130 result(s) for Humorous Christian Quotes.
"I think God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
"I’ve never seen a miracle. I’ve never seen a person healed, I’ve never seen a person raised from the dead. But I’ve seen a lot of faith – and a lot of really bad church potluck casseroles."
"If at first you don’t succeed, you’re probably doing it wrong. Just ask Moses."
"The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn."
"I told the devil to go back to hell; he looked a little confused and said, 'You can’t be serious. I’ve lost my sense of humor!'"
"When I was a boy, I had to use the bathroom in the creek. Now I’m married to a woman who will not let me go outside."
"The Lord may be my shepherd, but I’m also a little mad because he didn’t stop me from eating gluten."
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"I learned that the best way to be a Christian is to go to church on Sunday and have a good nap on Monday."
"God loves a cheerful giver; He also loves a witty one."
"The seven last words of a church are: ‘We’ve never done it that way before.’"
"You know you're a Christian when the devil starts to flee having a conversation with you."
"So, what’s heaven like? Well, it’s like a never-ending church service, except without all the potluck gossip."
"God is like a GPS: Even when you make a wrong turn, He’ll recalculate."
"Why did Noah have to discipline the chickens on the ark? Because they were using fowl language!"
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"
"If you don’t know what to pray for, just pray that your coffee stays hot and your children stay kind."
"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints!"
"I’d like to see a little more saving grace in my local voting booth."
"I’m on the wagon. Pray for others to join me!"
"I know God won’t put more on me than I can handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!"
"Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left!"
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"Salvation is free. The expensive part is living it."
"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."
"Worrying is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain."
"The devil is not afraid of a dusty Bible, but he is afraid of a Bible that is well-read."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"I always give 100% at work: 13% on Mondays, 22% on Tuesdays, 19% on Wednesdays, 26% on Thursdays, and 20% on Fridays."
"I told the Lord I would like to be a better person. He said, 'Well, quit asking and start doing.'"
"God loves you as you are, but he refuses to leave you that way."
"If you don't find joy in your church, you might need to increase your caffeine levels."
"God's way of answering our prayers is to keep us waiting."
"Prayer is the original wireless communication."
"The Bible is the only book whose author is always present."
"If God is your co-pilot, swap seats."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a bad day, remember God is in control."
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"I can’t wait to get to heaven. I’ll just say, 'Y’all won't believe the stuff I had to go through to be here!'"
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into the nest."
"I am on the patch that God has given me, but I am excited to be on His lawn!"
"Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case."
"The church is not a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners."
"A lot of people want to serve God, but only as advisors."
"The best way to prophesy is to go out and make some history."
"I think God is a little like a DJ. You think you planned your life’s playlist, and then He comes in and scratches it up!"
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."
"God made the world in six days, and on the seventh day, He was still working – on His nap."
"He who kneels before God can stand before anyone."
"Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me, and I’ll laugh at you!"
"You might be a Christian if you think a ‘hot dish’ is a casserole."
"If you don't feel comfortable sharing your faith, just remember that even Jesus had a few doubters; he was great with ‘fishers of men’, but not so good with a tax collector!"
"Faith is like Wi-Fi. It’s invisible, but it has the power to connect you to what you need."
"God wants us to pray, but he doesn’t want us to be a ‘Knee-mail’ Christian."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of church services."
"I asked God for patience, and God said, 'No.' He gave me opportunities to be patient instead."
"The Bible says 'God is love.' When it comes to coffee, however, I think he makes it bold!"
"Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness."
"I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants."
"We all have a purpose in life; perhaps it is to serve as a warning to others."
"If God had wanted us to be vegetarian, He wouldn’t have made animals out of meat."
"Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success."
"I don’t take naps; I just make up my mind to do nothing."
"I’m on that 'diet' where I eat everything and hope for a miracle."
"When you are unhappy, you don’t know how to be joyful. I think that’s why Jesus included a ‘joyful’ spirit in his prayers."
"You know you're a Christian when you think daylight savings time is a season of fasting."
"I have a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."
"The Lord made us a family; we just had to pick the other ‘significant’ others."
"God has a sense of humor; just look at giraffes!"
"I told God I would be a good Christian if He gave me a Ferrari. He just smiled."
"The Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."
"I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about somebody."
"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."
"The only exercise I enjoy is jumping to conclusions."
"Don't worry about anything. Pray about everything."
"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!"
"I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
"If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!"
"When God made man, he was only kidding."
"I told God I needed a soulmate. He said, 'I made you perfect; just chill out and I will find someone for you.'"
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."
"I have a lot of faith. I just can’t seem to get my Costco membership."
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
"I’ve had a really good life. I could die tomorrow. But then again, I can wait until next week."
"If you're going to pray for rain, don't forget to bring an umbrella."
"God loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Just remember – they are God's children too."
"I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. And I'm learning that God has a great sense of humor."
"God has a wonderful plan for your life. Just remember that most of the time, it's not the plan you had in mind."
"As a Christian, you usually have to decide between what God wants you to do and what you'd like to do. Sometimes it's a tough choice – like tacos or pizza."
"My favorite verse is ‘Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously.’"
"God created the world, but my grandfather gave it a place to live."
"The most effective way to deal with a difficult boss is to pray for them, and then figure out how to transfer."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"The Lord works in mysterious ways. Usually, I just wish He’d remind me about Monday mornings."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, then you might just be missing the best comedy show in town."
"Why do Christians sing 'Joy to the World'? Because they want to drown out the sound of their neighbors."
"Christianity is a battle between faith and fear. So when you lose your faith, just remember, fear is just false evidence appearing real."
"I’m on the patch to sanctification, and I may have some detours along the way."
"They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can certainly buy a yacht big enough to pull right up to it!"
"I told the devil to take a hike. He started jogging!"
"Sometimes I think the Lord has a sense of humor, but it’s definitely on a need-to-know basis."
"If God is your co-pilot, switch seats."
"God loves a cheerful giver. He also loves a funny one."
"The Bible says 'God is love.' It does not say 'God is a bit grumpy,' so I think we should be cheerful."
"Some of my best friends are the people I've never met. They live in my faith."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure, but I trust in His plan!"
"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"A sneeze can be a blessing—bless you, my child!"
"When you’re down to nothing, God is up to something. Probably something funny!"
"I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I'm to die for."
"If you follow God's path, you can't get lost... except in a corn maze."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest—but don't worry, God has a great sense of timing!"
"I told God I needed a raise, and He said, ‘Try doing your job better!’"
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice!"
"The only exercise I get is running my mouth—thank God for grace!"
"Just because we have the answer does not mean we have all the questions. Ask Jesus!"
"God is like a GPS; if you make a wrong turn, He’ll reroute you."
"Want to hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans for the day."
"The dentist is the only person who will ask you about your sinuses while he’s looking in your mouth."
"He’s got the whole world in His hands—so don’t drop it!"
"I pray for patience, and then I get stuck in traffic!"
"I love the way my faith makes me feel, so much so that I often forget I’m supposed to be serious."
"Dear God, I’ve got a lot of requests, but can we skip to the funny stuff?"
"My favorite verse is 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.' Just kidding, but I do love cheese!"
"Whenever I feel like I’m losing my faith, I just remember that God knows me... and still loves me!"
"Say what you want about the Ten Commandments, but I’ve never seen better rules for a game of life."
"I’m not perfect, and God doesn’t want me to be; He just wants me to keep trying, and sometimes laughing!"
"God’s not just a planner; He’s also the ultimate prankster!"
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