129 result(s) for Funny Southern Quotes.
"I'm so southern, I can't even say the word 'Y'all' without feeling a little bit of pride."
"In the South, we don’t hide crazy; we put it on the front porch and give it a drink!"
"If you think I'm in a bad mood, it's just my resting Southern face."
"A Southern woman is a surefire way to start a fight and calm it down in the same breath."
"You know you're a true southerner if you can start a sentence with 'Bless her heart' and you know exactly what it's going to mean."
"If it ain't fried, it ain't right."
"I may not be the best cook, but I can certainly burn things!"
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"I'm just a simple girl who can't resist biscuits and gravy."
"You can take the girl out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the girl."
"It's not just a meal; it's a family reunion!"
"Sweeter than a peach and nuttier than a squirrel!"
"That boy's as useful as a screen door on a submarine!"
"If you’re too southern to know what a 'soda' is, you probably call it 'coke'."
"I don't mind a bit of rain, as long as I can keep my hair dry!"
"Happiness is a cold sweet tea on a hot summer day."
"Well, ain’t this a whole mess of trouble!"
"I have a thirst that even sweet tea can’t quench."
"Southern hospitality is the art of making someone feel at home without actually giving them a key."
"Her idea of exercise is lifting a fork to her mouth!"
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch; I call it lunch!"
"You know you’re from the South when you can’t tell the difference between ‘y'all’ and ‘all y’all’!"
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"Good manners come from the South, but good sense comes from anywhere but!"
"People in the South have a great sense of humor, unless you're making fun of their sweet tea."
"In the South, you can’t throw a rock without hitting a BBQ joint!"
"Get your own sweet tea and be happy, darlin'!"
"I don't care how old I am, I’m gonna climb a tree in my fifty-two-year-old naked body and try to reach a raccoon! Just remember – you can’t judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? You’re a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
"I thought I saw a big rat in my attic, but it turned out to be my husband trying to put the Christmas decorations up."
"I’m on the patch program to stop cussin’, but I can’t seem to find the patch."
"Bless your heart means that you are an idiot."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit the nail on the head, only to find it was a thumbtack!"
"You know it's summer in the South when the mosquitoes are the size of the state bird!"
"They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, if that dog could talk, he’d probably ask you to stop trying!"
"You might be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a liquor store!"
"He’s as useful as a screen door on a submarine!"
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"If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
"The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating."
"It’s not that the South is so different, it is just that it has a way of showing its weirdness."
"A little chocolate a day keeps stress away!"
"I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one."
"I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not a sour grape!"
"You know you’re from the South when ‘y’all’ is the plural of ‘you’!"
"You can’t make everyone happy; you’re not a taco."
"I’m not saying I’m a bad cook, but I can ruin a microwave."
"I don't know how I got a reputation as a picky eater; I looked at the menu and ordered three different entrees."
"There's two seasons in Tennessee: winter and summer."
"At least you can say you live where it feels like you want to melt in October!"
"In the South, even our dogs wag their tails in rhythm!"
"It’s so hot even the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs!"
"If loving cornbread is wrong, I don't want to be right!"
"A Southern woman can turn an embarrassing situation into a family reunion."
"I’m as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"I could take a bath in sweet tea and still not be as southern as I want to be."
"Well, bless your heart."
"Ain't nobody got time for that!"
"Southern women may be strong, but we're also delicate like a flower and as tough as nails."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not pizza."
"Life is too short to eat bad barbecue."
"You know you’re in the South when you can say ‘Hi’ to someone without ever looking them in the eye."
"I'm on the patch of dirt where my family has lived for the last 200 years. You never forget that."
"Nothing says southern hospitality like a 4-course meal and a bottle of bourbon."
"You must be made of cheese, because you're looking gouda tonight!"
"Every good Southern meal begins with a few sticks of butter."
"Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural."
"As a matter of fact, I'm a little bit like a biscuit. If you don't mind me saying so."
"Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it – with a side of cornbread."
"Trying to convince a Southerner that something is not fried is like trying to convince a cat not to knock a glass off the table."
"If you don't like the weather in the South, just wait five minutes."
"Don't let the sun set on your problems; just let it set on your porch with a glass of sweet tea."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of mayonnaise."
"If your momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
"The only thing sweeter than tea in the South is the gossip."
"Real southern men are just like sweet tea. They take a little bit of time to brew, but are worth the wait!"
"Sometimes, you just need to add a little bit of sausage to get the party started."
"In the South, we don’t need fancy degrees to know how to have a good time."
"As long as there’s a chicken fried steak, all is right with the world."
"Just because we don't talk loud doesn't mean we're not serious."
"I’m so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh or sing a song."
"If you don’t like my peaches, don’t shake my tree."
"He’s as useless as a screen door on a submarine."
"Bless your heart. You were trying, weren't you?"
"It’s hotter than a goat in a pepper patch."
"I’m busier than a one-legged man at a butt-kickin' contest."
"This is a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it."
"If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of other people."
"I’m fixin' to go make a sandwich."
"You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear."
"They don't make 'em like they used to, and that's a good thing."
"Well, I’ll be a monkey's uncle!"
"It's like trying to herd cats."
"He's got more issues than National Geographic."
"She’s got a few screws loose, but she’s nice as pie."
"I told my mama I was done with men, and she said, 'Honey, you’re only 12.'"
"That’s a bigger problem than trying to teach a pig to sing."
"His brain’s so full of rocks, he makes a great paperweight."
"I’ve got so many plans, I’m gonna need a bigger planner."
"Life’s a picnic, but you’ve got to bring your own sandwich."
"She’s as sharp as a marble."
"If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose."
"I’m as happy as a clam at high tide."
"I feel like I’m in a three-legged race with a chicken running the other way."
"You look like you just got off the turnip truck!"
"They couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag."
"I'm not saying I’m not a good cook, but even my rice krispies go snap, crackle, and cry."
"It's better to be seen than viewed."
"I thought I was the only one who had a hard time keeping my yard in shape—until I realized it was my pet pig!"
"If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out."
"You can’t really be Southern if you don’t have a family member who can’t be left alone at a buffet."
"I’m on the patch to get fit, but there’s a confederacy of comfort food watching me."
"I'm like a chef in a kitchen full of raccoons; I occasionally make a mess, but I do it with style!"
"If you don’t know where you’re going, you might wind up somewhere else."
"In the South, the only thing we insist on is that you don’t take our sweet tea."
"You can't fix stupid, but you can put a little lipstick on it."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the recipe for chicken casserole!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"
"If you can't laugh at yourself, how can you laugh at others?"
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"The older I get, the better I was."
"A little dirt never hurt nobody unless you're trying to get into a fancy party."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work out—there are 25 more letters in the alphabet!"
"My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror."
"I might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I sure am colorful!"
"I have a busy day planned: Worrying about tomorrow. And if I'm lucky, maybe worrying about next week, too!"
"Life's too short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move the body."
"You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge it by the way it smells."
"I’ve learned that life is like a bowl of soup – it’s all about how you spoon it!"
"If it's not Southern, it's not food!"
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