129 result(s) for Funny Deadpool Quotes.
"I'm not a hero, I'm a ‘merc with a mouth’!"
"It's not like I’m dressed like a superhero or anything. Oh wait, I am!"
"You know what they say: It's better to be dead than to be boring."
"With great power comes great... Chan. I’m talking about Wong. Let’s get some dumplings."
"I’m not sure what I’m more excited about – saving the world or seeing you again!"
"I'm basically a 12-year-old boy's fantasy, but I think I should start investing in some athletic wear."
"I can’t wait to see what my parents say when they hear I’m dead!"
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"Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."
"I’m gonna do what I do best. I’m gonna kill a man!"
"You know why I’m here? Youtube adventure!"
"I am not gonna let this slip away. This is going to be the greatest just-in-case plan ever."
"My love for you is like a rum and coke – it's sugary sweet and definitely not good for you."
"If I had a dollar for every time I had to save the world, well... I'd have a lot more than a dollar!"
"I’m like a superhero. Except I’m not super and I’m not a hero."
"You know, I really think you and I have a special connection. It's like we were meant to be bound by my utter disdain for your existence!"
"You can’t be in love with someone who could kill you in less than a second. Oh, wait."
"Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean I’m a hero!"
"I seem to be a very rare breed. A super hero with immense unhealthy quirks!"
"Why so serious? Just kidding! I know why; it's because I’m here!"
"Sometimes I feel like my greatest hero moment was when I took off my pants at the bar."
"I work for everyone and no one. Kind of like a freelance superhero!"
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"Who knew being a superhero would be so different from my day job? Oh, wait! Everyone."
"Hope is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap."
"Sometimes, you just gotta take it easy and let the world take care of itself... Haha, jokes on you, world!"
"I might not actually shatter it, but I'd definitely cause a lot of cracked windows!"
"One day, you’ll realize I’m the best superhero you never knew you wanted!"
"I’m not really good at anything. I’m just really good at being me."
"With great power comes great irresponsibility."
"I’m like a god. I can’t be hurt."
"I can’t die! I’m like a cockroach!"
"I’m a merc with a mouth, and I like tacos."
"You think the hardest part about being a superhero is fighting crime? Nope. It’s getting the right costume."
"Life’s an endless series of trainwrecks, but I’m the star."
"I love being on fire! It’s like being in a really hot sauna, but it might kill you."
"Just because I’m a superhero doesn’t mean I’m going to take this seriously."
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"I’m not a hero, I’m a babysitter with a gun."
"Why can’t we just go back to the good old days when the only thing people were afraid of was being turned into a zombie?"
"You can’t kill me! I’m already dead!"
"I have an unlimited supply of these lines, folks!"
"I’m not crazy. I’ve just been in a bad mood for the past 30 years."
"I’m just a guy who likes pointing out the ridiculousness of it all."
"Fighting for the greater good is overrated. I fight for the free tacos."
"I’m here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum."
"If I wanted to die, I would have thrown myself in front of a moving train."
"Sometimes you have to be your own hero."
"I’m a master of bad decisions, but I do them with style."
"Warning: May cause extreme levels of laughter."
"You can’t spell ‘slaughter’ without ‘laughter.’"
"Did you see the way I just did that? So smooth. It's like I was never even here."
"My motto: If you can’t beat ‘em, make fun of them."
"I’m not just a vigilante. I’m also a therapist!"
"Why do all the superheroes wear spandex? Because it makes them feel special."
"I'm not a hero. I'm a bad guy who is really good at being bad."
"My name is Deadpool, and I have a very low opinion of authority."
"You can't make me stop loving you, I can't help it! I'm a love machine... that's out of order."
"Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief, commercial-like pauses of happiness."
"With great mustache comes great responsibility."
"I'm not even sure what I am anymore at this point. A little of this, a little of that, and a whole lot of razor-sharp insanity."
