128 result(s) for Funny Sports Quotes.
"I couldn’t be happier, I mean I’m happier than a kid in a candy store. Just not one that has no candy."
"I think that’s the best part of the game, the fun part of the game. You have to remember that when things get tough."
"The only time I feel like I’m in shape is after I’ve completed some grueling fitness test or some conditioning drill. I really don’t think about it out there during the practice."
"To be great, you have to be willing to be mocked, humiliated, and laughed at. You can’t be scared."
"The only way to prove you are a good sportsman is not to make excuses that are not really true."
"I played the game for the fans because I thought they were the most important part of our lives."
"I would always say that my shot has more to do with the girl holding the ball than the ball itself!"
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"I’ve never really played a round without a camera in my hand—or a camera in someone else’s hand."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I'm not in shape. I’m in a shape, but it’s round."
"When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soul mates. My kids are gonna be right about that."
"I look like a superhero out there. I’ve got a cape; I can let it go."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"We’re all wired differently. I’m a tense guy, so I have to learn how to relax."
"The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in."
"I don’t care what anybody says; when you get your first medal, it’s a big deal. In fact, I'm having it bronzed!"
"It's not how you start the race, but how you finish. Except for during a marathon, it's how you start the race."
"I don’t think they’re going to say ‘Wow, this terrible lockout really brought them together.’ I think they’re going to say ‘Wow, this guy can’t hit the side of a barn.’"
"The only time I enjoy watching baseball is when I’m on my couch with a beer."
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going, but I’m still looking for a GPS."
"A referee is someone who wears a striped shirt because they can’t find a job wearing a suit."
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"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I’ve learned that if I don’t push myself, I’ll have to carry an extra bag of chips."
"The only way you will get through this is with a sense of humor."
"Sports is a great leveler. No one remembers the guy who stands in the corner clapping at the game."
"I’ve been in this business a long time, and I’ve never seen such a collection of talent — or a collection of rotten luck."
"I had a bad back, a bad knee, bad chest. When I got home, I told my wife, 'I have a bad feeling I'm going to sleep with the fishes.'"
"If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you’d better get a food taster."
"The best part about being a wrestler is you don’t have a boss; you have a lot of bosses."
"I can’t wait until we get a game under our belts."
"The only time I’m gonna lose is when I’m dead."
"They say football is a game of inches. You know what else is? A weight loss program."
"A lot of my friends think I’m crazy because I like golf. I remind them – no one plays it when it’s raining!"
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will."
"I just want to play golf. If I can go out and play golf, I'm happy. I don't need a lot of people to do it."
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"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I told my team that if they didn’t pass the ball to me, they wouldn’t get it back."
"I don’t know which is worse: missing a game-winning shot or worrying about it. I’ll take the shot."
"A champion is afraid of losing. Everyone else is afraid of winning."
"Baseball is 90% mental, and the other half is physical."
"The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that."
"You can't catch a fish unless your line is in the water."
"I got a rock and I used it to play catcher!"
"I’m not a football coach; I have real experience. I’m a den mother and a micro-manager."
"You can't win unless you learn how to lose."
"If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
"I told my kid, 'Don't worry about your grades. You just have to win the game!'"
"The worst part about being a stand-up comic during the Super Bowl is you can't hit 'pause' on the game."
"The only thing that will stop you from being happy is yourself. And, of course, not having a sports team to root for."
"I don't need a gym. I just need to be in the vicinity of a snack table."
"You know, there are no menial jobs, just menial people."
"I find the sports world to be an awful lot like real life — if there is no effort or action, there is no reward."
"I think that the biggest challenge for me is that I can't start at the bottom. I have to be the best in the middle."
"I never thought I’d see the day when I would be an advocate for dogs."
"If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes."
"I just want to run my own team and have a little fun doing it."
"The only way to prove you are a good sport is to do the things you hate."
"I have four children, and I don't make any of them play any sport. I'm their dad, not their coach."
"You can’t hook up the hands of time and force them to get stronger."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, then I can’t help you. My entire life is a joke anyway!"
"I like to think of myself as a safety hazard."
"I've always thought that it was helpful to have someone else make you feel good about yourself while you were playing."
"Never let your opponent know what you're really thinking. Or what you're cooking."
"You can’t win ’em all, but you can at least lose with style."
"I only want people around me who can get me on the air and put me in commercials. I don’t need all the other stuff."
"Success is a lot like deodorant. You have to apply it daily before you leave the house."
"I'm going to run out of fingers before I run out of things to file complaints about!"
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"A good catcher can tell you what the pitch is before the pitcher throws it."
"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame."
"My coach told me that every time I walk out on that field, I should give it my all. That’s why I tell my kids to always try and give the cookies away."
"Winning isn’t everything, but it beats anything that comes in second."
"I’ve never yet met a man who could take a good punch and still be standing when the fight’s over."
"The difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if the shot goes in or not."
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I’ve succeeded."
"I'm not saying I've been a bad goalkeeper, but I wouldn't like my batting average."
"The only thing I know about the game is that I enjoyed playing it."
"It’s a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable."
"The coach is like the handle on a wheelbarrow - it gives you control, but it’s only as good as the load you put in it."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical."
"I’d like to be a queen, but I’d be a bad one because I’d like to be a good queen!"
"The only way to prove that you’re a good sport is to lose."
"I don’t know what I’m going to do when I retire. I’ll probably just fade into the background and become a bitter old man."
"If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito."
"In golf, it’s not the ball that matters. It’s the ballplayer that matters."
"Running is not about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be."
"My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine."
"You know, it’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"
"Winning is great, sure, but if you’re really going to have fun, you’ve got to make the best of what you’ve got."
"I'm just going to keep playing until I can't play anymore."
"The only thing better than a baseball game is a baseball game that ends in a tie."
"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of ugly people."
"The only thing more important than winning is not losing."
"If you have to ask if you’re on the right track, you probably aren’t."
"I would not be surprised if one of these days, someone begins a lawsuit for a broken heart due to a lost game."
"You can’t put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get."
"I could give up sports, but I’m not a quitter."
"I’ve never lost a game. I just ran out of time."
"I can’t tell you if golf is a sport or an occupation, but I can tell you this: there are at least a million people who are trying to make a living at it."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"I played golf with a dog today. I’m going to Fido’s. I once shot a round of 73 - and that was at my house."
"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take."
"Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical."
"The only way to prove you are a good sportsman is to lose."
"It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up."
"I’ve never met a man I didn’t like. Except for the guy who wrote that rule book."
"If you think the world of sports is exciting, wait until you meet a sports fan during a game!"
"To some, being a sports fan is like being part of a large family. Except the family members never agree on the game plan."
"Whatever you do, don’t let a little thing like losing ruin your game."
"The only reason I don’t have a trophy is because I’ve lost my mind in the competition."
"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
"Running late is my cardio."
"The definition of sport is what you call something that you're really passionate about but nobody else seems to care about."
"If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not a skydiver."
"Behind every successful athlete, there’s a spouse who waited for them to finish their sports obsession."
"Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five."
"If we kept a list of greatest comebacks, I’d have to beat my record of getting out of bed every morning."
"Some people make headlines while others make history. I just hope nobody remembers my last game."
"In sports, the rivalry is intense, especially when I’m playing against myself in the mirror."
"Yoga is 90% practice and 10% ruminating about your last meal."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I can only play two positions; right field and right out."
"Every time I see a basketball player, I picture him walking on a court filled with jello."
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