25 result(s) for Funny Mushroom Quotes.
"I force myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste."
"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like 'What about lunch?'"
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
"I'm not sure what's harder: convincing people I'm not crazy, or convincing myself."
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"I hate being late. But I'm good at it."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I have always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right."
"If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not."
"I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I’m one coffee away from being vertical."
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."
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"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
