107 result(s) for Cute Funny Quotes.
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me kit-tea memes!"
"The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"If we are what we eat, then I am cheap and easy."
"I don't need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
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"I always carry a pebble in my pocket to remind me to never be stone-faced."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"I can't adult today. Please don't make me."
"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."
"The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters."
"I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"You can't make everybody happy, you're not a jar of Nutella."
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it."
"I didn't fall. I'm just spending some quality time with the floor."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me kit-tea memes."
"Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese."
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"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep a lot, and wake up beautiful."
"I never make mistakes. I only have unexpected learning opportunities."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just in energy-saving mode."
"I don’t need therapy. I just need my dog."
"If we aren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time."
"You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now."
"Life is short - smile while you still have teeth."
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"I’m on a see-food diet. I see food, and I eat it!"
"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
"A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory."
"You can't make everybody happy. You're not a taco."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"I don't need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
"Every time I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and says, 'Eat me!'"
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese."
"I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need a professional opinion."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"My imaginary friend says that I have a serious problem."
"Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people I didn’t find that funny."
"I put the 'Pro' in procrastinate."
"You can’t believe everything you hear. Especially if you’re listening to yourself."
"I am on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle."
"I think my chicken likes gourmet feed; he doesn’t want to eat the regular stuff."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I've lost 15 days."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode."
"I'm so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh or sing a song."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"You can't make everyone happy. You're not a taco."
"I am only human, and I am stuck in this world of craziness."
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Out of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most."
"When nothing goes right, go left."
"I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"A clear conscience is a sign of a fuzzy memory."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work. The alphabet has 25 more letters."
"The best things in life are silly."
"If you think I'm cute, you should see what I look like at 6 a.m."
"I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 p.m."
"I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me KitKats."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
"I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."
"Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!"
"I always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of a snakebite. Furthermore, I carry a snake."
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I lost my temper, I wouldn't have to lose my temper anymore."
"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time."
"I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!"
"I'm on a roll. The only thing I'm missing is bread!"
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"I wish I were controlling my life as I control my TV remote."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I Told You So."
"I'm not sure how many problems I have, but I know that math is one of them."
"I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
"I can't believe I still have to give you a rule book. Oh, wait. I don’t."
"I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
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