112 result(s) for Funny Quotes For A Shirt.
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I have a sea of knowledge, but I am still a sand grain."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I didn’t fall, I just really wanted to hug the floor."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I am on the patch to becoming a pro procrastinator."
"Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week."
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"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I can totally keep secrets. It’s all the people I tell them to that can’t."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers!"
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep a lot, and wake up beautiful."
"I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome!"
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"
"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."
"I could give up shopping, but I’m not a quitter."
"What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?"
"I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days."
"I just don’t want to look back and think I could have eaten that."
"Stressed, blessed, and coffee-obsessed."
"Forget the butterflies; I feel the entire zoo in my stomach."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach pictures."
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"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
"If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives."
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to experience it as fully as possible – like a buffet."
"Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix."
"Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?"
"The fridge is a great place to hide food."
"Save water, drink beer."
"I’m not short. I’m fun-sized!"
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So I go back to being me."
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"I have a clean house. I just don’t know where it is."
"Behind every successful person, there is a substantial amount of coffee."
"Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable — like a coma?"
"I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to be in a public place. Let’s pretend that’s not a problem."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!"
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I can’t adult today."
"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?"
"I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking."
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time."
"I’m allergic to stupidity; I break out in sarcasm."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kat ads."
"If I was funny, I'd have people laughing with me instead of at me."
"I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive."
"If you think I'm funny, you should see me on Mondays!"
"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye."
"I finally got a handle on my life, but now it's breaking!"
"I only exercise on days that end with 'y'."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I don’t have an attitude problem, I have a “you” problem."
"I came. I saw. I made it awkward."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my crazy friends."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach photos!"
"I have a joke about pizza, but it’s just too cheesy."
"My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I always give 100%. Except when I’m donating blood."
"If we weren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"If you think I’m a mess now, you should have seen me before coffee!"
"I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"I’m so bright, my mother calls me sun."
"I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor."
"I'm on the patch for chocolate. It's a bit rocky."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry."
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t want to."
"I'm not procrastinating, I'm doing side quests."
"If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I can't adult today. Please don't make me."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Running late is my cardio."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."
"Procrastinate now, don't put it off."
"I'm like 104% tired."
"I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you."
"I'm just here to avoid friends on Facebook."
"I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my other personalities."
"I’m on the patch right now. It’s a donut patch."
"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing."
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I'm not short, I'm fun-sized!"
"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
"I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas."
"If I were a vegetable, I’d be a ‘cabbage’ because I don’t want to ‘leaf.’"
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