100 result(s) for Silly Quotes.
"I can't believe I said that. I mean, I can believe I said that, but I can't believe I said that."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
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"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"I'm on energy saving mode."
"I always carry a flask of whiskey in case of snakebite. And, furthermore, always carry a snake."
"I can’t decide whether I’m a good friend or a bad influence."
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
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"If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode."
"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me."
"I’m not a complete idiot; some pieces are missing."
"I told my therapist about my procrastination issues, but I’m going to wait until next week to work on them."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth. She told me the psychiatrist was a she."
"I can resist anything except temptation."
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."
"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent."
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"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"I have a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid them."
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
"I wish I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar."
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
"My therapist told me a time machine is fun, but I should stop using it as an excuse for bad decisions."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"I’m in shape. Round is a shape."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"I am on the patch right now, but I can still make it for dinner."
"Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze."
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left."
"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I'm afraid of a world where the robots take over. I can just see it now... 'beep boop beep.'"
"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, which is pretty much the same thing."
"I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living."
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"The problem with having an open mind, of course, is that people will try to put things in it."
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
"I'm not sure what's worse: feeling like you're close to dying or feeling like you're not even close to living."
"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
"I love mankind... it's people I can't stand!!"
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"We are all born mad. Some remain so."
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
"If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day."
"Common sense is not so common."
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will try to put things into it."
"If you're going to be thinking anyway, think big."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"Children should be taught that morally, ethically, and spiritually, they are as good as anybody."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"The secret of success is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"I am an old man now, and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
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