128 result(s) for Funny Poop Quotes.
"I once had a friend who had a pet elephant. He was one big pooper! But I had a great relationship with that elephant until the last day I saw him; he passed my house and got stuck in my driveway. True story!"
"If you want to change the world, you need to be kind and respectful to everyone — including your toilet."
"Never trust a fart."
"When you have to poop, just remember: it’s just a neutralization of a stronger odor."
"Life is like a toilet. You can fill it with all kinds of good stuff, but eventually you're going to have to flush it."
"Anytime I get bored, I remind myself that each poop is just one thrilling adventure from my stomach."
"Sometimes I feel like I’m just a turd floating in the punch bowl of life."
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"Out of all the things I’ve lost, I think I miss my mind the most — right after taking a poop."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? It's just like the bathroom: you think you’re so smart until someone goes in there and takes a twelve-minute poop!"
"Sometimes I think the best part of my day is when I get to sit down and have a moment with my thoughts while I’m pooping."
"Pooping is just nature’s way of telling you to be grateful for what you eat."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo and pooping."
"Why do we always say 'getting rid of it' when we talk about poop? It’s more like 'getting rid of some baggage.'"
"You cannot pour from an empty cup. You must first fill it with taco bell before you can successfully poop."
"A fart is just a poop that’s afraid to come out."
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch, followed by a good poop."
"The secret to a good relationship is taking turns in the bathroom."
"Poop happens, folks. It’s just an unfortunate part of life."
"You know you are at the right party when someone walks in and says, 'dude, I just laid a huge one!'"
"Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you forgot to poop."
"If you encounter a problem, remember that it's just another poop waiting to happen."
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"Every morning I wake up and say to myself, 'You’re a miracle,' and then I go take a poop."
"Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill? To get to the bottom!"
"The most important thing is not whether you win or lose, but how you poop on the way to the restroom."
"If you think about it, we’re all just trying to go through life without spilling our poop everywhere."
"You can’t take any of this with you when you go. Except for the poop you took in the bathroom before you left."
"I’ll never forget my dad’s last words before he kicked the bucket: ‘How far do you think I can kick this bucket?’"
"If it weren't for poop, I would be a millionaire."
"To me, my poop is a work of art. I dedicate it to those who came before me."
"The best time to relax is when you don’t have time for it."
"I have a joke about feces, but it’s a bit of a stinker."
"Don’t worry if plan A doesn’t work. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet. But make sure plan B does include a bathroom."
"Life is all about how you handle Plan B. And sometimes that Plan B is a quick run to the bathroom."
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about...unless you pooped your pants!"
"I think my bathroom scale is lying to me. It’s never been right since it started having issues with number two."
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"Every time I think I’m having a bad day, I remember the woman who walked into a bathroom and came out with her pants down."
"Stressed spelled backward is desserts. And who doesn’t love chocolate mousse? It’s the poop that happens in a great way!"
"Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and all the other vegetables are just waiting for the next poop joke!"
"Cherish your toilet, it’s a throneroom for kings and queens; you’ll always leave with a lighter load!"
"The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule is: if you poop your pants, talk about it."
"Poop jokes are the lowest form of humor. Yet somehow they always rise to the occasion."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, I eat it...and then I have to poop!"
"Why did the poop cross the road? Because it was tied to the chicken’s leg!"
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the gut— and then it’s a race to the nearest bathroom!"
"Behind every successful person lies a pack of toilet paper."
"Poop happens. It’s how you handle it that matters."
"I could tell you a joke about poop, but it's too messy."
"Do you know what the difference between a good joke and a bad joke is? Timing. And a bathroom!"
"Just because you have the urge to laugh doesn’t mean you can’t also have the urge to poop."
"Laughter is the best medicine—unless you have a belly full of poop!"
"Falling in love is like a fart: If you force it, it's probably crap."
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
"Don't worry if plan A doesn't work out; there are 25 more letters in the alphabet."
"There are two types of people in this world: those who love to poop and those who lie about it."
"I was going to go to the gym, but it was a busy day on the toilet."
"Some days you just have to create your own sunshine—especially when you’re on the loo."
"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug."
"You know you're getting old when you can't go to the bathroom without looking for a good timeout chair."
"Poop exists because it is the most honest expression of the heart."
"The toilet is the one place where everyone can experience the feeling of being a king."
"Life is just like going to the bathroom; it’s mostly not fun, and you never know what’s going to come out."
"Some people can’t poop. Me, I’m a specialist."
