta enjoy the little things in life. Like this sandwich."
"Every great marriage begins with a great story."
"Sometimes you need to find out who you really are when the smoke clears."
"You don’t need a reason to throw a party. Just do it!"
"I don't understand why you would put your child in danger when you could just use the microwave."
"Life is all about choices. Make the good ones."
"Food is what brings us together, especially when it’s not burned."
"We'll always find a way to make ourselves laugh, no matter what."
"You have to make time for family, even if they annoy you."
"Be proud of who you are, even if everyone else thinks you're a freak."
"There’s always a little room for creativity and craziness in our lives."
"We can only choose our paths, but we can’t control what happens next."
"Sometimes, you just need to go with the flow."
"We all have our own weirdness. Embrace it!"
"Life is like a box of chocolates, full of surprise fillings."
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Unless it was really bad; then it just kills you."
"Remember to laugh. It makes the tough times a bit easier."
"You’d be amazed at how effective a little charm can be."
"Nothing can replace family, no matter how crazy they are."
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