122 result(s) for Funny Construction Quotes.
"I’m a contractor. I know how to deal with things that are building up inside me."
"You know you’re a contractor when you think a ‘quick fix’ means a double shot of espresso."
"A good contractor is like a good magician; they can make your budget disappear."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Oh wait, I’m a contractor - that’s just part of the job."
"The only difference between a good contractor and a great contractor is... about five years of experience."
"I have a fear of heights, but it’s just a phase; I’m learning to build up to it."
"I told my contractor I wanted a home with a view. He built me a window!"
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"Measure twice, cut once. Then curse loudly and repeat."
"It’s not that I’m so smart; it’s just that I stay with problems longer. So I guess I’m a great contractor!"
"We’re not lazy; we’re just on energy-saving mode. That’s what contractors do!"
"Behind every great contractor, there is a trail of unfinished projects."
"Good fences make good neighbors, but good construction makes great neighbors."
"Why did the contractor bring a ladder to work? Because they heard the job was up-and-coming!"
"A contractor’s greatest tool is the ability to stay calm when everything's falling apart."
"The best part of being a contractor? You can always ‘construct’ your own reality."
"Real estate is an investment in property that you can literally get stuck building."
"Contractors are professionals who know how to maintain their balance even in a construction zone."
"Every project is a masterpiece; it just takes some time and the right tools to assemble."
"Why do contractors make bad detectives? Because they tend to go in too many directions without a plan!"
"I don’t always build, but when I do, I prefer it to be before the deadline!"
"A contractor’s unfinished work is a reflection of their creativity and a testament to their process."
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"I found out the hard way that if you’re going to be a contractor, there are going to be a lot of ‘nail-biting’ moments."
"Building a relationship is just like construction - you need the right foundation to keep it strong!"
"You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do unless you have the plans drawn out!"
"A contractor’s motto: If you can’t find something, it’s probably behind the sawdust!"
"We shape our buildings, and afterwards our buildings shape us."
"A big part of being successful is to act on the advice you give to others."
"I can't work in a place where I can't have my coffee. It's like building a house without a foundation."
"I tell my contractors that I’ll be there at 4 p.m. But I usually don’t show up until 6 or 7. That’s my magic trick."
"We put so much pressure on ourselves and then expect no cracks or leaks under the stress."
"Measure twice, cut once – or just give up and hire a contractor."
"A construction worker is a man who is smarter than the average man and works way harder than a man who is not."
"Construction is the art of making a mess and calling it progress."
"The best way to make a tiny fortune in construction is to start with a big one."
"When all else fails, follow the instructions."
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"If you think the costs are high now, just wait until you get the bill."
"What’s the difference between a construction worker and a magician? One deals with building things and the other deals with making things disappear – like your budget."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work; the alphabet has 25 more letters."
"The most destructive thing you can do is mistreat a contractor. Mistakes happen, but not all of them can be forgiven."
"The only time to be positive you are in the right place at the right time is when you're on a construction site."
"Why don’t construction workers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when everyone knows you’re always under construction!"
"I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned – especially when there's road construction."
"If you’re going to take a shortcut, make sure it’s not a brief street in an active construction zone."
"Everyone wants to build a home. It's very rare for a construction worker not to have a vision of his own at the end of the day."
"There’s no such thing as a perfect building, just ones that give you the least amount of headache."
"We don't build anything; we tear everything down, including our expectations."
"Sometimes you need to mix new ideas with old bricks to build something great."
"I like to make the boring stuff a bit more fun. Like when we survey, it's like musical chairs, but with heavy equipment."
"To be successful in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."
"A building is like a mother. It is born, it grows, it lives and it dies. In order for it to thrive, it must be fed and nurtured."
"I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best. Unless it's a construction problem, then it’s a chance for some really bad jokes."
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. In the middle of construction lies a mess."
"I didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose me. I didn't choose the construction life; it chose me too."
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces."