"I appreciate the confidence. But I don't believe in you."
"I've got a real talent for making enemies. I call it my superpower!"
"You know, I may not be the hero you want, but I am definitely the one you need... at least for the snacks!"
"You can't spell 'fundamentalist' without 'fun'."
"It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens."
"I'm like a bad penny that keeps coming back."
"Chimichangas: the only thing better than tacos."
"I'm a superhero, but I'm also a bad boyfriend."
"You had me at taco."
"My brain is like a web browser. 20 tabs open, 5 of them frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from."
"I’m an idea. A concept. I don’t have to abide by reality!"
"Let's see if we can get you to a place where you can understand just how stupid I actually am."
"If I had a nickel for every time I was right, I’d have enough for a chimichanga!"
"Some days I’m a super-duper hero. Other days, I’m just a regular guy who likes tacos."
"Talk shabby to me, baby."
"Puns are like a conversation I want to have, but can’t, because I'm too busy being a wackadoo."
"We all have our issues. Mine just happen to involve a penchant for gore."
"I’ve got a mouth like a sailor and an imagination that works overtime."
"Sometimes I’m too cool for school. Other times, I’m just too lazy to leave my bed."
"I'm not a hero. I'm a bad idea."
"You know, I'm not a superhero. I'm just a guy who can’t die."
"I’m a merc with a mouth."
"I hope I give you hero gasms."
"Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."
"Your bullets, they could be, like, 'pew pew pew!'"
"I’m not saying I’m the best. I’m just saying that you’re the worst!"
"This is why we can't have nice things."
"I’m not a monster. I’m just drawn that way."
"I make this look good."
"You know what they say: ‘You can’t spell ‘assassin’ without ‘ass’!"
"With great power, comes great chances to be a total [expletive]."
"I’m gonna do what I do best: lie, steal, cheat, and survive!"
"It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
"You’ll find that I’m a bit of an acquired taste."
"I’m like a magic eight ball. I provide very vague answers."
"Why are all the superhero movies about the heroes?!"
"What’s the worst that could happen? I mean, besides everything?"
"I’d die for you... just kidding, I’d kill for you."
"I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"I can’t die. It’s like I’m stuck in a really bad sitcom."
"Sometimes, I’m just a little too super."
"I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me here."
"I’m not sure what you're expecting to get from me, but I can tell you it won't be refreshing."
"I got a tip for you: Don’t be a hero."
"Did I introduce you to my friend? He’s a sword and he’s very sharp!"
"I’m not a hero. I’m a bad guy who occasionally does good things."
"Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like pauses of happiness."
"I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him. But she’s a two-faced bitch!"
"You know what I just realized? I’m not even wearing my pants!"
"I don’t need to see your identification. You can’t see my face!"
"I have to go. I have to make a sandwich."
"I’m like a sexier, more successful version of you."
"This is why we can’t have nice things!"
"I’m an adult, but I still can’t handle spicy food."
"Wait, did I just say that out loud?"
"I love being a part of this world, especially when I'm the star!"
"You know what they say? Love is patient, love is kind. And love is... trying to figure out where I left my pants."
"What’s a superhero without a little bit of dysfunction?"
"This may come as a surprise, but I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere."
"I guess I shouldn’t have brought a knife to a gunfight."
"I’m not even sure if I'm a good guy, let alone a hero!"
"I’m going to do this all day! And I’m going to do it in a very sarcastic manner!"
"I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing it anyway!"
"I frequently mix up my superhero metaphors."
"When you see a man in a red suit, you should probably just run away!"
"The only thing better than a good pun is a good pun delivered at the right moment!"
"Just be careful not to end up as a footnote in my story!"
"Sometimes I wonder if the universe hates me. Then I realize: oh yeah, it totally does!"
"I’m not a superhero, I’m just a really confused guy in a red suit."
"I think my therapist is a little biased against me."
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out? Unless you're in a crowded elevator."
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