73 result(s) for Funny Accountant Quotes.
"An accountant is a man hired to explain why you don't have any money."
"Accountants are like magicians, they can make your money disappear."
"I'm an accountant. I like numbers. Numbers talk. They tell stories. And if you know how to listen, you can learn some pretty amazing things."
"Being an accountant is easy. It's like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you're on fire, everything is on fire, and you're in hell."
"I'm an accountant. I'm passionate about numbers. It's in my blood."
"Accountants are the lifeblood of any business. Without them, the whole thing would fall apart."
"I'm not an accountant, but I play one on TV."
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"An accountant is someone who puts things in order, and that's very important."
"If you can count your money, you don't have a problem."
"Numbers have an important story to tell. They rely on you to give them a voice"
"Advertising is legalized lying."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"There are only two things certain in life: death and taxes."
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
"I sympathize with people who have a hard time with fractions. If I had any money, I wouldn't have such a hard time with fractions."
"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair."
"We are living in an age when pizzas arrive faster than police."
"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income."
"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well."
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"I have to pay taxes, because I breathe. When I stop breathing, no taxes."
"I want to be remembered as the guy who gave the ordinary Joe a break."
"Some tax lawyers tell you, 'Here's what the IRS says, and here's how to do it.' I'm of the school that says, 'Here's what they say, but here's how they're wrong.'"
"A fool and his money are soon parted."
"Accountants are like ninjas, but with calculators."
"I'm an accountant. I like numbers, not opinions."
"Without the accountant, it's all just funny money."
"God created accountants to make sense of economists."
"An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand."
"Accountants know all the tricks of the trade, except how to make a balance sheet balance."
"I am an accountant, so I can say the last place they want to be is on the red carpet."
"My first job was as an accounts clerk, and I was sacked after three months."
"What is an accountant? Someone you pay to explain why you don't have as much money as you thought you did."
"I told my accountant I don't want to pay taxes. He said, 'Then you need to make less money'."
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"An excellent plumber is infinitely more admirable than an incompetent philosopher. The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
"There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."
"Numbers have an important story to tell. They rely on you to give them a clear and convincing voice."
"I love being an accountant. It's the closest I'll ever get to being a superhero."
"Being an accountant is easy. It's like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire. And you're on fire. And everything is on fire."
"You know you're an accountant when your idea of a wild night is balancing to zero."
"Accountants: because everyone else is just guessing."
"An accountant is a person who will explain to you that you did not make the profit you thought you did."
"An accountant is someone who's an expert at making things balance – even when they don't."
"Accountants don't have dust bunnies, they have accumulated depreciation."
"Accountants are the unsung heroes of the business world. They keep the numbers straight, so we can all sleep at night."
"I can't explain things well because I'm an accountant, not a magician."
"As an accountant, I can count on you to make some money."
"I'm not sure what's tighter, my jeans or the budget I'm working on."
"The thing you should be worried about is that I, an accountant, am now armed with a weapon."
"The difference between a taxidermist and a tax evader is that the taxidermist leaves his work."
"In an accountant's world, debits are always followed by credits...unless you have been cooking the books."
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."
"Numbers have an important story to tell. They rely on you to give them a voice."
"Taxation with representation ain't so hot either."
"Accountants are like detectives, but with calculators."
"I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money."
"What is the difference between a bookkeeper and a bloodhound? One looks after your books, the other looks after your blood."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
"I gave up some ভালো numbers for some ভালো people."
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
"A balanced budget is like protecting your virtue: you have to learn to say no."
"Accountants know things that can't be googled."
"I always wanted to be an accountant."
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
"In life, many deals are made. But the best deal you can ever make is a deal with your own integrity."
"Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant."
"We are here on Earth to do good. What the others are here for, I have no idea."
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."
"There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
"Behind every successful business, there is an accountant."
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?'. Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
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