116 result(s) for Funny Letter Board Quotes.
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch."
"I don't need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
"I'm not arguing; I'm just explaining why I'm right."
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!"
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"If at first, you don't succeed... so much for skydiving."
"I would lose weight, but I hate losing."
"My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes."
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
"I'm on the patch right now. It involves a lot of snacking."
"I don’t always procrastinate, but when I do, I prefer to put it off."
"A clean house is a sign of a broken computer."
"If we weren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"If you can't remember my name, just say 'Bacon!'"
"I finally realized that the only reason I am so hard on myself is because I never stopped to see how great I actually am."
"I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom."
"If you're going to be late, please let me know beforehand so I can be equally late."
"I don’t need coffee; I need tea. Lots of it."
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"Never trust an atom; they make up everything!"
"I'm in shape. Round is a shape."
"I just want to be happy. When I grow up, I want to be a kid again."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me."
"Running late is my cardio."
"I work out... just kidding, I take naps."
"Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside."
"Procrastinators unite... tomorrow."
"Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!"
"Sometimes I wish I were an octopus. So I could slap eight people at once."
"Life is too short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"Reality called, so I hung up."
"I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode."
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"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure."
"If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my imaginary friend."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"You can't make me do anything. I'm a grown-up!"
"My idea of a balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand."
"Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice."
"I dream of a better world, and so should you. But for now...let's eat dessert first!"
"I love you more than pizza, but please don't make me prove it."
"The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
"Dieting is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire and you’re in hell."
"If you think I'm crazy, you should see my friends."
"Today’s mood: 100% chance of sarcasm."
"I put the pro in procrastinate."
"If you can't find me, it's probably because I'm at home eating snacks."
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."
"I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode."
"I don’t always wear pants, but when I do, I prefer to wear them inside."
"Exercise? I thought you said 'extra fries'!"
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a taco."
"I’m on an 8-hour diet. So far, I’ve eaten two meals in 6 hours."
"I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"If we're not meant to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"Do I believe in love at first sight? Absolutely! I fall in love with every slice of cake."
"I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"
"Did you know that in Japan, they have signs in the airport that say 'Caution: Invisible Man'? I think that's hilarious."
"I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers."
"I can’t adult today. Please don't make me."
"The only mystery I can handle is how I keep getting myself into these situations."
"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway."
"Dear Calories, I’m trying to be skinny, but you’re delish."
"I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge."
"If you don't like my sarcasm, you should really blame my brain."
"You can't make everyone happy. You aren't a taco."
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter."
"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut."
"I woke up like this – tired and confused."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!"
"If you think I'm crazy, you should see my pets."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
"The bag is not the problem; it’s what’s in it!"
"You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s kind of the same thing."
"I need six months of vacation, twice a year."
"I clean my house so much before guests come that it's no longer a reflection of how I actually live."
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza."
"I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!"
"Happiness is a warm puppy."
"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?"
"Another fine day ruined by responsibilities."
"Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said."
"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me."
"If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?"
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"I told my therapist about you."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"Dieting is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you’re on fire, everything is on fire because you’re in hell."
"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up."
"Coffee: because adulting is hard."
"I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode."
"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted… oh look, a squirrel!"
"Please cancel my subscription to your issues."
"This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"I was going to take over the world, but I overslept."
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Some days you’re the pigeon; some days you’re the statue."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure."
"I'm so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh or sing a song."
"Always remember that you are unique… just like everyone else."
"Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese."
"I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
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