"The only time you should look back is to see how far you've come. Or to see what the heck that guy is doing with my tools!"
"You can’t make a digital watch with a hammer and paintbrush; you can’t build a skyscraper using just a shovel and a brain."
"We're all in this together; in fact, if we were all up on the same scaffold, it would be much safer!"
"Measure twice, cut once – and if all else fails, duct tape!"
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Especially true on construction sites."
"If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization."
"I’m working on a new project that requires a lot of tools. I’m going to call it 'Building a Boat'."
"The best part of construction is all the tools. Just like a kid in a candy store."
"You haven’t truly lived until you’ve built your own furniture from instructions that only come in Swedish."
"Why do construction workers sleep on the job? Because they're always falling down on the job!"
"For every complex problem, there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. Just check the construction plans!"
"A carpenter is someone who has to nail down a lot of loose ends."
"You know you’re in construction when the only thing running smoother than your project is your coffee."
"I find it amusing that we have to remind workers not to use their own tools on company time."
"Concrete is a fascinating material – it sets harder every time it rains and becomes a perfect foundation for excuses!"
"I always give 100 percent at work: 12 percent on Monday, 23 percent on Tuesday, 40 percent on Wednesday, 20 percent on Thursday, and 5 percent on Friday."
"I have the right to remain silent. I just don’t have the ability."
"You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do."
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
"In the construction business, you’re always building something. If it’s not a house, it’s a bad reputation."
"I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stare."
"The best part of my job is that I can start my own projects and never finish them."
"The trouble with trouble is it usually starts out as fun."
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about."
"It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Why did the construction worker bring a pencil to work? Because he wanted to draw his own conclusions!"
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, or get you a building permit without paperwork."
"A bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can’t go anywhere until you change it."
"Measure twice, cut once, and get the contractor to help with the measuring!"
"The only thing worse than a bad job is a bad job with no coffee."
"The most dangerous kind of waste is the waste we do not recognize."
"Why was the construction worker always calm? Because he knew how to deal with all kinds of stresses!"
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"
"I finally found a job that doesn't require me to pay taxes. Just kidding, it's construction!"
"Start with the end in mind, but don't forget the beginner’s toolkit!"
"The only thing tougher than concrete is the mind of a contractor who refuses to fix it."
"The construction site is just like life; it's all about how you handle the unplanned diversions and detours."
"I built my house on a rock. I wish I had chosen a better contractor."
"If people knew how hard I worked to gain my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful at all."
"I'm not a handyman, but I often find myself working at Common Sense Construction Company!"
"Measure twice, cut once, and pray the contractor shows up on time!"
"My house is still a total wreck. I started a construction project last year and never finished it. It's a work in progress!"
"The road to success is always under construction."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I told the contractor I wanted a new floor, but all he did was put in wood instead of carpet!"
"Why did the construction worker bring a pencil to work? Because he wanted to draw his salary!"
"When in doubt, just add more concrete!"
"The only thing worse than a bad plan is no plan."
"A good contractor is a bit like a magician; most of the time, you just don’t see the tricks they are performing!"
"If you think safety is expensive, try having an accident!"
"Any construction site is just a gather of professionals making sure to fix what the last guy didn’t do right."
"I have a great respect for architects: They help to make people’s dreams come true, but they always seem to forget that dreams are meant to be fun, too."
"There are no problems, only solutions. But sometimes, those solutions come with a bill!"
"Construction: The fine art of making a mess and charging you for it!"
"I’m an engineer, so I cannot not be rational. I'm only irrational when trying to understand how this project went over budget."
"What do architects use for camouflage? Their designs!"
"My construction team works like a family. A dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless."
"No matter how many times you build something, it still doesn’t stop breaking!"
"Construction workers are just like opera singers: they have to break a few ‘props’ to get to the top!"
"Home is where you tear down walls to build up your dreams."
"Why do construction workers always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw a line!"
"Building a house is a lot like building a relationship: it takes solid foundations, careful planning, and a bit of chaos!"
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