121 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Apples.
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"Apples are just like you. They come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties – and some are rotten!"
"The only thing worse than a bad apple is a bad pun about apples."
"If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate."
"Never trust a fruit that doesn't cry when you peel it. It's probably an apple."
"Life is full of apples. Some are sweet, some are tart, but all can give you a good punch if you bite in too hard."
"The best part about biting into an apple is the sound it makes — like the universe saying, 'That’s a solid choice!'"
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"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose with an apple!"
"It’s hard to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it. Just like telling him that an apple is a fruit."
"I have a fear of fruit. It's a-peeling!"
"I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. Then I bought an apple, and it just rolled away!"
"If you think a teacher is tough, try getting an apple to a horse."
"Certainly, a grandchild is like an apple — sweet, tempting, and there to give you a bite of joy!"
"Apples are the finest things that God ever made. I think God is a genius."
"An apple a day is just a silly way to say 'take care of yourself', but who can resist a good fruit pun?"
"Many people think of apples as healthy, but I consider them the answer to all of life's sticky problems."
"Here's to all the fruit-lovers: We make life sweeter, one apple at a time!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I bit into an apple and thought of something funny, I would only have a couple of dollars."
"It's hard not to eat an apple when it keeps looking at you from the fruit bowl, like it has something funny to say!"
"Eat apples for happiness; they're like tiny, round smiles!"
"Why was the apple upset? Because it couldn't find the right pear to go with!"
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"If life gives you apples, make applesauce — and add a pinch of humor!"
"I love apples. They’re just so juicy and... fruity. Not like oranges – they’re just so messy."
"The only thing I like more than apples is a good apple pun."
"If you think the world is a big apple, you’ve gotten too big for your own orchard."
"Life is like an apple; you never know when it’ll get squished."
"You know you’re getting old when the only thing you want to bite is an apple."
"An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but it won’t keep the snack monster at bay."
"Why did the apple go out with a fig? Because it couldn’t find a date!"
"I used to be indifferent, but then I realized I really like apples!"
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
"Once you’ve tasted the apple, there’s no way you’re going back to the fruit of the grocery store."
"Dear Apple, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already... and an apple in the process."
"An apple a day keeps your doctor away... and your therapist too."
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"You can't make everyone happy. You’re not an apple."
"Why did the computer go to the apple store? It needed a byte."
"Everything I know about apples comes from the story of Adam and Eve."
"Apples are great, but sometimes I just can’t handle the core of the matter."
"I decided to grow apples because you can't complain about how fruit is produced when you’re the one growing it."
"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy apples. Which is kind of the same thing."
"Why do apples never get lost? Because they always know the way back to the core."
"I'm a little mad, a little sad – just like a bruised apple."
"The only thing better than a sweet apple is a funny apple joke."
"Behind every good apple, there’s a bad pun waiting to happen."
"I didn't choose the apple life; the apple life chose me."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised, just like an apple."
"My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror."
"Why was the apple sad? Because it had lost its core."
"Apple: A fruit that can take a bite out of your day."
"You're the apple of my eye... and the cider of my heart!"
"I just bought a dozen apples. What should I do with the extra ones? I know! Ketchup!"
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if the doctor is a cute one!"
"Some people are apples, and some people are oranges. But I still love fruit salad."
"I have a joke about apples, but it’s just a little corny."
"An apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito or eaten a bad apple."
"Those who live by the apple, die by the apple."
"You can't make everyone happy. You aren't an apple!"
"Life is full of choices. I'd always pick an apple over a pear. Pears are just sad."
"I once asked for an apple, and God gave me a tree."
"I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me, but I would've preferred an apple."
"Eating an apple can make you smarter. It’s red and it’s round. Just like my favorite joke!"
"Apples have it all: sweetness, crunch, and a great line-up of jokes!"
"If you throw an apple at an office worker, it won’t solve your issues, but it might give them a good laugh!"
"Ever noticed how apples are just like us? Some are delicious, some are rotten, and some have wormy secrets."
"If A is for Apple, then Z is for Zany fruit antics!"
"Why do they call it an apple? Because 'doughnut' was already taken!"
"Falling in love is like biting into a big juicy apple, but be careful of the worms!"
"Keep calm and eat an apple! Or throw it—it can be therapeutic!"
"They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you’ve got to throw it just right!"
"I love apples. They make me feel all fruity inside."
"The only thing worse than not finishing an apple pie is not eating it at all."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito or an apple."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it gave me an apple."
"Sometimes I feel like an apple in a bag of oranges."
"Life is full of difficult choices. Like, do I want a salad or an apple pie?"
"An apple is a great snack, but it will never touch my chocolate chip cookie."
"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your apples, but you can’t pick your friend’s apples."
"I bought apples today but ate all the chocolate instead."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Unless it's apples."
"Life is just like an apple pie: it’s sweet, it's messy, and you usually want more."
"The only reason I buy apples is to make caramel apples!"
"When life gives you lemons, trade them for apples."
"There's no such thing as a bad apple, just bad ways to prepare them."
"If you think apples make great juice, wait until you see what they can do as a prop."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit!"
"I’m not saying I’m an apple expert, but I can tell a Granny Smith from a Red Delicious in a pinch."
"Crisp, tart, sweet, and juicy—an apple makes the perfect snack unless you’re trying to watch your calories."
"Do I like apples? Only when they aren’t the focus of my snack time discussions."
"An apple a day keeps the boring life away."
"Not all apples are created equal. Some are destined for pies, others for the trash."
"What do you call two apples next to each other? A pear."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Especially about apples."
"I've never met an apple I didn’t like, unless it was trying to give me a bad haircut!"
"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!"
"Apples can be poisonous, so one should be careful which one you bite into."
"I have a feeling that when my kids were little, they'd trade me an apple for a cookie. And they never told me what the apple was for."
"An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but a donut a day might get you a bigger doctor."
"I don't know why they call it a hot dog. I call it a 'frankfurter' with personality."
"If we're not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"The hardest thing about being a parent is that you never get a manual. However, I hear apples help."
"Never trust someone who doesn't like apples, or those who like them too much."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it... especially if it's apple pie."
"The only thing better than a slice of apple pie is a second slice of apple pie."
"They say that money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye.'"
"You can't make everyone happy. You're not an apple."
"Life is full of surprises and, unfortunately, sometimes they are made of fruit."
"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done. Unless it's a delicious apple pie!"
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing."
"Don’t count the days; make the days count—especially if they involve apples."
"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose... unless they have apple pie on it!"
"Apple: A fruit that shows how loving people can take one very big bite out of life."
"My apple pie is a work of art—and nothing makes art more personal than comedy."
"A meal without dessert is like a day without sunshine. But a day with apple pie? That's paradise!"
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Unless it’s apple pie, then it’s all even!"
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