"The only thing I really want to do right now is have a cup of coffee and take a poop."
"Perhaps the most important thing we can do in our lives is poop and laugh."
"If I had a dollar for every time I pooped my pants, I wouldn't have to work."
"To me, the bathroom is more than a room; it’s a sanctuary."
"To poop is human; to fart is divine."
"I love long walks to the bathroom."
"The human body is the only machine for which there are no spare parts."
"If there’s a will, there’s a way—right to the bathroom."
"I finally found the bathroom of my dreams yesterday."
"Tragedy plus time equals comedy—especially when it involves a toilet."
"Having a good time doesn’t mean you can’t have a good poop."
"Sitting on the toilet is the only time we can truly be alone with our thoughts."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted. A day without pooping? That's unsustainable!"
"If you can’t laugh at poop, you can’t laugh at life."
"Toilet humor is just the tip of the iceberg."
"I just got back from the toilet. I successfully flushed away my worries!"
"Some days you just have to create your own sunshine... and by sunshine, I mean a nice, healthy poop."
"The only thing worse than being in the bathroom is being in the bathroom without a book."
"If you can’t laugh at your own poop stories, you’re missing out on a good time!"
"I wrote a book on reverse psychology... but I think that's just a fancy way of saying I really need to go to the bathroom."
"Life is too short to take seriously, especially when it comes to poop."
"Pooping is like a great comedy show: everyone loves it, but no one wants to talk about it."
"Always remember: even the biggest problems can be relieved, just like a good poop."
"I don't know why they're called 'breakfast foods' when all I want to do is break wind!"
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised, and then she left to the bathroom!"
"The only thing flat about me is my poop when it’s just not going to happen."
"You’re never fully dressed without a smile... or a good poop."
"When life gives you lemons, squeeze them into the toilet!"
"I think my toilet is trying to tell me something... it's always saying, 'Flush!'"
"I'd tell you a poop joke, but it's a bit cheesy."
"Some things in life are uncontrollable, like your neighbor’s smell after taco night."
"There’s nothing quite like the satisfaction of a successful poop and a good laugh afterward."
"My poop schedule is just like a bus schedule – picks the worst times to be late!"
"Worrying about poop is like worrying about the sun rising; it’ll happen anyway!"
"In life, sometimes you just have to let it go – especially when it comes to poop."
"Every now and then, it's a good idea to laugh at yourself... right after a good poop!"
"Even the best comedians have to take a break sometimes – usually for a bathroom run!"
"A good poop is like a good fart: it feels great when you let it go!"
"Poop happens; it's better to laugh about it than to cry!"
"I don’t have a problem with poop jokes. I have a problem with the wrong poop jokes."
"You know you're getting old when a 'happy hour' means two for one at the early bird special... and you still have to run to the bathroom!"
"Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!"
"I told my kids that if they ever feel bad about themselves, just remember there are billions of other people in this world who have also pooped their pants."
"Every time I go to the bathroom, I feel like a superhero defeating the evil poop villains."
"You know you're supposed to be an adult when you can appreciate the humor in a really good fart."
"If I had a dollar for every time I pooped, I’d be rich... but then I’d probably have to go."
"Sometimes I think I'm going to explode! It's either the food I've eaten or the jokes I've made."
"Life is like a toilet. Sometimes you have to flush out the crap to keep it going."
"When in doubt, just give it a shout! Especially if you're in the bathroom."
"I’m not a big fan of the dentist. But I’m an even bigger fan of the flushable wipes."
"To poop or not to poop, that is the question. But really, it’s not a question – just do it!"
"You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a toilet!"
"Pooping is the only time you can be truly alone in a house full of people."
"When life gets messy, just remember: everyone has to clean up their own poop!"
"The only time I embrace my inner child is when I'm making poop jokes."
"If you think about it, every great idea starts with a little poop!"
"Sometimes you just need to let it out, whether it's laughter or what's in your stomach!"
"You can’t spell ‘hilarious’ without ‘poo’!"
"Remember, life is like a poop – it all comes out in the end!"
"A fart a day keeps the doctor away, and it certainly lightens the mood!"
"The hardest thing in the world to do is to get a toddler to sit still on the toilet!"
"Always leave the toilet seat up; it’s a little reminder for everyone to stay alert!"
"My other ride is a toilet seat!"
"Love is in the air... or is that just a fart?"
"When you see a sign that says 'Restroom', just remember: it's always a 'Potty Time'."
"Always flush your problems away, one poop at a time!"
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