102 result(s) for Funny Quotes About Politics.
"In politics, absurdity is not a handicap."
"There’s an old saying: 'If you want to be a politician, you should start as a comedian.'"
"I think we should look for the best in people. When we find it, we should point it out."
"Politics is the only business where no one thinks they’re a failure."
"The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they backfire."
"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat."
"I have no problem with bribery, but I do have a problem with politicians."
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"You can’t make a program that protects against a bad decision."
"The worst thing about the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat."
"Politics is like driving. To go anywhere, you have to hit something."
"Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
"If we were meant to be governed by the people, we would have been born with a ballot in our hands."
"I don’t make jokes, I just watch the government and report the facts."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I think the worst thing you can say about politicians is that they’re not funny."
"If I were to sum up this campaign in one word, it would be 'crazy'. And I'm not just talking about the people running it."
"I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians."
"I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."
"Politics is like a game of chess; the queen can do anything, but the king can only move one square at a time."
"The only thing dirty about politics is the politicians."
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"If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."
"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated."
"I don’t want to make money. I just want to be wonderful."
"We’re all in this together, and it’s all your fault."
"Politicians are like diapers. They both need to be changed regularly and for the same reason."
"The difference between a politician and a snail is that a politician is more slippery."
"A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground."
"I can’t believe I was born in this century – I’m just waiting for the world to catch up."
"It’s like saying my boyfriend doesn't understand me, when in reality I haven’t defined what I mean."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gives it to."
"I couldn't care less about politics, but I care about the people who care!"
"Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get."
"There's no trickier subject than politics. It's an unbearable strain on the innocent."
"I have come to the conclusion that political jokes are about as funny as the actual politics."
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"My greatest fear is that I will be the last person to die of natural causes."
"If voting changed anything, they would make it illegal."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet."
"A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman, of the next generation."
"I don’t think that anyone should run for president unless they already have a job they’re failing at."
"In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
"Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods."
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."
"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
"To be happy in this world, you must be a little bit crazy."
"The sheep are not the problem; the shepherds are."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I’m not a member of any organized party. I am a Democrat."
"We have a system that increasingly taxes work and subsidizes non-work."
"Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything."
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there'd be a shortage of sand."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
"In politics, stupid people are allowed to vote. We must be careful to keep them from running for office."
"We are all the same in this nation, we are all just trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"There are two kinds of people: those who want to change the world and those who want to change the world’s mind about them."
"Politics is like a festival. Everyone plays the role, but nobody wants to take it seriously."
"The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected."
"I thought I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman thinks of the next generation."
"The difference between a politician and a snail is that one is a slimy creature, and the other is a snail."
"Politics is the art of preventing people from sticking their noses in what doesn’t concern them."
"If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal."
"There is no greater ignorance than that of the smartest man in the room."
"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
"The only reason I’m running for president is that I will not allow Donald Trump to be mayor of New York City."
"A politician is a man who understands government is a balancing act between opportunity and oppression."
"In politics, nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way."
"To be a statesman, you must be a politician, but your aspirations must be above mere politics."
"That's not what I meant when I said I wanted a healthy dialogue."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of the user."
"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody."
"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."
"The trouble with political jokes is they get elected."
"If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
"There are two kinds of people in the world: those who vote, and those who don't. But the people who don't vote make the best politicians."
"Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing frequently and for the same reason."
"I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap."
"A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation."
"The only time people are united in politics is when they are in the same room for a meeting. Other than that, it's every man for himself."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"You know you're a politician when you can get away with lying and claiming you were merely a victim of the media."
"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."
"The problem with political jokes is they get elected."
"Sometimes, when I look at my children, I wish I had remained a virgin."
"The political class is like a group of people going to an all-you-can-eat buffet. They take as much as they can and never care about who has to pay the bill."
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
"If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it."
"Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage."
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
"The problem with political jokes is that they often go right over the heads of the people who need to hear them most."
"I’ve got a great attitude toward work. I’m lazy, and I’m going to take a nap."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."
"There is no greater tyranny than that which is perpetrated under the shield of the law and in the name of justice."
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