105 result(s) for Funny Instagram Quotes.
"Today is a good day to annoy someone. Just kidding, it's a great day!"
"If you were wondering, yes, I do frequently smile and wave at myself in the mirror."
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a taco."
"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?"
"I've got a good heart but this mouth..."
"Sassy, classy with a touch of bad-assy."
"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."
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"I don’t know what’s tighter, my jeans or my schedule."
"Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with."
"Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things."
"If there’s a will, there’s a way. If there’s a donut, there's a way."
"A balanced diet is having a cupcake in each hand."
"I'm just a girl in front of a salad asking it to be a donut."
"Be a voice, not an echo."
"Take my advice: I don’t use it anyway."
"The only thing I throwback on Thursdays is my lunch."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should see me with my friends."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"Procrastination is my superpower."
"I can’t sing, but I can eat."
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"Sassy, classy, and a bit bad-assy."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"I need a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus."
"Sometimes you just have to create your own sunshine."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a taco."
"I’m on the patch for my problem that I’m using for my problem."
"I’ve got 99 problems, but a pizza ain’t one."
"May your coffee be strong and your Mondays be short."
"A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, then how can you laugh at anyone else?"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kat ads."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
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"Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix."
"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"The funniest people are the saddest ones."
"My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"The main reason I don’t have a job is that I don’t like being told what to do."
"I am on a coffee diet. I only drink coffee. Sometimes I will even add a donut."
"I told the dietitian I was starving, and she told me to eat less."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"If there’s a will, there’s a relative."
"I finally found out what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side, there’s nothing right, and on the right side, there’s nothing left."
"I think my computer is allergic to coffee. It keeps giving me the blue screen of death."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being me."
"I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"Sometimes you have to put on a fake smile just to get through the day."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Sipping coffee and pretending to be productive."
"If we were meant to stay in one place, we would have roots instead of feet."
"Reality called, so I hung up."
"I can't adult today. Please don't make me."
"My password is 'incorrect'. So whenever I forget it, the computer will say 'Your password is incorrect'."
"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"If you think I'm crazy, you should see my sister."
"I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I’m on my way to steal your dog."
"Today’s mood: 100% caffeine."
"Decaf? No thanks. I’d rather have a heart attack."
"I don’t need an excuse to be lazy."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You aren’t pizza."
"Putting the ‘Pro’ in procrastination."
"Dieting: The art of letting your stomach down slowly."
"I'm just tryna be a rainbow in someone's cloud."
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
"Laughing at my own jokes is my cardio."
"The early bird can have the worm. I’ll take coffee."
"Not today, Satan. Not today."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"If your dog thinks you're a good person, you can be sure of one thing: You are."
"Keep your heels, head, and standards high."
"You can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake."
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year."
"My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"It’s a good day to have a good day, unless you don’t."
"We all have that one friend who makes every photo ten times better just by being in it."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a pizza."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!"
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram quote."
"Sundays are for brunch, binge-watching, and pretending to be productive."
"The only thing more exhausting than being a parent is being a parent to someone else's kids."
"I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"Telling people you’re busy is a lot easier than explaining why you’re not."
"If we’re not meant to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I don’t sweat—I sparkle."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"Life happens, coffee helps."
"I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me."
"Can we all just agree that daylight saving time is a conspiracy to make us tired?"
"I'm on the diet where I eat everything and hope for a miracle!"
"I’m still waiting for my coffee to kick in, but I’m already out of it."
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